The sight of former President Jimmy Carter at his wife's funeral gave a lesson in what it means to be actively dying, even if the lesson was lost on those commenting on social media. In this episode, frequent guest Andrew Donaldson joins the show as he and Dennis talk about death and dying as well as being caregivers to their parents following health emergencies recently.
Show notes:
We Should Talk More About Dying, Cause You Will by Andrew Donaldson
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President Jimmy Carter's Lessons on Life, Death, and Caregiving
[0:02] 0:02.177" data-end="00:00:08.177" class="">0:02">Hello, 0:03">and 0:03">welcome 0:04">to 0:04">Church and 0:04" class="">Main. 0:05">On 0:05">this 0:05">episode, 0:06">we 0:07">talk 0:07">about 0:07">what 0:08">former 00:00:08.177" data-end="00:00:14.197">0:08">President 0:09">Jimmy 0:09">Carter 0:09">has 0:10">to 0:10">teach 0:10">all 0:11">of 0:11">us 0:11">about 0:12">life, 0:12">death, 0:13">and 0:14">caregiving.
00:00:14.837" data-end="00:00:17.277" class="">0:15">This 0:15">is 0:16">Church and 0:17" class="">Main.
[0:19] 0:19 - 0:54" data-start="00:00:19.120" data-end="00:00:53.840">Music.
Introduction to 0:16">Church and 0:17" class="">Main: Faith and Modern Life
[0:54] 0:54.377" data-end="00:00:58.257" class="">0:54">Hello 0:55">and 0:55">welcome 0:56">to 0:57">0:16">Church and 0:17" class="">Main, 0:57">the 0:57">podcast 0:57">that's 0:58">at 0:58">the 0:58">intersection 00:00:58.257" data-end="00:01:01.097">0:58">of 0:59">faith 0:59">and 0:59">modern 0:59">life. 1:00">I'm 1:00">Dennis 1:00">Sanders, 1:01">your 1:01">host.
00:01:01.817" data-end="00:01:07.657">0:16">Church and 0:17" class="">Main 1:03">is 1:03">a 1:03">podcast 1:04">that 1:04">looks 1:04">for 1:05">God 1:05">in 1:06">the 1:06">middle 1:07">of 1:07">all 1:07">of 1:08">the 00:01:07.657" data-end="00:01:11.437">1:08">issues 1:08">that 1:08">affect 1:09">the 1:10">church 1:10">and, 1:10">of 1:11">course, 1:11">the 1:11">larger 1:11">society.
00:01:12.357" data-end="00:01:15.957">1:12">You 1:13">can 1:13">learn 1:13">more 1:13">about 1:14">the 1:14">podcast, 1:15">listen 1:15">to 1:15">past 1:15">episodes, 00:01:16.237" data-end="00:01:19.217">1:16">and 1:17">donate 1:17">by 1:18">checking 1:18">us 1:18">out 1:19">at.
Subscribing to the podcast and leaving a helpful review
[1:26] 1:26.397" data-end="00:01:32.597">1:26">You 1:27">can 1:28">consider 1:28">subscribing 1:29">to 1:29">the 1:29">podcast, 1:30">either 1:31">at 1:31">the 1:32">Substack 1:32">site 1:32">or 00:01:32.597" data-end="00:01:33.937">1:33">on 1:33">your 1:33">favorite 1:33">podcast 1:34">app.
1:34.457" data-end="00:01:40.557">1:34">And 1:35">while 1:36">you're 1:36">there, 1:36">while 1:37">you're 1:37">doing 1:37">that, 1:37">consider 1:38">leaving 1:39">a 1:39">review 1:39">that 00:01:40.557" data-end="00:01:42.557">1:41">allows 1:41">others 1:41">to 1:41">help 1:42">find 1:42">this 1:42">podcast.
00:01:44.737" data-end="00:01:49.677">1:45">There 1:45">are 1:46">a 1:46">lot 1:46">of 1:46">dates 1:46">in 1:47">my 1:47">life 1:47">that 1:48">are 1:48">seared 1:48">in 1:49">my 1:49">memory.
00:01:50.677" data-end="00:01:56.517">1:51">I 1:51">remember 1:52">the 1:52">day 1:52">that 1:52">I 1:53">graduated 1:53">from 1:54">high 1:54">school, 1:54">which 1:55">is 1:55">May 1:55">31st, 1:56">1987.
00:01:58.017" data-end="00:02:02.497">1:58">I 1:59">remember 1:59">the 1:59">day 1:59">that 1:59">I 1:59">got 2:00">married, 2:00">September 2:01">15th, 2:02">2007.
0:02:04.777" data-end="00:02:10.737">2:05">And 2:05">I 2:06">remember 2:06">the 2:06">day 2:07">that 2:07">my 2:07">father 2:07">died, 2:08">January 2:09">31st, 2:10">2015.
Life-Altering Stroke: A New Chapter Begins
[2:13] 0:02:13.443" data-end="00:02:23.783">2:13">Then 2:14">there's 2:15">July 2:15">2nd, 2:16">2023. 2:18">That 2:19">was 2:19">a 2:19">day 2:20">that 2:20">my 2:20">mother 2:20">suffered 2:21">a 2:21">stroke, 2:21">and 2:23">our 2:23">lives 2:23">changed.
0:02:25.083" data-end="00:02:30.723">2:25">Mom 2:26">went 2:26">through 2:26">a 2:27">little 2:27">over 2:27">a 2:28">week 2:28">in 2:28">the 2:28">hospital, 2:29">followed 2:30">by 2:30">another 2:30">two 0:02:30.723" data-end="00:02:33.423">2:31">weeks 2:31">in 2:31">rehab, 2:32">and 2:32">then 2:32">moving 2:32">into 2:33">assisted 2:33">living.
0:02:33.423" data-end="00:02:39.043">2:33">The 2:34">months 2:35">following 2:36">the 2:36">strokes 2:36">have 2:36">had 2:37">their 2:37">high 2:37">points 2:38">as 2:38">she 2:39">settled 2:39">into 0:02:39.043" data-end="00:02:44.063">2:39">a 2:39">new 2:39">life, 2:40">but 2:40">they've 2:40">also 2:40">had 2:41">a 2:41">lot 2:41">of 2:41">low 2:42">points, 2:42">especially 2:43">during 2:44">the 0:02:44.063" data-end="00:02:47.343">2:44">autumn, 2:45">as 2:46">she 2:46">had 2:46">a 2:46">few 2:47">setbacks.
0:02:48.963" data-end="00:02:57.563">2:49">All 2:50">the 2:50">while, 2:50">I've 2:51">had 2:51">to 2:51">become 2:51">her 2:52">power 2:52">of 2:52">attorney, 2:53">and 2:54">I've 2:55">met 2:56">with 2:56">medical 0:02:57.563" data-end="00:03:02.643">2:58">doctors 2:58">as 2:58">we 2:59">try 3:00">to 3:00">think 3:00">about 3:00">making 3:01">medical 3:02">decisions.
0:03:03.423" data-end="00:03:10.063">3:03">Not 3:04">at 3:04">that 3:04">point, 3:05">but 3:05">in 3:06">the 3:06">long 3:06">term 3:06">of 3:07">what 3:07">type 3:08">of 3:08">things 3:08">and 3:08">what 3:10">type 0:03:10.063" data-end="00:03:12.043">3:10">of 3:10">treatment 3:11">should 3:11">she 3:11">have 3:12">and 0:03:12.043" data-end="00:03:15.663">3:12">the 3:13">extent 3:13">of 3:13">treatment. 3:14">Should 3:14">it 3:14">be 3:14">everything? 3:15">Should 3:15">it 3:15">be 3:15">limited?
0:03:16.483" data-end="00:03:19.663">3:16">Should 3:17">it 3:17">be 3:17">just 3:17">kind 3:18">of 3:18">very 3:18">limited 3:19">to 3:19">allow 3:19">for 3:19">death?
0:03:20.663" data-end="00:03:24.663">3:21">All 3:21">the 3:21">things 3:21">that 3:22">for 3:22">a 3:22">long 3:22">time 3:22">you 3:23">didn't 3:23">want 3:23">to 3:23">think 3:23">about, 3:24">but 3:24">now 3:24">you 3:25">do.
Anxiety, Blessings, and the Role Reversal in Caregiving
[3:27] 0:03:27.388" data-end="00:03:30.628">3:27">None 3:28">of 3:28">this 3:28">has 3:28">been 3:28">easy 3:28">for 3:29">me 3:29">or 3:30">for 3:30">my 3:30">husband.
0:03:32.148" data-end="00:03:36.928">3:32">I'm 3:33">a 3:33">guy 3:33">that 3:33">has 3:33">basically 3:34">always 3:34">been 3:34">anxious. 3:36">And 3:36">right 3:37">now, 0:03:36.948" data-end="00:03:41.928">3:37">my 3:37">anxiety 3:38">level 3:38">is 3:39">probably 3:39">on 3:40">a 3:40">scale 3:40">of 3:40">1 3:40">to 3:40">10 3:41">to 3:41">15.
0:03:43.788" data-end="00:03:49.688">3:44">But 3:44">there's 3:44">also 3:45">been 3:45">some 3:45">blessings. 3:47">My 3:48">mom 3:48">has 3:48">noticed 3:48">more 3:49">often 3:49">than 3:49">not 0:03:49.688" data-end="00:03:52.868">3:50">that 3:51">now 3:51">I'm 3:51">the 3:52">one 3:52">that's 3:52">taking 3:52">care 3:52">of 3:53">her.
0:03:54.008" data-end="00:03:58.208">3:54">When 3:55">it 3:55">was 3:55">only 3:55">a 3:56">few 3:56">decades 3:56">ago, 3:56">back 3:57">in 3:57">the 3:57">70s 3:58">and 3:58">80s, 0:03:58.208" data-end="00:03:59.868">3:58">that 3:58">it 3:59">was 3:59">the 3:59">other 3:59">way 4:00">around.
0:04:01.328" data-end="00:04:09.468">4:01">I 4:02">was 4:02">the 4:02">one 4:02">that 4:03">she 4:03">took 4:04">to 4:04">doctor's 4:04">appointments 4:07">and 4:07">took 4:08">to 4:08">emergency 4:08">when 4:09">I 4:09">was 4:09">sick, 0:04:10.188" data-end="00:04:17.068">4:10">and 4:11">now 4:11">I'm 4:11">the 4:11">one 4:12">taking 4:12">her 4:12">to 4:12">doctor's 4:13">appointments 4:14">and 4:15">going 4:15">to 4:15">emergency 4:16">when 4:16">she 4:16">is 4:17">sick.
0:04:18.728" data-end="00:04:21.568">4:19">This 4:19">is 4:19">the 4:20">world 4:20">of 4:20">being 4:21">an 4:21">adult 4:21">caregiver.
[4:24] 0:04:23.828" data-end="00:04:28.268">4:24">And 4:24">this 4:25">is 4:25">what 4:25">happens 4:26">when 4:26">you're 4:26">dealing 4:27">with 4:27">loved 4:27">ones 4:27">as 4:28">they 4:28">go 4:28">through 0:04:28.268" data-end="00:04:32.508">4:28">all 4:29">of 4:29">those 4:29">massive 4:30">changes 4:30">towards 4:31">the 4:31">end 4:32">of 4:32">their 4:32">life.
0:04:33.828" data-end="00:04:39.628">4:34">Late 4:34">last 4:35">year, 4:35">the 4:36">whole 4:36">world 4:36">got 4:36">a 4:36">lesson 4:37">in 4:38">how 4:38">loved 4:38">ones 4:39">deal 4:39">with 4:39">illness 0:04:39.628" data-end="00:04:44.888">4:40">as 4:41">we 4:42">all 4:42">saw 4:42">the 4:42">funeral 4:43">for 4:43">former 4:43">First 4:44">Lady 4:44">Rosalind 4:45">Carter.
0:04:46.388" data-end="00:04:49.928">4:46">Her 4:47">husband 4:47">of 4:48">over 4:48">75 4:48">years 4:49">attended 4:49">the 4:50">funeral.
0:04:50.928" data-end="00:04:58.008">4:51">Former 4:51">President 4:51">Jimmy 4:52">Carter 4:52">is 4:53">99 4:54">years 4:54">old 4:55">and 4:55">has 4:56">been 4:56">in 4:56">hospice 4:57">since 4:57">February 4:57">of 4:58">2023.
0:04:59.788" data-end="00:05:05.028">5:00">As 5:00">many 5:01">people 5:01">saw, 5:01">he 5:01">is 5:02">in 5:02">a 5:02">special 5:02">wheelchair, 5:03">and 5:04">many 5:04">people 5:05">noticed 5:05">that 0:05:05.028" data-end="00:05:06.568">5:05">his 5:05">mouth 5:06">was 5:06">hanging 5:06">open.
0:05:07.068" data-end="00:05:15.628">5:07">His 5:08">appearance 5:08">was 5:08">the 5:09">talk 5:09">of 5:09">the 5:09">internet, 5:10">which 5:10">is 5:12">kind 5:13">of 5:13">a 5:13">proof 5:14">that 5:15">a 0:05:15.628" data-end="00:05:19.448">5:16">lot 5:16">of 5:16">people 5:16">have 5:17">never 5:17">dealt 5:17">with 5:17">someone 5:18">that 5:18">is 5:18">actively 5:19">dying 5:19">before.
[5:21] 0:05:21.356" data-end="00:05:26.136">5:21">There 5:22">was 5:22">one 5:22">commenter 5:23">that 5:23">took 5:23">fingers 5:24">to 5:24">laptop 5:24">to 5:24">write 5:25">about 5:25">this 5:25">and 0:05:26.136" data-end="00:05:30.276">5:26">to 5:26">help 5:27">people 5:27">understand 5:27">that 5:28">dying 5:29">is 5:29">also 5:30">a 5:30">part 5:30">of 5:30">living.
[5:32] 0:05:32.096" data-end="00:05:36.056">5:32">Andrew 5:33">Donaldson 5:33">has 5:33">been 5:33">a 5:34">frequent 5:34">guest 5:34">on 5:35">this 5:35">podcast. 5:35">He 5:35">is 5:36">a 5:36">prolific 0:05:36.056" data-end="00:05:39.036">5:36">writer. 5:37">He 5:37">is 5:37">the 5:37">host 5:38">of 5:38">the 5:38">Herd 5:38">Tale 5:39">podcast.
0:05:39.836" data-end="00:05:44.576">5:40">And 5:40">he 5:40">wrote 5:41">about 5:41">the 5:41">experience 5:42">of 5:43">watching 5:44">Jimmy 5:44">Carter's 5:44">funeral.
0:05:44.576" data-end="00:05:53.496">5:45">But 5:45">then 5:46">he 5:46">also 5:46">found 5:47">himself 5:47">in 5:49">the 5:49">midst 5:49">of 5:50">a 5:51">situation 5:51">himself 5:52">when 5:53">his 0:05:53.496" data-end="00:05:58.856">5:54">father 5:54">had 5:54">a 5:54">health 5:55">emergency, 5:55">also 5:57">a 5:57">stroke, 5:58">on 5:58">New 5:58">Year's 5:59">Day.
0:06:00.136" data-end="00:06:04.636">6:00">So, 6:01">with 6:01">both 6:01">of 6:02">us 6:02">dealing 6:02">with 6:02">very 6:02">similar 6:03">situations, 6:04">we 6:04">decided 6:04">to 6:05">have 0:06:04.636" data-end="00:06:09.396">6:05">a 6:05">discussion 6:05">in 6:05">death, 6:06">dying, 6:07">and 6:07">caregiving, 6:08">especially 6:09">for 6:09">loved 6:09">ones.
0:06:10.896" data-end="00:06:14.896">6:11">Many 6:11">of 6:12">us 6:12">don't 6:12">ever 6:12">want 6:12">to 6:12">talk 6:13">or 6:13">even 6:13">think 6:14">about 6:15">death, 0:06:15.076" data-end="00:06:16.776">6:15">especially 6:15">the 6:16">death 6:16">of 6:16">our 6:16">loved 6:16">ones.
0:06:16.916" data-end="00:06:19.336">6:17">But 6:17">the 6:18">fact 6:18">is, 6:18">it's 6:19">going 6:19">to 6:19">happen.
0:06:20.276" data-end="00:06:25.776">6:20">And 6:21">if 6:21">a 6:21">parent 6:21">or 6:22">another 6:23">loved 6:23">one, 6:23">husband, 6:24">wife, 6:24">lives 6:25">long 6:25">enough, 0:06:26.556" data-end="00:06:30.356">6:27">you're 6:28">going 6:28">to 6:28">have 6:28">to 6:28">care 6:28">for 6:28">them 6:28">before 6:29">they 6:30">cross 6:30">over.
0:06:31.436" data-end="00:06:36.776">6:31">So 6:32">in 6:32">this 6:33">episode, 6:33">we 6:33">talk 6:33">about 6:34">caregiving, 6:34">how 6:35">to 6:35">prepare 6:35">to 6:36">care 6:36">for 6:36">others, 0:06:36.776" data-end="00:06:43.816">6:37">and 6:37">frankly, 6:38">how 6:39">to 6:39">prepare 6:39">for 6:39">our 6:39">own 6:40">demise, 6:40">something 6:41">that 6:42">Andrew 6:42">is 6:43">intimately 6:43">aware 6:43">of.
0:06:44.596" data-end="00:06:48.876">6:45">So 6:45">with 6:46">that, 6:46">let's 6:46">listen 6:46">to 6:47">this 6:47">conversation 6:47">with 6:48">Andrew 6:48">Donaldson.
[6:53] 6:53 - 7:32" data-start="00:06:53.040" data-end="00:07:32.400">Music.
Examining Our Culture's Handling of Death and Dying
[7:30] 0:07:30.416" data-end="00:07:33.716">7:30">All 7:31">right, 7:31">Andrew, 7:32">we 7:32">are 7:32">glad 7:33">to 7:33">have 7:33">you 7:33">back 7:33">here.
0:07:36.796" data-end="00:07:43.556">7:37">Hey. 7:39">So 7:39">the 7:40">reason 7:41">I 7:41">wanted 7:41">to 7:41">bring 7:41">you 7:42">on 7:42">today 7:42">was 7:42">to 7:42">talk 7:43">a 7:43">little 7:43">bit 7:43">about 0:07:43.556" data-end="00:07:50.136">7:44">an 7:44">article 7:45">you 7:45">wrote 7:45">back 7:46">in 7:46">December 7:46">for 7:47">your 7:48">Hertel 7:49">on 7:49">Substack.
0:07:50.136" data-end="00:07:57.356">7:50">And 7:51">that 7:51">was 7:51">dealing 7:52">kind 7:52">of 7:53">in 7:53">the 7:53">aftermath 7:53">of 7:54">Rothland 7:55">Carter's 7:55">funeral 7:56">and 0:07:57.356" data-end="00:08:02.656">7:57">the 7:58">reaction 7:58">to 7:58">it, 7:59">especially 7:59">the 8:00">reaction 8:00">to 8:00">seeing 8:01">former 8:02">President 8:02">Carter, 0:08:02.856" data-end="00:08:08.716">8:03">who 8:04">is 8:04">kind 8:05">of 8:05">been 8:06">in 8:06">hospice 8:07">almost 8:07">for 8:07">a 8:07">year 8:08">now. 8:08">Yeah.
0:08:09.546" data-end="00:08:13.286">8:10">And 8:10">kind 8:10">of 8:10">about 8:10">our 8:11">culture, 8:11">maybe 8:12">political 8:12">culture, 8:12">but 8:13">also 8:13">just 8:13">culture 0:08:13.286" data-end="00:08:15.526">8:13">in 8:13">general 8:14">and 8:14">how 8:14">we 8:14">deal 8:14">with 8:15">death 8:15">and 8:15">dying.
0:08:16.686" data-end="00:08:20.206">8:17">Could 8:17">kind 8:17">of 8:17">give 8:18">people 8:19">just 8:19">a 8:19">synopsis 8:19">of 8:20">what 8:20">you 8:20">wrote.
0:08:20.786" data-end="00:08:22.826">8:21">Yeah, 8:21">we 8:22">don't 8:22">deal 8:22">with 8:22">it 8:23">well.
[8:24] 0:08:24.086" data-end="00:08:28.426">8:24">We 8:25">don't 8:25">deal 8:25">with 8:25">it. 8:25">For 8:26">people 8:26">that 8:26">didn't 8:27">see 8:27">it, 8:27">and 8:27">we 8:28">don't 8:28">have 8:28">the 0:08:28.426" data-end="00:08:31.806">8:28">pictures 8:29">with 8:29">us, 8:29">President 8:30">Carter 8:30">was 8:31">at 8:31">the 8:31">funeral 8:31">service.
0:08:32.946" data-end="00:08:36.906">8:33">He's 8:33">been 8:34">in 8:34">hospice 8:34">for 8:35">what, 8:35">eight, 8:36">nine 8:36">months 8:37">now?
0:08:37.006" data-end="00:08:40.886">8:37">It's 8:37">a 8:37">considerable 8:38">period 8:38">of 8:38">time. 8:39">Uh, 8:39">he 8:40">was 8:40">in 8:40">what 8:40">they 8:40">call 8:41">a, 0:08:40.966" data-end="00:08:42.726">8:41">a, 8:41">a 8:42">reclined 8:42">wheelchair.
0:08:43.126" data-end="00:08:48.326">8:43">It's 8:44">a 8:44">raised 8:44">elevated 8:44">wheelchair 8:45">that 8:45">where 8:46">you're 8:46">in 8:46">about 8:46">a 8:46">75 8:47">degree 8:47">angle 8:47">with 8:48">your 8:48">full 8:48">body.
[8:49] 0:08:49.166" data-end="00:08:55.986">8:49">Um, 8:50">you 8:50">know, 8:50">he, 8:51">he 8:51">looks 8:51">like 8:52">he's 8:52">on 8:52">this 8:52">tour 8:53">with 8:53">all 8:54">possible 8:54">due 8:55">respect 8:55">to 8:55">Jimmy 8:56">Carter.
0:08:56.106" data-end="00:08:58.146">8:56">That's 8:56">what 8:56">he 8:56">looked 8:57">like. 8:57">He 8:57">had 8:57">a 8:57">blanket 8:57">over, 8:58">by 8:58">the 8:58">way, 0:08:58.166" data-end="00:09:00.226">8:58">that's 8:58">the 8:58">blanket 8:59">off 8:59">the 8:59">back 8:59">of 8:59">their 8:59">couch 9:00">at 9:00">their 9:00">home.
0:09:00.286" data-end="00:09:01.926">9:00">It 9:00">has 9:00">a 9:01">picture 9:01">of 9:01">both 9:01">of 9:01">them 9:02">on 9:02">it.
0:09:02.186" data-end="00:09:05.566">9:02">Um, 9:03">that's 9:03">the 9:03">blanket 9:04">that 9:04">was 9:04">covering 9:04">him, 9:05">you 9:05">know, 9:05">his 9:05">mouth 9:05">hangs 9:05">and 0:09:05.566" data-end="00:09:08.966">9:06">I 9:06">put 9:06">in 9:06">a 9:06">piece. 9:06">I 9:07">was 9:07">like, 9:07">you 9:07">know, 9:07">maybe 9:08">some 9:08">of 9:08">you 9:08">haven't 9:08">cared 9:09">for 0:09:08.966" data-end="00:09:12.566">9:09">somebody 9:09">that's 9:10">at 9:10">the 9:10">end 9:10">of 9:10">life 9:11">or 9:11">very, 9:11">very 9:11">ill 9:12">or, 9:12">you 9:12">know, 0:09:12.566" data-end="00:09:14.346">9:13">obviously, 9:13">you 9:13">know, 9:14">close 9:14">to 9:14">the 9:14">end.
0:09:14.406" data-end="00:09:17.426">9:14">You 9:15">know, 9:15">their 9:15">mouth 9:15">hangs 9:16">open. 9:16">They 9:16">don't 9:17">look 9:17">like 9:17">themselves.
0:09:17.566" data-end="00:09:21.146">9:18">Any 9:18">picture 9:18">that 9:18">you 9:19">saw 9:19">them 9:19">in 9:19">the 9:20">last 9:20">days, 9:20">their 9:20">face 9:21">is 9:21">drawn.
0:09:21.466" data-end="00:09:24.126">9:21">They 9:22">can't 9:22">move 9:22">around 9:23">a 9:23">lot. 9:23">They 9:23">can't 9:23">respond 9:24">a 9:24">lot.
0:09:24.226" data-end="00:09:27.746">9:24">That's 9:24">what 9:25">that 9:25">looks 9:25">like 9:26">when 9:26">you're, 9:26">you 9:26">know, 9:27">almost 9:27">100 9:27">years 9:27">old 9:28">and 0:09:27.746" data-end="00:09:31.766">9:28">were 9:28">supposed 9:28">to 9:29">die 9:29">a 9:29">year 9:29">ago, 9:29">if 9:30">not 9:30">many 9:30">years 9:30">ago 9:31">in 9:31">some 9:31">cases.
0:09:31.806" data-end="00:09:32.906">9:32">You 9:32">know, 9:32">that's 9:32">what 9:32">it 9:32">looks 9:33">like.
0:09:33.026" data-end="00:09:36.826">9:33">And 9:33">it 9:34">shocked 9:34">people 9:34">and 9:34">they 9:34">didn't 9:35">react 9:35">to 9:35">that 9:35">well. 9:35">And 9:36">I 9:36">kind 9:36">of 9:37">took 0:09:36.826" data-end="00:09:37.946">9:37">that 9:37">up 9:37">as 9:37">a 9:37">writing 9:38">point.
0:09:37.986" data-end="00:09:41.186">9:38">It 9:38">was 9:38">like, 9:38">I 9:39">bet 9:39">a 9:39">lot 9:40">of 9:40">those 9:40">people 9:40">have 9:40">just 9:40">never 9:41">done 9:41">that.
0:09:41.266" data-end="00:09:42.486">9:41">They've 9:41">never 9:42">been 9:42">a 9:42">caregiver.
0:09:42.726" data-end="00:09:45.966">9:43">They've 9:43">never 9:43">had 9:43">people 9:44">close 9:45">to 9:45">them 9:45">in 9:45">that 9:45">stage 9:46">of 9:46">life.
0:09:46.026" data-end="00:09:49.846">9:46">When 9:46">I 9:46">was 9:46">a 9:46">teenager, 9:47">we 9:47">took 9:48">care 9:48">of 9:48">my 9:48">uncle, 9:48">my 9:49">Uncle 9:50">Art, 0:09:49.886" data-end="00:09:54.206">9:50">who 9:50">went 9:50">from 9:50">driving 9:51">me 9:51">to 9:51">school 9:51">most 9:51">days 9:52">to 9:53">Alzheimer's.
0:09:54.226" data-end="00:09:59.706">9:54">And 9:54">we 9:54">watched 9:55">him 9:55">slowly 9:55">go 9:56">through 9:56">those 9:57">stages 9:57">of 9:57">dementia 9:59">and 9:59">then 9:59">the 9:59">anger 0:09:59.706" data-end="00:10:03.666">10:00">and 10:00">then 10:00">just 10:01">the 10:01">silent 10:01">catatonic 0:02">stuff. 0:02">So, 0:03">you 0:03">know, 0:03">we've 0:03">been 0:03">I've 0:04">been 0:03.666" data-end="00:10:05.866">0:04">through 0:04">that 0:04">with 0:04">other 0:04">family 0:05">members 0:05">and 0:05">things 0:06">like 0:06">that.
0:05.906" data-end="00:10:09.346">0:06">But 0:06">I 0:06">think 0:07">that 0:07">reaction 0:07">was 0:07">just 0:08">indicative 0:08">of 0:08">I 0:08">bet 0:09">a 0:09">lot 0:09">of 0:09">those 0:09">people 0:09.346" data-end="00:10:10.666">0:09">have 0:09">just 0:10">never 0:10">seen 0:10">this 0:10">before.
[10:11] 0:10:11.130" data-end="00:10:13.610">0:11">Everybody 0:11">knows 0:12">what 0:12">Jimmy 0:12">Carter 0:12">looks 0:13">like 0:13">in 0:13">their 0:13">mind's 0:13">eye.
0:10:13.770" data-end="00:10:17.590">0:14">And 0:14">then 0:14">when 0:14">they 0:14">see 0:15">him 0:15">like 0:15">that, 0:15">it 0:15">shocked 0:16">them 0:16">and 0:16">they 0:16">had 0:17">a 0:17">reaction 0:17">to 0:17">it.
0:10:17.910" data-end="00:10:21.010">10:18">But 10:18">we 0:19">don't 0:19">talk 0:19">about 0:19">that 0:19">part 0:19">of 10:20">humanity 10:20">enough. 10:21">And 10:21">it's 10:21">like, 0:10:21.110" data-end="00:10:23.710">10:21">look, 10:21">that's 10:22">where 10:22">this 10:22">goes 10:23">eventually 10:23">for 10:23">everybody.
0:10:23.790" data-end="00:10:27.070">10:24">If 10:24">you 10:24">live 10:25">that 10:25">long, 10:25">somebody 10:26">else 10:26">has 10:26">to 10:26">take 10:27">care 10:27">of 10:27">you.
0:10:27.110" data-end="00:10:30.630">10:27">If 10:27">you, 10:27">especially 10:28">his 10:28">extraordinary 10:29">life 10:29">where, 10:30">you 10:30">know, 10:30">he's 10:30">a 10:30">hundred 10:30">years 0:10:30.630" data-end="00:10:32.010">10:31">old 10:31">for 10:31">practical 10:31">purposes.
[10:33] 0:10:32.690" data-end="00:10:37.310">10:33">I, 10:33">I 10:34">think 10:34">that 10:34">was 10:34">a 10:34">telling 10:35">teachable 10:35">moment 10:36">that 10:36">we 10:36">missed 10:37">because 10:37">it 10:37">just 0:10:37.310" data-end="00:10:38.950">10:37">went 10:38">on 10:38">the 10:38">internet 10:38">of 10:38">everybody 10:38">reacting.
0:10:38.950" data-end="00:10:42.690">10:39">Reacting 10:39">i 10:39">think 10:40">the 10:40">reaction 10:41">was 10:41">telling 10:41">i 10:41">don't 10:42">think 10:42">people 10:42">have 10:42">dealt 10:43">with 0:10:42.690" data-end="00:10:46.710">10:43">this 10:43">in 10:43">their 10:43">own 10:43">mind 10:43">or 10:44">they 10:44">wouldn't 10:44">have 10:44">reacted 10:44">that 10:45">way 10:45">you 10:46">know 10:47">what 0:10:46.710" data-end="00:10:49.710">10:47">was 10:47">interesting 10:47">a 10:48">few 10:48">days 10:48">later 10:49">um, 0:10:50.350" data-end="00:10:54.590">10:50">i 10:51">saw 10:51">something 10:51">from 10:52">a 10:52">hospice 10:53">nurse 10:53">that 10:53">explained 0:54">the 0:54">whole 0:54">mouth 0:54">hanging 0:10:54.590" data-end="00:10:59.710">0:55">open 0:55">yeah 0:55">thing 0:56">and 0:56">and 0:57">she 0:57">i 0:58">think 0:58">it 0:58">was 0:58">a 0:58">video 0:59">and 0:59">she 0:59">just 0:59">kind 0:59">of 0:59">explained 0:10:59.710" data-end="00:11:04.510">1:00">this 1:00">is 1:00">what 1:00">kind 1:00">of 1:01">happens 1:01">especially 1:01">you 1:03">know 1:03">late 1:03">in 1:04">life 1:04">and 1:04">especially 0:11:04.510" data-end="00:11:07.870">1:05">in 1:05">that 1:05">kind 1:05">of 1:06">dying 1:06">process 1:06">process 1:07">that 1:07">I 1:08">think, 0:11:07.870" data-end="00:11:10.630">1:08">you 1:08">know, 1:08">I 1:09">didn't 1:10">know 1:10">that 1:10">before.
0:11:10.750" data-end="00:11:13.070">1:11">And 1:11">I 1:11">think 1:11">that 1:12">was 1:12">helpful 1:12">to 1:12">understand 1:13">that.
0:11:13.290" data-end="00:11:17.810">1:13">Um, 1:14">but 1:15">I 1:15">think 1:15">that, 1:16">you 1:16">know, 1:16">why 1:17">is 1:17">it 1:17">that 1:17">we 1:17">don't.
[11:20] 0:11:19.539" data-end="00:11:24.039">11:20">Understand 11:20">or 11:20">know 11:21">that 11:21">what 11:21">what 11:21">has 11:22">been 11:22">in 11:22">our 11:22">culture 11:22">that 11:23">we 11:23">can't 11:23">immediately 11:23">just 11:24">say, 0:11:24.579" data-end="00:11:27.459">11:25">well 11:25">this 11:25">is 11:25">a 1:26">guy 1:26">that 1:26">was 1:27">in 1:27">hospice 1:27">he's 0:11:27.459" data-end="00:11:30.539">1:27">in 1:27">basically 1:28">active 1:28">dying 1:29">and 1:30">kind 0:11:30.539" data-end="00:11:34.459">1:31">of 1:31">just 1:31">understand 1:32">that 1:32">um 1:33">you 1:34">know 0:11:34.459" data-end="00:11:37.679">1:34">it's 1:35">it's 1:35">people 1:36">are 1:37">fearful 0:11:37.679" data-end="00:11:41.379">1:38">of 1:38">it 1:38">because 1:38">everybody 1:39">knows 1:39">they're 1:39">mortals 11:40">somewhere 11:40">in 11:40">there 1:41">if 1:41">you're 1:41">if 0:11:41.379" data-end="00:11:44.539">1:41">you're 1:42">honest 1:42">with 1:42">it 1:42">and 11:43">we're 11:43">not 11:43">honest 11:43">with 11:43">it 11:43">we 11:44">make 11:44">movies 11:44">about 11:44">young 0:11:44.539" data-end="00:11:48.359">1:45">love 1:45">we 1:45">make 1:45">movies 1:45">about 1:46">superheroes 1:46">we 1:47">don't 1:47">make 1:47">a 1:47">lot 1:47">of 1:48">movies 1:48">about 1:48">caring 0:11:48.359" data-end="00:11:51.879">1:48">for 1:49">the 11:50">loved 11:50">one 11:50">that 11:50">you've 11:50">been 11:50">married 1:51">to 1:51">for 1:51">50 1:51">years 1:51">who 1:52">doesn't 1:52">know 0:11:51.879" data-end="00:11:54.319">1:52">your 1:52">name 1:52">anymore 1:52">and 1:53">yells 1:53">at 1:53">you 1:53">because 1:53">they 1:54">don't 1:54">know 1:54">who 1:54">you 1:54">are 1:54">and 1:54">they 0:11:54.319" data-end="00:11:56.479">1:54">think 1:55">they're 1:55">attacking 1:55">you 1:55">when 1:55">you're 1:55">just 1:56">trying 1:56">to 1:56">wash 1:56">their 1:56">feet.
0:11:56.839" data-end="00:12:00.939">11:57">That 11:57">doesn't 1:58">make 1:58">a 1:58">good 1:58">movie. 1:58">There's 1:59">a 1:59">few 1:59">of 1:59">them 2:00">that 2:00">usually 2:00">win 2:00">Oscars 0:12:00.939" data-end="00:12:02.159">2:01">and 2:01">stuff. 2:01">Maybe 2:02">they 2:02">should.
0:12:02.759" data-end="00:12:05.799">12:03">That's 12:03">not 12:03">how 12:04">we're 12:04">built. 12:04">We're 2:05">built 2:05">to 2:05">think 2:05">we're 2:05">invincible.
0:12:06.079" data-end="00:12:11.799">2:06">We 2:06">are 2:06">built 2:07">culturally 2:07">to 2:08">accentuate, 2:10">especially 2:10">now 2:10">with 12:11">social 12:11">media, 12:11">your 12:11">health.
0:12:12.259" data-end="00:12:15.199">12:12">Everybody 2:13">has 2:13">a 2:13">filter 2:13">on 2:14">their 2:14">phone 2:14">to 2:14">make 2:14">them 2:14">look 2:15">good.
0:12:15.579" data-end="00:12:19.079">2:16">Instagram 2:16">and 2:16">Facebook, 12:17">Facebook, 12:17">you 12:17">know, 2:18">it's 2:18">almost 2:18">a 2:19">joke 2:19">now.
0:12:19.159" data-end="00:12:22.299">2:19">It's 2:19">like, 2:20">well, 2:20">what's 2:20">your 2:20">Facebook 2:21">persona? 2:21">And 2:21">what's 2:21">your 12:22">real 12:22">persona?
0:12:22.419" data-end="00:12:24.539">12:22">What's 2:23">your 2:23">Twitter 2:23">persona? 12:24">What's 12:24">your 12:24">real 12:24">persona?
0:12:24.739" data-end="00:12:29.319">2:25">You 2:25">know, 2:25">all 2:25">of 2:26">us 2:26">are 2:26">faking 2:27">it 2:27">a 2:27">little 2:27">bit. 2:28">We 2:28">have 2:28">our 2:28">best 2:28">avatar 2:29">pictures.
0:12:29.439" data-end="00:12:31.659">2:29">We 2:30">do 2:30">our 2:30">best 2:30">pictures 2:30">of 2:31">our 2:31">even 2:31">Twitter 2:31">supper 2:31">club.
0:12:31.799" data-end="00:12:34.839">2:32">I 2:32">don't 2:32">give 2:33">you 2:33">the 2:33">ugly 2:33">pics 2:33">of 2:33">food 2:34">unless 2:34">I'm 2:34">trying 2:34">to 2:34">make 2:34">a 2:35">point.
0:12:34.919" data-end="00:12:36.059">2:35">I 2:35">try 2:35">to 2:35">make 2:35">it 2:35">look 2:36">good, 2:36">right?
[12:37] 0:12:36.979" data-end="00:12:42.339">2:37">It's 2:37">just 2:38">counterintuitive. 2:40">And 2:40">you 2:41">know 2:41">this 2:41">philosophically 2:42">and 2:42">theologically 0:12:42.339" data-end="00:12:45.519">2:42">as 2:43">a 2:43">pastor, 2:43">as 2:44">somebody 2:44">who 2:44">cares 2:44">for 2:44">people 2:45">at 2:45">this 2:45">stage 2:45">of 2:45">life, 0:12:45.679" data-end="00:12:50.039">2:46">it's 2:47">almost 2:47">so 12:48">ingrained 12:48">that 12:48">we 12:48">don't 12:48">think 2:49">about 2:49">it, 2:49">but 2:49">it 2:49">really 2:50">is 2:50">the 0:12:50.039" data-end="00:12:50.979">2:50">most 2:50">basic 2:50">thing 2:51">in 2:51">life.
0:12:51.039" data-end="00:12:54.999">2:51">Part 2:51">of 2:51">life 2:52">is 2:52">you're 2:52">going 2:52">to 2:52">die, 2:52">but 2:53">it's 2:53">such 2:54">a 2:54">basic 2:54">thing 2:54">that 2:55">we 2:55">completely 0:12:54.999" data-end="00:12:57.239">2:55">ignore 2:56">it 2:56">usually 2:56">until 2:56">we 12:57">have 12:57">to.
0:12:57.499" data-end="00:13:00.739">2:58">And 2:58">there's 2:58">been 2:58">a 2:58">lot 2:58">of 2:59">philosophers 2:59">smarter 2:59">than 3:00">me 3:00">try 3:00">to 3:00">explain 3:00">why 3:01">that 0:13:00.739" data-end="00:13:03.119">3:01">is. 3:01">Psychologists 3:02">have 3:02">tried 3:02">to 3:02">explain 3:02">why 3:03">that 3:03">is.
0:13:03.479" data-end="00:13:08.139">3:03">It's 3:04">just 3:04">the 3:04">biggest 3:05">part 3:05">of 3:05">us 3:05">being 3:06">human 3:06">is, 3:07">I've 3:07">talked 3:07">about 3:08">this 3:08">before 0:13:08.139" data-end="00:13:10.379">3:08">in 3:08">writing 13:09">and 13:09">stuff, 13:09">that 13:09">there 13:09">really 13:09">is 3:10">two 3:10">kinds 3:10">of 3:10">people, 0:13:10.419" data-end="00:13:13.599">3:10">those 3:11">that 3:11">realize 3:11">they're 3:11">going 3:11">to 3:11">die 3:12">and 3:12">those 3:12">that 3:12">don't. 3:12">And 3:13">the 3:13">ones 3:13">that 3:13">don't.
[13:15] 0:13:14.669" data-end="00:13:17.429">3:15">Usually 3:15">don't 3:15">behave 3:16">themselves 3:16">really 3:16">well 3:17">during 3:17">their 3:17">life, 0:13:17.469" data-end="00:13:21.889">3:17">and 3:18">they 3:18">don't 3:18">really 3:18">store 3:18">up 3:19">their 3:19">life 3:19">stuff 13:20">for 13:20">the 13:20">end 13:20">of 13:20">time 3:21">the 3:21">way 3:22">they 3:22">shoot.
0:13:21.949" data-end="00:13:26.109">3:22">People 3:22">that 3:22">have 3:22">come 3:23">to 3:23">terms 3:23">with 3:23">their 3:24">mortality 3:25">all 13:26">in 13:26">all, 0:13:26.209" data-end="00:13:30.549">13:26">and 13:26">some 3:27">people 3:27">that'll 3:27">break 3:27">them 3:27">mentally 3:28">and 3:28">physically 3:29">and 3:29">spiritually 3:29">that 3:30">they 3:30">can't 3:30">handle 3:30">it.
0:13:31.029" data-end="00:13:34.309">13:31">A 13:31">lot 3:32">of 3:32">people 3:32">that 3:32">are 3:32">okay 3:33">with 3:33">their 3:33">own 3:33">mortality, 3:34">though, 0:13:34.429" data-end="00:13:37.369">3:34">they're 13:35">very 13:35">calm 13:35">people. 3:36">They're 3:36">people 3:36">that 3:36">have 3:36">a 3:37">good 3:37">grip 3:37">on 3:37">life.
0:13:37.489" data-end="00:13:42.589">3:37">It's 3:38">a 3:38">healthy 3:38">thing 3:39">to 3:40">understand 3:40">that, 3:41">look, 3:41">this 3:41">rod's 13:42">got 13:42">an 13:42">end 13:42">date 13:42">on 13:42">it.
0:13:42.649" data-end="00:13:46.729">13:43">You 13:43">don't 13:43">know 13:43">when 13:43">that 13:43">is. 3:44">You 3:44">should 3:44">just 3:45">live 3:45">it 3:45">as 13:46">if 13:46">that 13:46">could 13:46">be 3:47">at 0:13:46.729" data-end="00:13:49.309">3:47">any 3:47">moment 3:47">because 3:48">it 3:48">can 3:48">be 3:49">at 3:49">any 3:49">moment.
0:13:49.409" data-end="00:13:52.989">3:49">And 3:49">some 3:50">of 3:50">us 3:50">have 3:50">experienced 3:51">very 3:51">close 3:52">to 3:52">like, 3:52">oh, 3:53">yeah, 0:13:53.049" data-end="00:13:57.109">3:53">I'm 3:53">I'm 3:54">already 3:54">in 3:54">the 3:54">bonus 3:55">overtime 3:55">stuff 3:55">now. 3:56">Let 3:56">me 3:56">enjoy 3:56">this. 3:57">Right.
0:13:57.269" data-end="00:14:01.409">3:57">I 3:58">just 3:58">it's 3:59">so 3:59">basic 4:00">that 4:00">we 4:00">don't 4:01">talk 4:01">about 4:01">it.
0:14:01.469" data-end="00:14:06.469">4:01">But 4:02">we 4:02">should, 4:02">because 4:03">if 4:03">you 4:03">get 4:03">the 4:04">end 4:04">of 4:04">life 4:04">right 14:05">in 14:06">your 14:06">own 14:06">personal 0:14:06.469" data-end="00:14:10.089">14:06">credo 4:07">and 4:07">ethics 4:08">and 4:08">whatever 4:09">your 4:09">ideology 4:09">and 4:09">religion 4:10">is, 0:14:10.089" data-end="00:14:15.209">4:10">Because 4:10">if 4:11">you 4:11">can 4:11">get 4:11">that 4:12">set 4:12">in 4:12">its 4:12">proper 4:12">place, 4:13">the 4:13">rest 4:13">of 4:13">your 4:13">life 4:14">orders 4:14">up 4:14">very, 4:15">very 4:15">good.
0:14:15.289" data-end="00:14:19.729">4:15">It 4:15">sorts 4:16">really 4:16">well 4:16">on 4:17">the 4:17">spreadsheet 14:18">of 14:18">your 14:18">life 14:18">if 4:19">you 4:19">can 4:19">set 4:19">that 4:19">one 0:14:19.729" data-end="00:14:22.229">4:20">thing 4:20">right. 4:21">But 4:21">a 14:22">lot 14:22">of 14:22">people 14:22">don't.
0:14:23.989" data-end="00:14:29.189">4:24">So 4:24">what 4:25">does 4:25">society 4:25">look 4:26">like 4:26">when 4:27">you 4:27">have 4:27">a 4:27">whole 4:28">bunch 4:28">of 4:28">people 4:28">that 4:28">don't 0:14:29.189" data-end="00:14:35.009">4:29">want 4:29">to 4:30">face 4:31">the 4:31">fact 4:31">that 4:32">they're 4:32">going 4:32">to 4:32">die 4:32">or 14:33">that 14:33">their 14:33">loved 14:33">ones 14:33">are 4:34">going 4:34">to 4:34">die? 4:35">Yeah.
[14:37] 0:14:36.829" data-end="00:14:39.329">4:37">Well, 4:37">it's 4:38">depressing. 4:38">It's 4:38">so 4:38">depressing. 4:38">And 4:38">like, 4:39">we 4:39">don't 4:39">want 4:39">to 4:39">talk 4:39">about 0:14:39.329" data-end="00:14:44.689">4:39">that, 4:40">but 4:40">like, 4:40">you 4:40">know, 4:41">there's 4:42">millions 4:43">and 4:43">millions 4:43">of 4:43">Americans 4:43">right 4:44">now 4:44">that 4:44">are 4:44">caregivers.
0:14:44.869" data-end="00:14:47.109">4:45">There's 4:45">been 4:45">some 4:45">stories 4:46">and 4:46">some 4:46">real 4:46">good 4:46">journalism 4:47">on 4:47">this.
0:14:47.269" data-end="00:14:50.389">4:47">That 4:48">number's 4:48">increasing 4:49">because 4:49">our 4:50">population, 0:14:50.649" data-end="00:14:54.049">4:51">although 4:51">the 4:51">life 4:51">expectancy 4:52">is 4:52">dropping, 4:52">the 4:52">actual 4:53">number 4:53">of 4:53">elderly 4:54">people 0:14:54.049" data-end="00:14:57.669">4:54">in 4:54">America 4:55">is 4:55">growing 4:55">exponentially 4:56">and 4:56">will 4:56">over 4:57">the 4:57">next 4:57">few 4:57">years 4:57">as 4:58">the 0:14:57.669" data-end="00:15:02.329">4:58">boomer 14:59">generation 14:59">starts 14:59">aging 5:00">out 5:00">and 5:00">Gen 5:00">X 5:00">starts 5:01">entering 5:01">into 5:01">their 5:02">retirement 5:02">years.
0:15:02.469" data-end="00:15:04.449">5:02">This 5:03">is 5:03">going 5:03">to 5:03">keep 5:03">happening, 5:04">right? 5:04">right?
0:15:05.189" data-end="00:15:09.529">5:05">If 5:06">you've 5:06">been 5:06">a 5:06">caregiver, 5:07">this 5:07">changes 5:07">your 5:08">perspective. 5:09">Not 5:09">a 5:09">lot 5:09">of 5:09">people 0:15:09.529" data-end="00:15:11.529">5:10">have 5:10">had 5:10">to 5:10">be 5:10">a 5:10">caregiver 15:11">for 15:11">loved 15:11">ones.
0:15:11.629" data-end="00:15:15.649">5:12">The 5:12">other 5:12">thing 5:12">that's 5:12">happening 5:13">is 5:13">the 5:14">post-World 5:14">War 5:15">II 5:15">boomer 5:15">generation, 0:15:15.909" data-end="00:15:18.429">5:16">overall, 5:17">there's 5:17">a 5:17">lot 5:17">of 5:18">exceptions, 5:18">of 5:18">course.
The Evolution of Retirement and Elderly Care
[15:19] 0:15:19.249" data-end="00:15:22.469">5:19">Financially, 15:20">they 15:20">did 15:20">pretty 15:20">well 15:20">for 5:21">themselves, 5:21">so 5:21">they 5:21">got 5:21">to 5:21">do 5:22">things 5:22">like 5:22">retirement.
0:15:22.549" data-end="00:15:26.589">5:23">Remember, 5:23">retirement, 5:23">as 5:24">Americans 5:24">know 5:24">it, 5:25">that's 5:25">a 5:25">pretty 5:25">new 5:26">concept 5:26">of 5:27">the 0:15:26.589" data-end="00:15:29.969">5:27">last 5:27">60, 5:27">70 5:28">years, 5:28">especially 5:29">the 5:29">last 5:29">30 5:29">or 5:29">40 5:30">years.
0:15:30.441" data-end="00:15:34.741">5:30">So 15:31">the 15:31">idea 15:31">of 5:32">retiring 5:32">and 5:32">being 5:32">self-sufficient 5:33">in 5:33">your 5:34">golden 5:34">years 5:34">is 5:34">very 0:15:34.741" data-end="00:15:38.601">5:35">counter 5:36">to 5:36">most 5:36">of 5:36">human 5:36">history 5:37">where 5:37">you 5:37">had 5:37">multi-generational 5:38">families 5:38">and 0:15:38.601" data-end="00:15:42.621">5:39">the 5:39">elders 5:39">were 5:40">just 5:40">taken 5:40">care 5:41">of 5:41">naturally 5:41">by 5:42">the 5:42">rest 5:42">of 5:42">them 5:42">because 5:42">they 0:15:42.621" data-end="00:15:46.181">5:43">still 5:43">lived 5:43">with 5:43">you 5:43">or 5:44">lived 5:44">close 5:44">to 5:44">you 5:44">or 5:45">lived 5:45">on 5:45">the 5:45">same 5:45">farm 5:45">or 5:46">something 5:46">like 5:46">this.
0:15:46.341" data-end="00:15:50.441">5:46">That's 5:47">a 5:47">generational 5:47">ship. 15:48">It's 15:48">very 15:48">uniquely 5:49">American. 5:49">Other 5:50">countries, 0:15:50.541" data-end="00:15:51.721">5:51">they 5:51">don't 5:51">have 5:51">that 5:51">as 5:52">much.
0:15:51.721" data-end="00:15:56.641">5:52">So 5:52">this 5:52">idea 5:53">of 5:53">self-sufficient 5:54">elderly 5:54">ship 5:55">or 5:55">whatever 15:56">term 15:56">you 15:56">want 15:56">to 15:56">use, 0:15:56.741" data-end="00:16:00.061">5:57">that's 5:57">kind 5:57">of 5:58">a 5:58">new 5:58">concept 5:58">that 5:58">hasn't 5:59">really 5:59">been 5:59">fully 5:59">fleshed 6:00">out 6:00">yet, 0:16:00.101" data-end="00:16:03.221">6:00">especially, 6:01">you 6:01">know, 6:01">financially 6:02">secure 6:02">elderly 6:03">people.
0:16:03.321" data-end="00:16:06.061">6:03">That's 6:04">a 6:04">very 6:04">new 6:04">concept 6:05">because 6:05">usually 6:05">it 6:05">was 6:05">the 6:05">opposite. 6:06">it.
0:16:06.821" data-end="00:16:10.301">6:07">These 6:07">are 6:07">just 6:08">things 6:08">society-wise 6:09">we 6:09">haven't 6:09">really 6:09">worked 16:10">out 16:10">yet, 0:16:10.361" data-end="00:16:11.801">16:10">and 16:10">we're 6:11">working 6:11">them 6:11">out 6:11">on 6:11">the 6:12">fly.
0:16:11.941" data-end="00:16:15.721">6:12">So 6:12">you 6:12">have 6:12">some 6:13">things 6:14">like 6:14">our 6:14">friends 6:14">down 6:14">at 6:14">the 6:15">villages 6:15">in 6:15">Florida 6:16">where 0:16:15.721" data-end="00:16:19.721">6:16">you 6:16">have 6:16">this 6:16">ecosystem 6:17">of 6:18">pretty 6:18">well-to-do 6:19">retired 6:19">people, 0:16:19.841" data-end="00:16:23.461">6:20">but 6:20">then 6:21">you 6:21">also 6:21">have 6:21">millions 6:21">and 6:22">millions 6:22">of 6:22">elderly 6:22">people 6:23">that 6:23">don't 6:23">have 0:16:23.461" data-end="00:16:27.261">6:23">means 6:24">and 6:24">are 6:24">stuck 6:25">in 6:25">the 6:25">system, 6:25">and 6:25">they're 16:26">stuck 16:26">at 16:26">the 16:26">whims 16:26">of 6:27">Medicare 0:16:27.261" data-end="00:16:31.081">6:27">and 6:28">people 6:28">taking 6:28">care 6:29">of 6:29">them 6:29">and 6:29">things 6:29">like 6:30">that, 6:30">and 6:30">they 6:30">don't 6:30">have 6:30">those 6:31">resources.
0:16:31.601" data-end="00:16:35.041">6:32">These 6:32">are 6:32">things 6:32">we 6:33">haven't 6:33">talked 6:33">about 6:33">a 6:34">lot 6:34">because 6:34">there's 6:35">an 6:35">incentive 0:16:35.041" data-end="00:16:38.341">6:35">to 6:35">just 6:36">pretend 6:36">like 6:36">everybody's 6:37">like 6:37">the 6:37">folks 6:37">at 6:37">the 6:37">villages 6:38">making 6:38">their 0:16:38.341" data-end="00:16:39.701">6:38">own 6:39">way 6:39">and 6:39">God 6:39">bless 6:40">them.
0:16:39.721" data-end="00:16:42.901">6:40">We 6:40">have 6:40">mutual 6:40">friends 6:41">down 6:41">there. 6:41">They're 6:41">having 6:41">the 6:41">time 6:42">of 6:42">their 6:42">life. 6:42">Good 6:43">for 6:43">them.
[16:44] 0:16:43.701" data-end="00:16:48.221">16:44">Those 16:44">are 6:45">two 6:45">ends 6:45">of 6:45">a 6:45">spectrum. 6:46">And 6:46">we 6:46">need 6:47">to 6:47">understand 6:47">there's 6:47">a 6:47">spectrum 6:48">in 6:48">there.
0:16:48.341" data-end="00:16:54.701">6:48">And 16:49">life 16:49">and 16:49">death 16:49">also 16:50">means 16:51">stages 16:51">of, 16:52">well, 16:52">how 16:52">alive 16:52">are 6:53">you 6:53">and 6:53">how 16:54">close 16:54">to 16:54">death 16:54">are 16:54">you?
0:16:54.961" data-end="00:16:57.721">16:55">This 16:55">is 16:56">a 16:56">spectrum 16:56">thing 16:56">that 16:57">we 16:57">don't 16:57">talk 16:57">about 16:57">enough.
0:16:57.801" data-end="00:17:02.961">16:58">A 16:58">healthy 16:58">society 16:59">has 17:00">a 17:00">means 17:01">to 17:01">deal 17:01">with 17:01">the 17:02">entirety 17:02">of 17:02">that 17:02">spectrum.
0:17:03.481" data-end="00:17:06.701">17:03">Like 17:04">a 17:04">lot 17:04">of 17:04">things 17:04">in 17:04">our 17:04">society, 17:05">we 17:05">seem 17:05">to 17:05">only 17:06">want 17:06">to 17:06">deal 17:06">with 17:06">the 17:06">extremes 0:17:06.701" data-end="00:17:10.961">17:07">of, 17:07">oh, 17:08">let's 17:08">have 17:08">this 17:08">whole 17:08">ecosystem 17:09">online 17:09">of 17:09">selling 17:10">product 17:10">to 17:10">the 17:11">disposable 0:17:10.961" data-end="00:17:13.981">17:11">income 17:11">of 17:12">the 17:12">people 17:12">that 17:12">are 17:12">doing 17:12">really 17:12">good, 17:13">retirement 17:14">planning, 0:17:14.181" data-end="00:17:16.201">17:14">that 17:14">sort 17:14">of 17:15">thing. 17:15">That's 17:15">one 17:16">aspect.
0:17:16.721" data-end="00:17:19.521">17:17">And 17:17">then 17:17">you 17:17">have 17:17">this 17:18">other 17:18">aspect 17:18">of 17:18">we 17:18">got 17:19">to 17:19">do 17:19">something 17:19">about 17:19">these 17:19">poor 0:17:19.521" data-end="00:17:22.401">17:20">elderly 17:20">folks 17:20">that 17:20">can't 17:21">take 17:21">it 17:21">out 17:21">of 17:21">themselves, 17:22">which 17:22">we 17:22">need 17:22">to 17:22">do.
0:17:22.861" data-end="00:17:24.541">17:23">And 17:23">then 17:23">most 17:24">people 17:24">are 17:24">somewhere 17:24">in 17:24">between.
0:17:25.201" data-end="00:17:27.981">17:25">That 17:26">would 17:26">be 17:26">the 17:26">healthy 17:26">way 17:26">as 17:27">a 17:27">society 17:27">to 17:27">look 17:28">at 17:28">that 17:28">sort 0:17:27.981" data-end="00:17:31.441">17:28">of 17:28">of 17:28">thing 17:28">i 17:28">think 17:29">yeah 7:30">i 7:31">mean 0:17:31.441" data-end="00:17:34.261">7:31">i 7:32">think 7:32">one 7:32">of 7:32">the 7:32">things 7:32">that 7:32">i 7:33">i 7:33">one 17:34">of 0:17:34.261" data-end="00:17:38.861">17:34">the 17:34">reasons 17:34">i 17:35">actually 17:35">wanted 17:35">to 17:35">talk 17:35">to 17:36">you 17:36">about 17:36">this 17:36">also 17:36">is 17:36">because 7:37">um 17:38">i've 0:17:38.861" data-end="00:17:44.141">7:39">entered 7:39">that 7:39">whole 7:40">caregiving 7:40">role 7:41">and 7:41">that's 7:41">been 7:42">something 7:43">that's 7:43">been 7:43">building 0:17:44.141" data-end="00:17:49.781">7:44">over 7:45">time 7:45">with 7:46">with 7:46">especially 7:46">with 7:46">my 7:47">mother 7:47">but 7:48">that 7:48">really 7:48">ramped 7:49">up 7:49">this 0:17:49.781" data-end="00:17:54.821">7:50">last 7:50">summer 7:51">when 7:51">she 7:51">had 7:51">a 7:51">stroke 7:52">um 7:52">and 7:53">you 7:54">know 7:54">you 7:54">have 7:55">to.
Personal Experiences and Realities of Caregiving and Mortality
[17:56] 0:17:56.449" data-end="00:18:03.809">7:56">You 7:57">know 7:57">do 7:58">a 7:58">lot 7:58">more 7:59">especially 7:59">and 8:00">and 8:00">facing 8:01">with 8:01">that 8:01">fact 8:01">of 8:02">mortality 8:02">um 8:03">in 8:03">a 8:03">way 8:04">that, 8:04.449" data-end="00:18:11.009">8:04">you 8:05">may 8:05">have 8:05">not 8:05">before 8:06">or 8:06">it 8:07">was 8:07">more 8:08">abstract 8:08">and 18:09">it 8:10">became 8:10">a 8:10">little 8:11">bit 8:11">more 8:11.009" data-end="00:18:16.889">8:11">real 8:12">and 8:12">she's 8:13">not 8:13">in 8:13">any 8:13">stage 8:14">right 8:15">now 8:15">where 8:15">you 18:16">know 18:16">we're 18:16">thinking 18:16">hospice 00:18:16.889" data-end="00:18:20.489">8:17">but 8:17">um 8:18">even 8:19">that 8:20">at 8:20">times 8:20">you 8:20">You 8:20">know, 8:20.489" data-end="00:18:24.469">8:20">when 8:21">we 8:21">were 8:21">looking 8:21">for 8:22">a 8:22">new 8:22">assisted 8:24">living 8:24">facility, 8:24.829" data-end="00:18:29.709">8:25">I've 8:25">talked 8:26">about, 8:26">you 8:27">know, 8:27">that 8:27">this 8:28">is 8:28">a 8:28">place 8:28">where 8:28">she 8:28">could 8:28">actually 8:29">have 8:29">hospice 8:29">in 8:29">place.
8:30.269" data-end="00:18:34.589">8:30">So, 8:31">you 8:31">know, 8:31">you 8:31">kind 18:32">of 18:32">have 18:32">to, 18:32">you're 8:33">kind 8:33">of, 8:34">when 8:34">you're 8:34">dealing 8:34">with 8:34.589" data-end="00:18:39.149">8:35">it 8:35">as 8:35">a 8:35">caregiver, 8:35">all 8:36">of 8:36">a 8:36">sudden 8:36">life 8:37">and 8:37">death, 8:37">it's 8:37">a 8:37">lot 8:38">more 8:38">real, 8:38">I 8:39">think. 8:39">Yeah.
8:39.769" data-end="00:18:43.769">8:40">Yeah, 8:40">I 8:40">think 8:41">so 8:41">too. 8:41">As 8:41">we 8:42">sit 8:42">recording 8:42">this 8:43">right 8:43">now, 8:43">whenever 8:43">it 8:44">comes 8:43.769" data-end="00:18:46.429">8:44">out, 8:44">I'm 8:44">leaving 8:44">tomorrow 8:45">to 8:45">go 8:45">take 8:45">care 8:46">of 8:46">my 8:46">mom 8:46">and 8:46">dad. 8:46">that.
8:47.069" data-end="00:18:49.969">8:47">Like 8:47">those 8:48">millions 8:48">of 8:48">Americans 8:48">we 8:48">talked 8:49">to 8:49">be, 8:49">I'm 8:49">going 8:49">to 8:49">be 8:49">a 8:50">full-time 8:49.969" data-end="00:18:51.349">8:50">caregiver 8:50">for 8:51">the 8:51">foreseeable 8:51">future.
8:51.429" data-end="00:18:55.869">8:51">My 8:52">father 8:52">had 8:52">a 8:52">stroke 8:52">on 8:53">New 8:53">Year's 8:53">Day, 8:54">debilitating 8:55">stroke, 8:55">massive 8:56">stroke.
8:56.009" data-end="00:18:58.909">8:56">He's 8:56">doing 8:56">medically, 8:57">he's 8:57">fine. 8:57">He's 8:57">got 8:58">a 8:58">lot 8:58">of 8:58">recovery 8:58">rehab 8:59">wise.
8:59.529" data-end="00:19:02.729">9:00">That's 9:00">going 9:00">to 9:00">be 9:00">my 9:00">life 9:01">starting 9:01">tomorrow. 9:02">Literally, 9:02">I'm 9:02">going 9:02">to 9:03">drive 0:19:02.729" data-end="00:19:05.429">9:03">up 9:03">there. 9:03">I'm 9:03">going 9:03">to 9:03">take 9:03">care 9:04">of 9:04">my 9:04">mom 9:04">and 9:04">we're 9:04">going 9:04">to 9:04">go 9:04">see 9:04">dad 9:05">and 9:05">see 9:05">where 9:05">we're 9:05">at.
[19:06] 0:19:06.229" data-end="00:19:11.089">9:06">I 9:07">come 9:07">from 9:07">a 9:07">big 9:07">family. 9:08">My 9:08">mom's 9:08">the 9:09">ninth 9:09">of 9:09">10 9:09">kids. 9:10">She 9:10">lives 9:10">in 9:10">the 9:10">old 9:11">home 9:11">place.
0:19:11.709" data-end="00:19:15.909">9:12">My 9:12">family's 9:13">very 9:13">tight 9:13">knit 9:13">on 9:14">my 9:14">mom's 9:14">side, 9:14">my 9:15">dad's 9:15">side 9:15">too, 9:15">he's 9:15">one 9:16">of 9:16">five.
0:19:16.689" data-end="00:19:19.689">9:17">Um, 9:17">I 9:17">came 9:18">from 9:18">a 9:18">big 9:18">family, 9:18">so 9:19">it 9:19">was 9:19">just 9:19">understood 9:19">like, 0:19:19.749" data-end="00:19:21.149">9:20">oh 9:20">no, 9:20">we 9:20">all 9:20">take 9:21">care 9:21">of 9:21">each 9:21">other.
0:19:21.189" data-end="00:19:24.309">9:21">My, 9:21">my 9:22">three 9:22">neighbors 9:22">around 9:23">our 9:23">house 9:23">was 9:23">all 9:24">aunts 9:24">and 9:24">uncles, 0:19:24.389" data-end="00:19:27.829">9:24">you 9:25">know, 9:25">aunt 9:25">June 9:25">lived 9:25">over 9:26">here, 9:26">aunt 9:26">Mary 9:26">and 9:26">aunt 9:27">uncle 9:27">Art 9:27">lived 9:27">right 9:28">under 9:28">there.
0:19:27.869" data-end="00:19:29.489">9:28">I 9:28">didn't 9:28">know 9:28">they 9:28">weren't 9:29">even 9:29">married 9:29">until 9:29">they 9:29">got 9:29">married.
0:19:29.549" data-end="00:19:31.109">9:30">I'm 9:30">like, 9:30">what 9:30">do 9:30">you 9:30">mean 9:30">they're 9:30">getting 9:30">married? 9:30">I 9:31">thought 9:31">they 9:31">were 9:31">married.
0:19:31.389" data-end="00:19:35.649">9:31">Uh, 9:32">you 9:32">know, 9:33">aunt 9:33">Mary 9:33">and 9:33">uncle 9:34">Art 9:34">was 9:34">up 9:35">here 9:35">on 9:35">this 9:35">side 9:35">of 9:35">the 9:35">hill.
0:19:35.669" data-end="00:19:37.789">9:36">And 9:36">then 9:36">uncle 9:36">Fred 9:36">and 9:36">aunt 9:37">Patsy 9:37">was 9:37">on 9:37">this 9:37">side 9:38">of 9:38">the 9:38">hill.
0:19:38.345" data-end="00:19:41.665">9:38">And, 9:39">uh, 9:39">almost 9:39">all 9:40">of 9:40">them 9:40">are 9:40">gone 9:40">now, 9:40">but 9:40">that's 9:41">how 9:41">I 9:41">grew 9:41">up 9:41">with 9:41">family.
0:19:41.765" data-end="00:19:44.925">9:42">It 9:42">was 9:42">literally, 9:43">well, 9:43">of 9:43">course, 9:43">family 9:44">will 9:44">take 9:44">care 9:44">of 9:44">you. 9:44">They're 9:44">steps 9:45">away.
0:19:45.465" data-end="00:19:49.005">9:45">Um, 9:46">that's 9:46">a 9:46">blessed 9:47">way 9:47">to 9:47">grow 9:47">up, 9:47">but 9:48">it 9:48">also 9:48">brought 9:48">that 9:49">of, 0:19:49.105" data-end="00:19:53.005">9:49">you 9:50">know, 9:50">when 9:50">Mamaw 9:51">had 9:51">her 9:51">heart 9:51">attack 9:52">and 9:52">then 9:52">later 9:52">on 9:52">she 9:52">had 9:53">her 9:53">strokes 0:19:53.005" data-end="00:19:56.005">9:53">and 9:53">actually 9:53">she 9:54">had 9:54">a 9:54">stroke 9:54">in 9:55">church 9:55">that 9:55">actually 9:55">killed 9:55">her 9:56">about 9:56">a 9:56">week 0:19:56.005" data-end="00:19:58.185">9:56">later. 9:56">Cause 9:56">she 9:57">kept 9:57">having 9:57">the 9:57">mini 9:57">strokes 19:58">after 19:58">it.
0:19:58.505" data-end="00:20:01.925">9:59">Um, 9:59">you 20:00">know, 20:00">it 20:00">was 20:00">just 20:00">understood 20:01">like, 20:01">oh 20:01">yeah, 20:01">the 20:01">family 0:02">will 0:02">take 0:02">care 00:20:01.925" data-end="00:20:03.225">0:02">of 0:02">you. 0:02">Don't 0:03">even 0:03">worry 0:03">about 0:03">it.
0:03.745" data-end="00:20:07.225">0:04">Modern 0:04">age, 0:05">20, 0:05">30 0:05">years 0:05">later 0:06">down 0:06">the 0:06">road, 0:06">we 0:06">understand 0:07">there's 0:07">a 0:07">lot 0:07">more 0:07.225" data-end="00:20:08.925">0:07">to 0:07">that. 0:08">that. 0:08">There's 0:08">the 0:08">financial 0:08">aspects.
0:09.105" data-end="00:20:12.085">0:09">Healthcare 0:09">is 0:10">a 0:10">lot 0:10">different 0:10">now 0:10">than 0:11">it 0:11">used 0:11">to 0:11">be. 0:11">You 0:11">can't 0:11">just 0:12">run 0:12">somebody 0:12.085" data-end="00:20:13.345">0:12">to 0:12">the 0:12">hospital 0:13">and 0:13">drop 0:13">them 0:13">off.
[20:14] 0:14.065" data-end="00:20:18.245">0:14">We 0:14">did 0:15">it. 0:15">My 0:15">father's 0:16">been 0:16">very 0:16">smart 0:17">with 0:17">his 0:17">money, 0:17">so 0:17">it 0:17">wasn't 20:18">a 20:18">huge 20:18">issue, 00:20:18.365" data-end="00:20:21.065">20:18">but 0:19">we 0:19">had 0:19">to 0:19">have 20:20">those 20:20">discussions 20:20">right 20:20">off 20:21">the 20:21">bat 20:21">in 20:21">the 20:21">hospital.
00:20:21.145" data-end="00:20:22.525">20:21">Like, 20:21">where 20:22">are 20:22">they 20:22">going 20:22">to 20:22">put 20:22">him 20:22">in 20:22">rehab?
00:20:22.665" data-end="00:20:25.965">20:23">Because 20:23">we 20:23">have 20:23">to 20:23">travel. 20:24">Mom's 20:24">got 20:24">to 20:24">travel. 20:25">We 20:25">got 20:25">to 20:25">pay 20:25">for 20:25">hotel 20:25">rooms 20:26">now.
20:26.605" data-end="00:20:31.405">20:27">Hotel 20:27">room, 20:28">you're 20:28">talking 20:28">$1,000 20:29">a 20:29">week 20:29">right 20:29">there, 20:30">probably 20:30">for 20:31">halfway 20:31">decent, 00:20:31.485" data-end="00:20:35.385">20:31">even 20:32">at 20:32">the 20:32">medical 20:32">rate, 20:33">which 20:33">was 20:33">really 20:33">good 20:34">up 20:34">there. 20:34">Those 20:34">are 20:35">the 20:35">conversations 00:20:35.385" data-end="00:20:38.425">20:35">you 20:36">start 20:36">having. 20:36">Those 20:36">are 20:37">another 20:37">societal 20:38">changes.
00:20:38.545" data-end="00:20:41.305">20:39">I 20:39">don't 20:39">know 20:39">people 20:39">understand 20:40">how 20:40">expensive 20:40">healthcare 20:41">has 20:41">gotten, 00:20:41.445" data-end="00:20:43.565">20:41">but 20:42">also 20:42">how 20:42">complex 20:43">it's 20:43">gotten.
00:20:43.805" data-end="00:20:47.925">20:44">It's 20:44">really 20:45">– 20:45">even 20:45">dad's 20:46">got 20:46">– 20:46">they're 20:47">retired 20:48">school 20:48">teachers.
20:48.045" data-end="00:20:49.705">20:48">They 20:48">got 20:48">PEIA 20:49">and 20:49">I 20:49">think 20:49">Humana.
00:20:50.025" data-end="00:20:54.805">20:50">If 20:51">I 20:51">remember 20:51">right, 20:51">I 20:51">think 20:51">Humana 20:52">actually 20:53">executes 0:54">it 0:54">through 0:54">PEIA, 0:54.905" data-end="00:20:58.305">0:55">Public 0:55">Employee 0:56">Insurance 0:56">Agency 0:56">for 0:57">West 0:57">Virginia's 0:57">retired 0:58">school 0:58">teachers.
0:58.305" data-end="00:21:01.805">0:58">And 0:59">dad 0:59">has 0:59">good 0:59">savings, 1:00">so 1:00">they're 1:00">in 1:00">very 1:01">good 1:01">shape 1:01">comparatively.
00:21:02.345" data-end="00:21:05.205">21:02">But 1:03">even 1:03">at 1:03">that, 1:03">just 1:03">navigating 1:04">it. 1:04">Who 1:05">do 1:05">you 1:05">call? 1:05">Well, 1:05.245" data-end="00:21:08.085">1:05">we 1:05">have 1:05">three 1:06">different 1:06">ambulance 1:06">rides 1:07">because 1:07">he 1:07">went 1:07">to 1:07">local 1:07">hospitals 1:08">and 1:08.085" data-end="00:21:10.025">1:08">they 1:08">transported 1:09">him 1:09">to 1:09">the 1:09">big 1:09">hospital 1:09">at 1:10">WVU.
1:10.145" data-end="00:21:12.945">1:10">Then 1:10">they 1:11">transported 1:11">him 1:11">to 1:11">rehab, 1:12">which 1:12">they 1:12">said, 1:12">do 1:12">you 1:12">want 1:13">to 1:13">take 1:13">him 1:12.945" data-end="00:21:14.205">1:13">in 1:13">the 1:13">car 1:13">because 1:14">there'll 1:14">be 1:14">a 1:14">chore?
1:14.325" data-end="00:21:17.825">1:14">And 1:14">I'm 1:15">like, 1:15">he's 1:15">paralyzed 1:15">on 1:16">one 1:16">side. 1:16">No, 1:16">I 1:16">can't 1:17">take 1:17">him 1:17">in 1:17">my 1:17">car. 1:18">I 1:18">understand.
1:18.245" data-end="00:21:22.965">1:18">Like, 1:19">you 1:19">have 1:19">to 1:19">sign 1:19">five 21:20">forms 21:20">because 21:21">it's 21:22">going 21:22">to 21:22">cost 21:22">you 21:22">for 21:22">that 21:23">transport, 21:23.185" data-end="00:21:25.445">21:23">but 21:23">it's 21:24">what, 21:24">you 21:24">know, 21:24">just 21:24">safety-wise 21:25">and 21:25">everything. 21:25">thing.
00:21:25.685" data-end="00:21:28.925">1:26">That's 1:26">the 1:26">kind 1:26">of 1:26">conversations 1:27">people 1:27">don't 1:28">think 1:28">about 1:28">ahead 1:28">of 1:28">time 1:29">if 1:29">they've 1:28.925" data-end="00:21:31.805">1:29">never 1:29">been 1:29">caregivers. 1:30">It 1:30">goes 1:30">exactly 1:30">to 1:31">what 1:31">you 1:31">were 1:31">just 1:31">talking 1:31">about.
1:32.425" data-end="00:21:34.285">1:32">Our 1:33">society 1:33">is 1:34">changing 1:34">and.
[21:35] 1:35.213" data-end="00:21:39.333">1:35">This 1:36">is 1:36">where 1:36">policy 1:36">stuff 1:37">and 1:37">politics 1:37">and 1:38">this 1:38">is 1:38">where 1:39">it 1:39">meets 1:39">with 1:39">things 1:39.333" data-end="00:21:44.333">1:39">like 21:40">health 21:40">care 21:40">is 21:40">like 21:40">you 1:41">get 1:41">older, 1:42">your 1:42">health 21:43">care 21:43">stuff 21:43">gets 21:43">really 21:43">complicated, 21:44">really 21:44">fast.
00:21:44.413" data-end="00:21:47.813">21:44">And 1:45">usually 1:45">suddenly, 1:46">you 1:46">know, 1:46">you 1:46">have 1:47">a 1:47">stroke, 1:47">you 1:47">have 1:47">a 1:47">heart 1:48">attack, 1:47.933" data-end="00:21:49.953">1:48">you 1:48">have 1:48">a 1:48">fall, 1:49">you 1:49">have 1:49">an 1:49">injury, 1:49">you 1:49">break 21:50">a 21:50">hip.
21:50.173" data-end="00:21:53.733">21:50">Now, 1:51">all 1:51">of 1:51">a 1:51">sudden, 1:51">your 1:51">health 1:51">care 1:52">stuff, 1:52">it 1:52">just 1:53">goes 1:53">faster 1:53">than 1:54">people 1:53.733" data-end="00:21:57.313">1:54">can 1:54">come 1:54">up 1:54">with, 1:55">even 1:55">people 1:55">that 1:55">are 1:55">well 1:55">prepared, 1:56">even 21:57">with 21:57">people, 00:21:57.413" data-end="00:22:00.413">21:57">you 1:58">know, 1:58">my 1:59">parents 1:59">aren't 1:59">rich, 1:59">but 2:00">they 2:00">were 2:00">smart 2:00">with 2:00">their 2:00">money.
2:00.413" data-end="00:22:02.633">2:00">They 2:01">have 2:01">enough 2:01">means 2:01">where 2:01">it's 2:02">not 2:02">catastrophic.
00:22:03.213" data-end="00:22:06.533">22:03">That's 22:04">the 22:04">first 22:04">thing 22:04">we 22:04">sat 22:04">down 2:05">with 2:05">moms 2:05">like, 2:05">hey, 2:05">we 2:06">got 2:06">to 2:06">be 2:06">smart 2:06">with 2:06.533" data-end="00:22:08.873">2:07">the 2:07">money 2:07">now 2:07">because 2:07">we 2:07">don't 2:07">know 2:07">how 2:08">long 2:08">this 2:08">is. 2:08">Yes, 2:08">we 2:08">have 2:09">plenty 2:09">of 2:08.873" data-end="00:22:09.973">2:09">money, 2:09">but 2:09">we 2:09">want 2:09">it 2:10">to 2:10">be 2:10">there.
2:10.393" data-end="00:22:13.273">2:10">These 22:11">are 22:11">conversations, 22:12">all 22:12">these 22:12">families 22:12">that 2:13">are, 2:13">you 2:13">know, 2:13.273" data-end="00:22:15.593">2:13">these 2:13">millions 2:14">of 2:14">people 2:14">that 2:14">are 2:14">caregivers, 2:15">these 2:15">are 2:15">conversations 2:15">that 2:16">are 2:15.593" data-end="00:22:17.913">2:16">happening 2:16">every 22:17">day 22:17">with 22:17">folks. 2:18">folks.
2:18.273" data-end="00:22:20.533">2:18">So 2:19">when 2:19">we're 2:19">talking 2:19">about 2:19">policy 2:20">with 2:20">stuff 2:20">like 2:20">healthcare, 2:20.713" data-end="00:22:23.153">2:21">with 2:21">stuff 2:21">like, 2:21">so, 2:21">you 22:22">know, 22:22">we're 22:22">getting 22:22">ready 22:22">to 22:22">have 22:22">a 2:23">big 2:23">fight 2:23">over 2:23.153" data-end="00:22:26.133">2:23">social 2:23">security 22:24">and 22:24">Medicare 22:24">and 2:25">Medicaid, 2:25">because 2:26">we 2:26">have 2:26">to, 2:26.173" data-end="00:22:26.953">2:26">because 2:26">it 2:27">ain't 2:27">working.
2:27.073" data-end="00:22:31.533">2:27">Cause 2:27">you 2:28">know, 2:28">look, 2:29">you 2:29">got 2:29">to 2:30">raise 2:30">taxes 2:30">or 2:30">cut 2:30">benefits 2:31">and 2:31">probably 2:31">both, 2:31.593" data-end="00:22:33.813">2:32">or 2:32">you're 2:32">going 2:32">to 2:32">need 2:32">another 2:32">hundred 2:33">million 2:33">immigrants, 2:33">one 2:33">or 2:34">the 2:34">other, 2:33.853" data-end="00:22:36.653">2:34">you 2:34">know, 2:34">you're 2:34">going 2:35">to 2:35">need 2:35">probably 2:35">a 2:35">combination 2:35">thereof 2:36">to 2:36">make 2:36">that 2:36">thing 2:36.653" data-end="00:22:39.153">2:37">work. 2:37">These 2:37">are 2:38">the 2:38">conversations 2:38">you 2:39">have 2:39">to 2:39">have.
2:39.693" data-end="00:22:43.053">2:40">If 2:40">you 2:40">talk 2:40">about 2:41">mortality 2:41">in 2:42">a 2:42">healthy 2:42">manner, 2:43">though.
2:43.313" data-end="00:22:49.393">2:43">It 2:44">brings 2:44">all 2:44">this 2:44">back 2:45">in 2:45">the 2:45">focus 2:45">of, 2:46">look, 2:46">people 2:47">have 2:47">to 22:48">have 22:48">options.
[22:50] 2:49.993" data-end="00:22:53.533">2:50">What 2:50">are 2:51">those 2:51">options 2:51">going 2:51">to 2:51">be? 2:52">Because 2:52">we're 2:52">all 2:52">going 2:52">to 2:52">get 2:53">sick 2:53">if 2:53">the 2:53.533" data-end="00:22:55.333">2:54">Lord 2:54">tarries 2:54">and 2:55">the 2:55">creek 2:55">don't 2:55">rise.
2:55.533" data-end="00:22:59.373">2:56">We're 2:56">all 2:56">going 2:56">to 2:56">die 22:57">at 22:57">some 22:57">point, 22:57">hopefully 2:58">in 2:58">old 2:58">age, 2:59">surrounded 2:59">by 2:59">people 2:59.373" data-end="00:23:01.313">2:59">that 3:00">love 3:00">us. 3:00">But 3:00">not 3:00">everybody 3:01">gets 3:01">that.
3:01.513" data-end="00:23:04.133">3:02">You 3:02">know, 3:02">my 3:02">dad's 3:02">rehab 3:03">center, 3:03">it's 3:03">a 3:03">lot 3:03">of 3:04">older 3:04">people.
3:04.413" data-end="00:23:08.353">3:04">There's 3:05">a 3:05">guy 3:05">in 3:05">there 3:05">that's 3:05">22 3:06">years 3:06">old 3:06">with 3:06">a 3:06">traumatic 3:07">brain 3:07">injury 3:07">two 3:07">doors 3:08">down 3:08">from 3:08">me.
Rehab and Speech Therapy for TBI Patients
[23:09] 23:09.433" data-end="00:23:12.253">23:09">Rehabbing. 3:10">It's 3:10">going 3:10">to 3:11">be 3:11">there 3:11">for 3:11">a 3:11">very 3:11">long 3:11">time 3:12">with 3:12">a 3:12">TBI.
3:12.433" data-end="00:23:17.353">3:12">I 3:13">had 3:13">a 3:13">TBI 3:13">in 3:14">my 3:14">early 3:15">thirties. 3:16">Okay. 3:16">I 3:16">was 3:16">just 3:16">right 3:17">at 3:17">30.
3:17.633" data-end="00:23:21.153">3:18">I 3:18">had 3:18">a 3:18">TBI, 3:19">had 3:19">to 3:19">rehab 23:20">it, 23:20">which 23:20">is 23:20">a 23:20">blessing 23:20">now 3:21">because 3:21">I 3:21">can 3:21">talk 3:21">to 3:21.153" data-end="00:23:23.073">3:21">my 3:21">mom 3:21">and 3:22">dad 3:22">and 3:22">be 3:22">like, 3:22">yes, 3:23">speech.
3:23.193" data-end="00:23:25.893">3:23">You 3:23">feel 3:23">like 3:24">an 3:24">idiot 3:24">sitting 3:24">there 3:25">going, 3:25">ooh, 3:25">ooh, 3:25">ah, 23:26">ah, 3:25.893" data-end="00:23:28.873">23:26">D, 23:26">D, 23:26">D, 3:27">because 3:27">they're 3:27">literally 3:27">teaching 3:27">you 3:28">to 3:28">talk 3:28">like 3:28">a 3:28">two-year-old 3:28.873" data-end="00:23:33.013">3:29">because 3:29">that's 3:29">what 3:30">you 3:30">have 3:30">to 3:30">relearn 3:30">and 23:31">retrain 23:31">the 23:31">muscles 23:31">in 23:31">your 3:32">face. 3:32">You 3:32">feel 3:32">like 3:32">an 3:33">idiot.
3:33.293" data-end="00:23:37.073">3:33">It 3:34">feels 3:34">stupid, 3:34">but 23:35">you 23:35">got 23:35">to 23:35">do, 23:35">I 23:35">can 23:35">explain 3:36">that 3:36">because 3:37">I've 3:37">been 3:37">there 3:37.073" data-end="00:23:39.853">3:37">and 3:37">done 3:38">that 3:38">because 3:38">I've 3:39">done 3:39">that 3:39">rehab 3:39">stuff.
3:40.053" data-end="00:23:43.213">3:40">And 3:40">that's 3:41">another 3:41">part 3:41">of 3:41">this. 3:41">A 3:41">lot 23:42">of 23:42">people, 23:42">they 23:42">don't 23:42">see 23:43">in 23:43">those 23:43">rehab 00:23:43.213" data-end="00:23:47.593">23:43">centers, 3:44">you 3:44">know, 3:44">the 3:44">work 3:45">that 3:45">goes 3:45">in 3:45">the 23:46">professionalism 23:46">of 3:47">those 3:47">people. 3:47">We 3:47">were 3:47">blessed.
3:47.673" data-end="00:23:50.833">3:48">These 3:48">people 3:48">are 3:48">exceptional 3:49">people, 3:49">physical 3:50">therapists, 3:50">uh, 3:50.953" data-end="00:23:56.913">3:51">speech 3:51">therapists, 3:52">OT 3:52">therapists, 3:54">the 3:54">counselors 3:55">that 3:55">talk 3:55">them 3:55">through 3:56">group 3:56">sessions 3:56">of 3:57">this.
3:57.013" data-end="00:23:59.333">3:57">You've 3:57">had 3:58">a 3:58">stroke. 3:58">Let 3:58">me 3:59">take 3:59">one 3:59">quick 3:59">thing.
3:59.453" data-end="00:24:02.373">3:59">I 4:00">think 4:00">this 4:00">is 4:00">amazing. 4:01">And 4:01">this 4:01">is 4:01">something 4:01">societally 4:02">we 4:02">need 4:02">to 4:02">do.
4:02.413" data-end="00:24:05.133">4:02">When 4:02">my 4:03">dad, 4:03">I 4:03">tweeted 4:03">about 4:03">this 4:03">when 4:04">my 4:04">dad 4:04">was 4:04">in 4:04">his 4:04">hospital 24:05">room 24:05">at 24:05">Ruby, 00:24:05.233" data-end="00:24:06.233">24:05">the 24:05">main 24:06">hospital 24:06">there.
[24:07] 4:07.288" data-end="00:24:11.108">4:07">He 4:07">had 4:08">a 4:08">volunteer 4:08">come 4:08">in, 4:09">guy's 4:09">75 4:09">years 4:10">old, 4:10">but 4:10">he 4:10">was 4:10">a 4:10">stroke 4:11">survivor, 4:11.368" data-end="00:24:12.868">4:11">and 4:12">he's 4:12">just 4:12">a 4:12">volunteer.
4:13.168" data-end="00:24:17.748">4:13">And 4:14">his 4:14">job 4:14">is 4:15">he 4:15">walks 4:15">around 4:16">and 4:16">talks 4:16">to 4:16">the 4:17">people 4:17">that 4:17">just 4:17">had 4:17">a 24:18">stroke 4:17.748" data-end="00:24:20.468">24:18">before 24:18">they 24:18">do 24:18">anything 4:19">else 4:19">medically, 4:19">before 4:20">they've 4:20">gone 4:20">to 4:20">rehab, 4:20.648" data-end="00:24:23.008">4:21">before 4:21">their 4:21">symptoms 24:22">have 24:22">really 24:22">stabilized.
00:24:23.388" data-end="00:24:27.288">24:23">He 4:24">walks 4:24">in 4:25">and 4:25">he 4:25">just 4:26">talks 4:26">to 4:26">him 4:26">for 4:26">a 4:26">minute 4:27">and 4:27">says, 4:27">hey, 4:27.388" data-end="00:24:29.908">4:27">my 4:28">name 4:28">is 4:28">John. 4:29">I'm 4:29">a 4:29">stroke 4:30">survivor.
4:30.208" data-end="00:24:34.648">4:30">I 4:31">laid 4:31">in 4:31">the 4:31">bed 4:31">right 4:31">where 4:32">you 4:32">did, 4:32">and 24:33">I 24:33">couldn't 4:34">move 4:34">my 4:34">arms 4:34">and 4:34">legs.
4:34.808" data-end="00:24:36.988">4:35">I 4:35">couldn't 4:35">talk. 4:36">I 4:36">thought 4:36">my 4:36">life 4:37">was 4:37">over.
4:37.288" data-end="00:24:40.248">4:37">And 4:38">I 4:38">drove 4:38">here 4:38">today 4:38">in 4:39">my 4:39">vintage 4:39">Mustang 4:39">six-speed.
4:41.088" data-end="00:24:42.188">4:41">You 4:42">can 4:42">do 4:42">it 4:42">too.
[24:43] 4:43.448" data-end="00:24:46.528">4:43">That's 4:44">a 4:44">volunteer. 4:45">That's 4:45">not 4:45">a 4:45">guy 4:45">that 4:45">gets 4:45">paid. 4:46">That's 4:46">not 4:46">a 4:46">government 4:46.528" data-end="00:24:49.628">4:47">program. 4:47">That's 4:47">not 4:47">healthcare 4:48">money. 4:48">Insurance 4:49">doesn't 4:49">pay 4:49">for 4:49">that.
4:49.948" data-end="00:24:52.608">4:50">What 4:50">effect 4:51">do 4:51">you 4:51">think 4:51">that 4:52">has 4:52">on 4:52">patients?
4:52.968" data-end="00:24:58.208">4:53">It's 4:53">little 4:54">stuff 4:54">like 4:54">that 4:55">that 4:55">is 4:56">really 4:56">important 4:56">that 4:57">societally 4:57">we 4:57">need 4:58">to 4:58">talk 4:58">about.
4:58.308" data-end="00:25:02.028">4:58">We 24:59">need 24:59">to 24:59">have 5:00">more 5:00">people 5:00">like 5:00">that 5:01">as 5:01">part 5:01">of 5:01">the 5:01">healthcare 5:02">system, 5:02.188" data-end="00:25:05.068">5:02">not 5:03">just 5:03">the 5:03">big 5:03">insurance 5:03">companies, 5:04">not 5:04">just 5:04">the 5:04">expensive 5:05">stuff.
5:05.328" data-end="00:25:07.248">5:05">That 5:06">stuff's 5:07">important 5:07">too.
5:07.708" data-end="00:25:10.988">5:08">But 5:08">that's 5:08">an 5:09">older 5:09">man 5:09">who 5:09">has 5:09">that 5:10">perspective 5:10">to 5:10">do 25:11">it.
25:11.688" data-end="00:25:15.628">5:12">And 5:12">I 5:12">think 5:12">that's 5:13">one 5:13">thing 5:13">younger 5:14">people, 5:14">he 5:14">has 5:14">mortality 5:15">in 5:15">its 5:15">proper 5:15.628" data-end="00:25:17.448">5:16">place 5:16">in 5:16">his 5:16">life. 5:17">He 5:17">still 5:17">has 5:17">symptoms.
5:17.568" data-end="00:25:23.568">5:18">He 5:18">doesn't 5:19">talk 5:19">just 5:19">completely 25:20">perfect, 25:20">you 25:20">can 5:21">tell, 5:21">but 5:22">he's 5:22">75 5:22">and 5:23">he 5:23">does 5:23">that 5:23">every 5:23">day.
5:23.648" data-end="00:25:26.848">5:24">He's 5:24">there 5:24">five 5:24">days 5:24">a 5:25">week 5:25">at 5:25">the 5:25">hospital 5:25">talking 5:25">to 5:26">stroke 5:26">patients 5:26">at 5:26">the 5:26">neurosenter.
5:27.308" data-end="00:25:32.628">5:27">These 5:28">are 5:28">the 5:28">things 5:28">we 5:29">need 5:29">to 5:29">talk 5:29">about 5:29">in 5:30">in 5:30">a 5:30">healthy 5:30">manner 5:30">with 25:31">mortality, 25:31">but 5:32">also 5:32">with 5:32">policy.
5:33.208" data-end="00:25:37.328">5:33">Hey, 5:34">maybe 5:34">we 5:34">should 5:34">fund 5:35">some 5:35">people 5:35">like 5:35">John 5:35">to 5:36">go 5:36">do 5:36">that 5:36">so 5:36">they 5:37">can 5:37">encourage 5:37">people.
[25:38] 5:38.088" data-end="00:25:42.748">5:38">Maybe 5:38">we 5:39">need 5:39">to 5:39">spend 5:39">a 5:40">little 5:40">less 5:40">money 5:40">on 5:41">this 5:42">type 5:42">of 5:42">whatever 5:42">health 5:43">care 5:42.748" data-end="00:25:45.728">5:43">and 5:43">a 5:43">little 5:43">more 5:43">on 5:43">the 5:44">physical 5:44">therapists 5:44">and 5:44">the 5:45">nurses 5:45">and 5:45">things 5:45">like 5:46">that.
5:45.868" data-end="00:25:49.848">5:46">Those 5:46">are 5:46">all 5:47">proper 5:47">conversations. 25:48">Once 25:48">we 25:48">fixate 5:49">mortality, 5:50.328" data-end="00:25:52.188">5:50">we're 5:51">going 5:51">to 5:51">get 5:51">sick. 5:51">We're 5:52">going 5:52">to 5:52">die.
5:52.348" data-end="00:25:55.268">5:52">It's 5:53">not 5:53">just 5:53">a 5:53">number 5:53">on 5:53">the 5:54">wall. 5:54">It's 5:54">not 5:54">just 5:54">going 5:55">to 5:55">happen 5:55">to 5:55">somebody 5:55.268" data-end="00:25:56.428">5:55">else. 25:56">It's 25:56">going 25:56">to 25:56">happen 25:56">to 25:56">you.
00:25:56.988" data-end="00:26:01.628">5:57">Let's 5:57">talk 5:57">about 5:57">it 5:58">in 5:58">those 5:58">terms 5:59">instead 5:59">of 5:59">just 5:59">dollars 6:00">and 6:01">cents 6:01">and 6:01">ideology 6:01.628" data-end="00:26:06.088">6:02">and, 6:03">hey, 6:03">this 6:04">kind 6:04">of 6:04">health 6:04">care 6:04">is 6:05">better 6:05">than 6:05">this 6:05">kind 6:05">of 6:06">health 6:06">care 6:06">because 6:06.088" data-end="00:26:07.988">6:06">this 6:06">one 6:06">size 6:07">fits 6:07">all 6:07">ain't 6:07">going 6:07">to 6:07">work 6:08">real 6:08">well.
6:08.268" data-end="00:26:11.408">6:08">That's 6:09">the 6:09">conversations 6:09">I 6:09">want 26:10">to 26:10">have, 26:10">especially 26:10">now 26:10">that 6:11">I 6:11">am 6:11">a 6:11">caregiver 6:11.408" data-end="00:26:14.608">6:11">and 6:12">I'm 6:12">having 6:13">to 6:13">do 6:13">this 6:13">and 6:13">I'm 6:14">having 6:14">to 6:14">deal 6:14">with 6:14">mortality.
6:15.068" data-end="00:26:19.068">6:15">That's 6:15">how 6:16">I 6:16">want 6:16">to 6:16">be 6:16">talked 6:16">to. 6:17">And 6:17">I'm 6:18">pretty 6:18">sure 6:18">most 6:18">of 6:19">the 6:19">people 6:19">in 6:19.068" data-end="00:26:21.848">6:19">that 6:19">similar 6:19">situation, 6:20">they 6:21">want 6:21">to 6:21">be 6:21">talked 6:21">to 6:21">in 6:22">that 6:22">way, 6:21.888" data-end="00:26:25.168">6:22">not 6:22">just 6:22">by 6:22">their 6:23">politicians, 6:23">but 6:23">also 6:23">by 6:24">their 6:24">pundits, 6:24">also 6:24">by 6:25">the 6:25">commentators 6:25.168" data-end="00:26:27.828">6:25">and 26:26">by 26:26">their 26:26">friends 26:26">and 26:26">family, 6:27">because 6:27">they 6:27">got 6:27">to 6:27">learn 6:27">how 6:27">to 6:28">talk 6:28">about 6:27.828" data-end="00:26:29.288">6:28">this 6:28">stuff 6:28">in 6:28">a 6:28">productive 6:29">manner 6:29">as 6:29">well.
Pre-planning Funeral and End-of-Life Arrangements
[26:31] 6:31.048" data-end="00:26:35.188">6:31">You 6:32">know, 6:32">I 6:32">think 6:32">one 6:32">of 6:32">the 6:32">things 6:33">that 6:33">I'm 6:33">thankful 6:34">that 6:34">my 6:34">mom 6:34">did 6:35">a 6:35">few 6:35.188" data-end="00:26:44.968">6:35">years 6:35">ago, 6:36">and 6:36">she 6:36">did 6:37">this 6:38">actually 6:38">out 6:38">of 6:39">seeing 6:39">what 6:41">happened 6:41">when 6:41">my 6:42">dad 6:42">died 6:43">nine 26:44">years 6:45">ago, 6:45.088" data-end="00:26:50.828">6:45">and 6:46">just 6:46">all 6:46">the 6:46">costs 6:46">that 6:47">were 6:47">associated 6:47">with 6:48">that, 6:48">is 26:49">to 26:49">pre-plan 26:50">the 26:51">funeral.
00:26:50.828" data-end="00:26:59.708">26:51">And 26:51">so 26:52">she 26:52">was 6:53">insistent 6:53">on 6:53">that 26:54">and, 26:54">um, 26:55">to 26:56">have 26:56">that 26:56">all 26:56">laid 26:56">out 26:57">and 26:57">paying 26:58">for 26:59">that 26:59">ahead 26:59">of 26:59">time.
[27:02] 27:02.031" data-end="00:27:07.391">27:02">And 27:02">I'm 27:03">thankful 27:03">that 27:03">she 27:03">did 27:03">that, 27:04">that 27:04">that 27:04">was 27:05">something 27:05">that 27:05">she 27:05">was, 27:06">she 27:06">saw 27:07">how 27:07">much 27:07">it 27:07">was.
00:27:07.451" data-end="00:27:12.931">27:07">She 27:08">didn't, 27:08">I 27:08">think 27:08">she 27:08">didn't 27:09">want 27:09">to 27:09">have 27:09">to 27:09">put 27:10">that 27:10">burden 27:10">on 27:10">me 27:11">to 27:11">do 27:12">that 27:12">as 27:12">an 27:12">only 27:13">child.
27:13.231" data-end="00:27:16.911">27:13">And 27:14">so 27:14">she 27:14">went 27:15">ahead 27:15">and 27:15">kind 27:15">of 27:16">dealt 27:16">with 27:17">that.
00:27:16.911" data-end="00:27:23.151">27:17">Um, 27:18">and 27:19">I 27:20">don't 27:21">know, 27:21">I 27:21">think 27:21">that 27:21">that's 27:21">something 27:21">I 27:22">hope 27:22">that 27:22">I 27:22">would 27:22">love 27:23">to 27:23">see 27:23">more, 00:27:23.351" data-end="00:27:29.831">27:23">um, 27:24">parents 27:25">and, 27:25">and 27:26">ultimately 27:26">they're 27:27">the 27:27">children 27:27">as 27:28">well 27:28">to 27:29">talk 27:29">about 27:29">that 7:30">and 7:30">to, 00:27:29.831" data-end="00:27:36.731">7:30">to 7:30">do 7:31">that 7:31">because 7:32">the 7:32">fact 7:33">is 7:33">people 27:34">are 27:34">going 27:34">to 27:34">die 27:34">and 27:35">you 27:36">need 27:36">to 27:36">find 00:27:36.731" data-end="00:27:39.531">7:37">some 7:37">way 7:37">of, 7:37">you 27:38">know, 27:38">you're 27:38">never 7:39">prepared 7:39">for 7:39">death, 7:39.671" data-end="00:27:42.531">7:40">but 7:40">to 7:40">at 7:40">least 7:41">be 7:41">ready 7:41">for 7:41">it. 7:42">Yeah. 7:42">Yeah.
[27:44] 7:44.351" data-end="00:27:47.311">7:44">It's 7:45">a 7:45">great 7:45">point 7:45">you 7:45">raise 7:46">and 7:46">something 7:46">we 7:46">need 7:46">to 7:47">talk 7:47">about 7:47">is, 7:47.331" data-end="00:27:50.551">7:47">again, 7:48">this 7:48">is 7:48">society 7:49">stuff. 7:49">This 7:49">is 7:49">family 7:50">stuff. 7:50">This 7:50">is 7:50">kitchen, 7:50.611" data-end="00:27:51.751">7:51">what 7:51">do 7:51">they 7:51">call 7:51">it? 7:51">Kitchen 7:51">table.
7:51.911" data-end="00:27:53.811">7:52">Kitchen 7:52">table 7:53">stuff, 7:53">yeah. 7:53">This 7:53">is 7:53">the 7:53">kitchen 7:53">table 7:53">stuff 7:53">you 7:53">need 7:53">to 7:54">talk 7:53.811" data-end="00:27:57.771">7:54">to, 7:54">especially 7:54">if 7:54">you 7:55">have 7:55">elderly 7:55">parents, 7:56">especially 7:56">if 7:56">you're 7:56">like 7:57">us 7:57">where 7:57">we're 7:57">middle-aged.
7:58.171" data-end="00:28:00.111">7:58">We're 7:58">going 7:59">to 7:59">use 7:59">that 7:59">term 7:59">real 7:59">loosely. 8:00">We're 8:00">middle-aged.
8:00.111" data-end="00:28:01.971">8:00">That 8:00">means 8:00">you're 8:01">going 8:01">to 8:01">be 8:01">100-something. 8:01">I'm 8:01">going 8:01">to 8:02">make 8:02">it 8:02">to 8:02">80.
8:02.091" data-end="00:28:05.791">8:02">I'm 8:02">doubting 8:03">it, 8:03">but 8:03">let's 8:03">go 8:03">with 8:03">it. 8:04">But 8:04">as 8:05">you 8:05">go 8:05">into 8:05">middle 8:05">age, 8:05.931" data-end="00:28:08.531">8:06">as 8:06">your 8:06">children, 8:07">you 8:07">know, 8:07">like 8:07">my 8:08">kids 8:08">are 8:08">moving 8:08">into 8:08">adulthood, 8:08.651" data-end="00:28:13.431">28:09">so 28:09">I'm 28:09">bringing 28:09">them 28:09">more 8:10">into 8:10">like, 8:10">you 8:10">know, 8:10">I 8:10">just 8:11">did 8:11">powers 8:11">of 8:12">attorney 8:12">with 8:13">my 8:13">18-year-old.
8:13.491" data-end="00:28:15.131">8:13">And 8:14">we 8:14">had 8:14">to 8:14">explain, 8:14">it's 8:14">like, 8:14">why 8:14">are 8:15">we 8:15">doing 8:15">this? 8:15">It's 8:15">like, 8:15.211" data-end="00:28:18.331">8:15">well, 8:15">because 28:16">we 28:16">need 28:16">to, 28:16">you're 28:16">still 28:16">on 8:17">my 8:17">insurance. 8:17">I 8:17">need 8:17">to 8:17">help 8:17">you, 8:18">but 8:18">you're 8:18">an 8:18">adult 8:18">now.
8:18.411" data-end="00:28:21.531">8:18">You 8:19">have 8:19">to 8:19">sign 8:19">for 8:19">yourself 8:19">so 8:20">I 8:21">can 8:21">get 8:21">into 8:21">your 8:21">medical 8:21">records.
8:21.611" data-end="00:28:24.131">8:22">I 8:22">can 8:22">help 8:22">you 8:22">with 8:22">stuff. 8:23">I 8:23">just 8:23">did 8:23">that 8:23">a 8:24">couple 8:24">of 8:24">days 8:24">ago.
8:24.171" data-end="00:28:27.811">8:24">You 8:24">know, 8:24">they're 8:25">learning 8:26">that 8:26">first 8:26">little 8:26">couple 8:27">steps 8:27">of 8:27">things 8:27">people 8:28">don't 8:27.811" data-end="00:28:31.511">8:28">think 8:28">about 8:28">is 8:28">like, 8:29">oh, 8:29">who's 8:29">going 8:29">to 8:29">help 8:30">me 8:30">with 8:30">things 8:30">as 8:31">a 8:31">legal 8:31">adult?
8:31.511" data-end="00:28:35.511">28:32">All, 28:32">most 28:32">Americans 8:33">do 8:33">not 8:34">have 8:34">$500 8:35">or 8:35">less 8:35">in 8:35">savings.
8:35.691" data-end="00:28:39.271">8:36">That's 8:36">most 8:36">Americans. 8:37">They 8:37">have 8:37">$500 8:37">or 8:38">less 8:38">in 8:38">savings. 8:38">We 8:39">see 8:39">that 8:39">statistic 8:39.271" data-end="00:28:43.451">8:39">all 8:40">the 8:40">time. 8:40">The 8:40">average 8:41">funeral 8:41">costs 8:41">is 8:41">$7,800 8:42">with 8:43">a 8:43">viewing 8:43">and 8:43">a 8:43">burial.
8:44.211" data-end="00:28:48.411">8:44">That's 8:45">a 8:45">huge 8:45">gap 8:45">that 8:46">will 8:46">hit 8:46">people 8:46">out 8:47">of 8:47">the 8:47">blue 8:47">sky. 8:48">And 8:48">you're 8:48">talking 8:48.411" data-end="00:28:51.091">8:48">about 8:49">coming 8:49">up 8:49">with 8:49">that 8:49">$7,800 8:50">within 8:50">two 8:50">or 8:50">three 8:51">days 8:51">usually.
[28:52] 8:52.111" data-end="00:28:54.331">8:52">Because 8:52">they're 8:53">going 8:53">to 8:53">want 8:53">that 8:53">up 8:53">front 8:53">before 8:53">they 8:54">do 8:54">anything 8:54">else.
8:54.591" data-end="00:28:56.811">8:55">That's 8:55">a 8:55">massive 8:56">expense 8:56">for 8:56">folks.
8:57.491" data-end="00:29:01.071">8:57">You 8:58">can 8:58">get 8:58">insurance 8:58">on 8:59">funeral 8:59">stuff, 8:59">and 9:00">there's 9:00">other 9:00">things 9:01">you 9:01">can 9:01">do.
9:01.331" data-end="00:29:05.691">9:01">Pre-planning 9:02">to 9:03">die 9:03">is 9:03">one 9:04">of 9:04">the 9:04">best 9:04">things 9:04">you 9:04">can 9:05">do 9:05">for 9:05">your 9:05">loved 9:05">ones.
9:06.091" data-end="00:29:09.171">9:06">I 9:06">just 9:07">did 9:07">this 9:07">again 9:08">with 9:08">my 9:08">dad 9:08">every 9:09">time 9:09">I 9:09">go 9:09">home.
9:10.011" data-end="00:29:13.451">9:10">Three 9:10">days 9:11">before 9:11">his 9:11">stroke, 9:12">we 9:12">had 9:12">this 9:12">conversation. 9:13">Here's 9:13">where 9:13">all 9:13">the 9:13.451" data-end="00:29:15.711">9:13">wills 9:14">are. 9:14">Here's 9:14">all 9:14">the 9:14">deeds. 9:15">Here's 9:15">the 9:15">insurance 9:15">documents.
[29:17] 9:16.811" data-end="00:29:19.791">9:17">We're 9:17">working 9:18">on 9:18">a 9:18">piece 9:18">of 9:18">property 9:18">that 9:19">was 9:19">part 9:19">of 9:19">my 9:19">grandfather's 9:20">farm.
9:19.791" data-end="00:29:22.551">9:20">Farm. 9:20">We 9:20">just 9:20">did, 9:21">did 9:21">some, 9:21">some 9:22">stuff 9:22">with 9:22">that.
9:22.671" data-end="00:29:25.631">9:23">He's 9:23">like, 9:23">this 9:23">one's 9:24">on 9:24">top. 9:24">Cause 9:24">we 9:24">start 9:24">waiting 9:25">on 9:25">signatures 9:25">on 9:25">this 9:25">whole 9:25.631" data-end="00:29:29.251">9:26">pile 9:26">of 9:27">stuff. 9:27">So 9:27">I'm 9:27">top 9:27">shelf 9:28">in 9:28">his 9:28">gun 9:28">safe, 9:28">right? 9:29">Fireproof 9:29">safe.
9:29.571" data-end="00:29:36.251">9:30">Will 9:30">mom's 9:31">will 9:31">dad's 9:31">will 9:31">insurance, 9:33">burial 9:33">plots, 9:34">right 9:34">on 9:34">that 9:35">whole 9:35">stack 9:35">of 9:35">paper 9:35">pre-planned.
9:36.351" data-end="00:29:41.911">9:36">I 9:37">can 9:37">walk 9:37">in 9:37">my 9:37">father's 9:38">house 9:38">and 9:39">my 9:39">college 9:40">age 9:40">kid 9:40">that 9:41">lives 9:41">with 9:41">them 9:41">most 9:41">of 9:42">the 9:42">time.
9:42.311" data-end="00:29:45.051">9:42">Um, 9:43">he 9:43">also 9:43">showed 9:44">her 9:44">that. 9:44">So 9:44">when 9:44">he 9:44">went 9:45">in 9:45">the 9:45">hospital, 9:45.091" data-end="00:29:48.231">9:45">she 9:45">took 9:45">care 9:46">of 9:46">all 9:46">the 9:46">bills, 9:46">like 9:46">within 9:46">three 9:47">days, 9:47">cause 9:47">she 9:47">knew 9:48">where 9:48">it 9:48">it 9:48">was 9:48">all 9:48">at.
9:49.051" data-end="00:29:52.431">9:49">I 9:49">can 9:50">walk 9:50">in 9:50">my 9:50">house 9:50">right 9:50">now 9:51">and 9:51">my 9:51">dad's 9:51">funeral 9:52">is 9:52">pretty 9:52">much 9:52">done.
9:52.491" data-end="00:29:55.611">9:52">I 9:53">walk 9:53">in, 9:53">pick 9:53">up 9:53">the 9:53">phone, 9:54">call 9:54">Greg 9:54">Waters, 9:54">director 9:55">of 9:55">Waters 9:55">Funeral 9:55">Home.
9:55.891" data-end="00:29:58.431">9:56">Dad 9:56">passed 9:56">away. 9:57">Here's 9:57">the 9:57">stuff. 9:57">What 29:58">time 29:58">you 29:58">want 29:58">me 29:58">to 29:58">come 29:58">by?
00:29:58.551" data-end="00:30:00.211">9:59">Oh, 9:59">come 9:59">by 9:59">at 9:59">two 9:59">o'clock. 30:00">And 30:00">it's 30:00">done.
00:30:01.031" data-end="00:30:05.611">30:01">And 30:01">it's 0:02">done. 0:02">I 0:02">mean, 0:02">there's 0:02">a 0:02">lot 0:03">of 0:03">details 0:03">to 0:03">it. 0:04">People 0:05">need 0:05">to 0:05">understand, 0:05.771" data-end="00:30:08.091">0:06">and 0:06">you're 0:06">a 0:06">pastor, 0:07">so 0:07">you've 0:07">been 0:07">in 0:07">these 0:07">rooms 0:08">at 0:08">these 0:08">times.
0:08.891" data-end="00:30:14.431">0:09">You're 0:09">not 0:09">thinking 0:10">in 0:10">those 0:10">moments. 0:11">No, 0:11">you're 0:11">not. 0:12">No. 0:12">You 0:12">don't 0:12">have 0:12">the 0:13">bandwidth 0:13">to 0:14">process.
0:15.251" data-end="00:30:18.951">0:15">When 0:16">your 0:16">loved 0:16">one 0:16">dies. 0:17">You 0:17">don't 0:17">want 0:17">to 0:17">have 0:17">to 0:17">think 0:17">about 30:18">pre-plan 30:18">this 0:19">stuff.
0:19.071" data-end="00:30:20.511">0:19">There's 0:19">a 0:19">million 30:20">ways 30:20">to 30:20">do 00:30:20.511" data-end="00:30:23.471">30:21">it. 30:21">There's 30:21">all 30:21">kinds 30:21">of 30:21">services 30:22">online 30:22">now 30:22">that 30:23">will 30:23">help 30:23">you 30:23">set 30:23">it 30:23">up.
00:30:23.771" data-end="00:30:27.471">30:24">It's 30:24">not 30:24">super 30:25">expensive. 30:25">Some 30:26">of 30:26">the 30:26">legal 30:26">documents 30:26">will 30:27">cost 30:27">a 30:27">little 30:27">bit 00:30:27.471" data-end="00:30:30.131">30:27">of 30:28">money, 30:28">but 30:28">it'll 30:28">cost 30:28">you 30:28">a 30:28">lot 30:29">more 30:29">to 30:29">not 30:29">have 30:29">a 30:30">power 30:30">of 30:30">attorney, 00:30:30.271" data-end="00:30:34.511">30:30">to 30:31">not 30:31">have 30:31">a 30:31">medical 30:32">will, 30:32">which 30:33">is 30:33">very 30:33">different 30:33">than 30:34">just 30:34">a 30:34">living 30:34">will.
00:30:34.611" data-end="00:30:37.611">30:35">You 30:35">need 30:35">to 30:35">have 30:35">a 30:35">medical 30:35">will 30:36">as 30:36">well 30:36">with 30:37">some 30:37">details 30:37">in 30:37">it.
[30:38] 30:38.451" data-end="00:30:42.231">30:38">Have 30:39">that 30:39">living 30:39">will, 30:40">have 30:40">a, 30:40">you 30:41">know, 30:41">if 30:41">you 30:41">want 30:41">an 30:41">NDR 30:41">or 30:42">something 30:42">like 00:30:42.231" data-end="00:30:46.111">30:42">that 30:42">about 30:43">extreme 30:43">measures 30:44">you 30:44">you 30:44">do 30:44">and 30:44">don't 30:44">want 30:45">to 30:45">mine 30:45">is 30:45">very 30:46">specific.
Importance of Pre-planning Funerals for Loved Ones
[30:47] 30:47.385" data-end="00:30:50.525">30:47">Because 30:48">I've 30:48">been 30:48">on 30:48">a 30:48">ventilator 30:49">and 30:49">I've 30:49">had 30:49">feeding 30:49">tubes 30:50">and 30:50">I 30:50">know 30:50">what 00:30:50.525" data-end="00:30:52.265">30:51">is 30:51">what 30:51">and 30:51">what 30:51">feels 30:52">like.
00:30:52.525" data-end="00:30:56.625">30:53">And 30:53">so 30:53">mine's 30:53">pretty 30:53">specific 0:54">because 0:55">I've 0:55">been 0:55">there. 0:55">You 0:56">need 0:56">to 0:56">do 0:56">all 0:56">that.
0:56.865" data-end="00:30:59.405">0:57">It's 0:57">not 0:57">just 0:58">for 0:58">you. 0:58">And 0:58">people 0:58">are 0:58">like, 0:59">well, 0:59">I 0:59">don't 0:59">want 0:59">a 0:59">funeral.
0:59.685" data-end="00:31:02.365">1:00">Well, 1:00">that's 1:00">kind 1:00">of 1:00">a 1:01">selfish 1:01">thing 1:01">to 1:01">say. 31:02">If 31:02">you 31:02">really 31:02">don't 31:02">want 31:02">it, 00:31:02.385" data-end="00:31:04.425">31:02">fine. 1:03">But 1:03">the 1:03">funeral 1:03">ain't 1:04">for 1:04">you.
1:04.865" data-end="00:31:07.705">1:05">It's 1:05">for 1:05">your 1:05">family. 1:06">It's 1:06">for 1:06">your 1:06">friends. 1:07">It's 1:07">for 1:07">your 1:07">loved 1:07">ones.
1:07.925" data-end="00:31:11.765">1:08">You 1:08">can 1:09">pre-plan 1:09">this 1:09">stuff 1:10">and 1:10">you 1:10">can 1:10">do 1:10">it 1:10">relatively 1:11">inexpensively.
1:11.765" data-end="00:31:16.425">1:12">You 1:12">can 1:12">actually 1:12">just 1:12">print 1:13">a 1:13">generic 1:14">form 1:14">off 1:14">online 1:15">now 1:15">and 1:16">just 1:16">fill 1:16">it 1:16">out 1:16.425" data-end="00:31:18.225">1:16">vaguely. 1:17">and 1:17">most 1:17">of 1:17">that 1:18">will 1:18">hold 1:18">up.
1:18.425" data-end="00:31:21.485">1:18">You 1:19">can 1:19">do 1:19">your 1:19">own 1:19">wills 31:20">for 31:20">a 31:20">couple 31:20">dollars 31:20">and 31:21">take 31:21">it 31:21">to 31:21">a 31:21">notary 31:21">with 00:31:21.485" data-end="00:31:26.025">31:21">two 31:22">witnesses, 31:22">and 31:22">that's 31:23">legally 31:23">blinding 31:23">with 31:23">two 31:24">witnesses 31:24">or 31:24">a 31:25">notary 31:25">if 31:25">you 31:25">can 31:25">find 1:26">a 1:26">notary.
1:26.385" data-end="00:31:30.665">1:26">Do 1:27">this 1:27">stuff 1:27">for 1:27">your 1:28">family. 1:28">And 1:29">more 1:29">importantly, 1:30">teach 1:30">your 1:30">kids 1:30">to 1:30">do 1:30">it.
1:30.685" data-end="00:31:31.865">1:31">Teach 1:31">your 1:31">loved 1:31">ones 1:31">to 1:32">do 1:32">it.
1:31.885" data-end="00:31:34.265">1:32">If 1:32">you're 1:32">a 1:32">caregiver, 1:33">go 1:33">ahead 1:33">and 1:33">talk 1:34">to, 1:34">you 1:34">know, 1:34">I've 1:34">already, 1:34.325" data-end="00:31:35.785">1:34">I 1:35">sat 1:35">in 1:35">my 1:35">dad's 1:35">hospital 1:36">room.
1:35.865" data-end="00:31:39.145">1:36">We 1:36">ran 1:36">through 1:36">everything 1:37">just 1:37">in 1:37">case. 1:38">He 1:38">was 1:38">like, 1:38">okay, 1:38">you 1:39">need 1:39">to 1:39">do 1:39">this.
1:39.265" data-end="00:31:41.125">1:39">Here's 31:40">where 31:40">this 31:40">is. 31:40">Here's 31:40">where 31:40">my 1:41">planner 1:41">is.
1:41.465" data-end="00:31:44.345">1:41">Here's 1:42">how 1:42">to 1:42">get 1:42">into 31:43">the 31:43">checkbook. 31:43">Here's 31:44">the 31:44">checking 31:44">accounts.
[31:45] 00:31:44.825" data-end="00:31:47.945">1:45">Use 1:45">this 1:45">card 1:46">for 1:46">this 1:46">and 1:46">this 1:46">card 1:46">for 1:47">that. 1:47">You've 1:47">got 1:47">to 1:47">have 1:47">these 1:47">conversations, 1:48.205" data-end="00:31:51.345">1:48">and 1:48">they're 1:48">uncomfortable 1:49">conversations, 31:50">but 31:50">they're 31:50">very, 1:51">very 1:51">important.
1:51.625" data-end="00:31:55.565">1:52">And 1:52">the 1:52">biggest 1:52">thing 1:53">is 1:53">it's 1:54">one 1:54">of 1:54">the 1:54">biggest 1:54">acts 1:55">of 1:55">love 1:55">you 1:55">can 1:55">do 1:55">for 1:55.565" data-end="00:31:59.285">1:56">your 1:56">loved 1:56">ones 1:56">because 1:56">when 31:57">they're 31:57">having 31:57">their 31:57">hardest 1:58">moment 1:58">in 1:59">losing 1:59">you 1:59.285" data-end="00:32:02.405">1:59">or 2:00">another 2:00">loved 2:00">one, 2:01">you've 2:01">already 2:01">got 2:01">it 2:02">planned 2:02">out 2:02">for 2:02">them.
2:02.465" data-end="00:32:06.305">2:02">And 32:03">they're 32:03">going 32:03">to 32:03">really 32:04">appreciate 32:04">that 32:04">down. 2:05">Even 2:05">if 2:06">you 2:06">can't 2:06">take 2:06">care 2:06.305" data-end="00:32:08.165">2:06">of 2:06">it 2:07">all 2:07">financially, 2:07">at 2:07">least 2:08">plan 2:08">it 2:08">out.
2:08.325" data-end="00:32:12.025">2:08">At 2:09">least 2:09">lay 2:09">it 2:09">out. 2:09">Hey, 2:10">I 2:10">want 2:10">you 2:10">to 2:10">call 2:10">this 2:10">person. 32:11">I 32:11">want 32:11">to 32:11">be 32:11">cremated. 32:11">I 32:12">want 32:12">to 32:12">be 32:12">buried.
00:32:12.125" data-end="00:32:15.665">32:12">I 32:12">want 2:13">this 2:13">song 2:13">at 2:13">the 2:13">funeral. 2:14">You 2:14">think 2:14">this 2:14">is 2:15">silly. 2:15">Pick 2:15">your 2:15">music 2:16">at 2:15.665" data-end="00:32:18.425">2:16">your 2:16">own 2:16">funeral. 2:16">I'm 2:16">begging 32:17">you 32:17">from 32:17">watching 32:17">it 2:18">from 2:18">years 2:18">and 2:18">years 2:18">and 2:18.425" data-end="00:32:19.165">2:18">years 2:19">of 2:19">multiple 2:19">churches.
2:19.345" data-end="00:32:22.565">2:19">Lay 2:20">out 2:20">what 2:20">song 2:20">you 2:20">want 2:21">at 2:21">your 2:21">funeral 2:21">ahead 2:21">of 2:21">time. 32:22">Just 32:22">trust 32:22">me 32:22">on 32:22">that 00:32:22.565" data-end="00:32:25.345">2:23">one 2:23">because 2:23">there 32:24">will 32:24">be 32:24">a 32:24">fight 32:24">over 2:25">it, 2:25">I 2:25">guarantee 2:25">you.
2:25.605" data-end="00:32:30.165">2:26">Stuff 2:26">like 2:26">that, 2:27">it's 2:27">important, 2:27">and 2:28">it 2:28">takes 2:28">it 2:28">off 2:28">your 2:29">friends 2:29">and 2:30">family.
[32:31] 2:30.805" data-end="00:32:35.645">2:31">This 2:31">goes 2:32">back 2:32">to 2:32">where 2:32">we 2:32">started, 2:33">putting 2:33">mortality 2:34">in 2:34">its 2:34">proper 2:34">place. 2:35">I'm 2:35">going 2:35">to 2:35">die.
2:35.885" data-end="00:32:39.445">2:36">I 2:36">have 2:36">it 2:36">planned 2:37">out. 2:37">I 2:37">have 2:38">it 2:38">planned. 2:38">My 2:38">family's 2:39">taken 2:39">care 2:39">of.
2:39.545" data-end="00:32:42.645">2:40">They 2:40">don't 2:40">have 2:40">to 2:40">worry 2:40">about 2:41">what 2:41">I 2:41">thought 2:41">or 2:42">guess 2:42">at 2:42">it 2:42">because 2:42">I'm 2:43">going 2:42.645" data-end="00:32:45.745">2:43">to 2:43">tell 2:43">them 2:43">ahead 2:43">of 2:43">time. 2:44">And 2:44">then 2:44">we 2:44">can 2:44">all 2:45">get 2:45">on 2:45">with 2:45">this 2:45">thing 2:45">and 2:46">get 2:45.745" data-end="00:32:48.705">2:46">on 2:46">with 2:46">living 2:46">until 2:46">we 2:47">die, 2:47">which 32:48">would 32:48">be 32:48">a 32:48">great 32:48">slogan 32:48">for 32:48">something.
2:51.265" data-end="00:32:56.165">2:51">Do 2:52">you 2:52">think 2:52">that 2:53">as 2:53">a 2:53">society, 2:54">we're 2:54">better 2:54">or 2:55">worse 2:55">at 2:55">dealing 2:56">with 2:56">death 2:56.165" data-end="00:32:58.865">2:56">than, 32:57">you 2:58">know, 2:58">in 2:58">past 2:58">years?
The Perspective on Death: Sky Funeral and Alternatives
[33:05] 3:05.005" data-end="00:33:09.945">3:05">Better 3:05">or 3:06">worse. 3:07">You 3:08">know, 3:08">what's 3:08">your 33:09">perspective 33:09">on 33:09">it? 3:10">But, 00:33:09.945" data-end="00:33:16.165">3:10">you 3:12">know, 3:12">you 3:12">ever 3:13">read 3:13">about 3:13">in 3:14">the 3:14">Himalayans 3:15">where 3:15">they 3:15">do 3:16">the 3:16">sky 3:16">funeral 3:16.165" data-end="00:33:18.625">3:16">where 3:16">they 3:17">have 3:17">the 3:17">one 3:17">dude 3:18">who's 3:18">kind 3:18">of 3:18">like 3:18">the 3:18">sin 3:18">eater.
3:18.685" data-end="00:33:20.725">3:19">He 3:19">just 3:19">takes 3:19">him 3:19">on 3:19">the 3:19">mountain, 33:20">chops 33:20">him 33:20">up, 33:20">lets 33:20">the 33:20">bird 33:20">eat 3:21">him, 00:33:20.785" data-end="00:33:23.265">3:21">and 3:21">he's 3:21">like, 3:21">well, 3:22">I 3:22">think 3:22">we're 3:22">doing 3:22">a 3:22">little 3:22">better 3:23">than 3:23">that 3:23">maybe.
3:23.365" data-end="00:33:24.845">3:23">God 3:24">bless 3:24">him, 3:24">is 3:24">their 3:24">thought, 3:25">whatever.
00:33:26.165" data-end="00:33:29.385">33:26">I 33:26">don't 3:27">know. 3:27">And 3:27">you 3:28">know 3:28">what? 3:28">I 3:28">think 3:28">we're 3:29">probably 3:29">looking 3:29">at 3:29">it 3:29">the 3:29">wrong 3:29.385" data-end="00:33:32.485">3:29">way, 3:30">even 3:30">doing 3:30">it 3:30">that 3:30">way. 3:30">Because, 33:31">again, 33:31">this 33:31">isn't 33:31">a 33:31">one-size-fits-all 3:32">thing.
3:33.125" data-end="00:33:36.585">3:33">What 3:33">does 3:34">your 3:34">family 3:34">need 33:35">to 3:36">replace 3:36">you?
[33:38] 3:37.942" data-end="00:33:41.562">3:38">You 3:38">know, 3:38">that's 3:38">the 3:39">healthy 3:39">way 3:39">to 3:39">really 3:39">think 3:39">about 3:40">it. 3:41">When 3:41">you 3:41">leave, 3:41.642" data-end="00:33:44.242">33:42">you 33:42">leave 33:42">a 33:42">hole 33:42">in 33:43">the 33:43">lives 33:43">of 33:43">the 33:43">people 3:44">around 3:44">you.
3:44.342" data-end="00:33:47.562">3:44">Hopefully, 3:45">you 3:45">know, 3:45">if 3:45">it 33:46">doesn't, 33:46">then, 33:46">you 33:46">know, 33:46">you 3:47">need 3:47">to 3:47">find 3:47">a 3:47">mirror 3:47.562" data-end="00:33:48.562">3:48">and 3:48">work 3:48">on 3:48">that 3:48">a 3:48">little 3:48">bit.
3:49.422" data-end="00:33:52.662">3:49">If 3:50">you're 3:50">a 3:50">father, 3:50">if 3:51">you're 3:51">a 3:51">son, 3:51">if 3:51">you're 3:51">a 3:51">brother, 3:52">if 3:52">you're 3:52">a 3:52">husband, 3:52.782" data-end="00:33:56.042">3:53">whatever 3:53">the 3:54">case 3:54">may 3:54">be, 3:54">when 3:55">you 3:55">die, 3:55">it's 3:55">going 3:55">to 3:56">leave 3:56">a 3:56">hole.
3:56.342" data-end="00:33:59.122">3:56">Have 3:57">you 3:57">prepared 3:57">to 3:57">fill 3:57">that 3:58">hole 3:58">up 3:58">for 3:58">those 3:58">folks 3:58">to 3:59">at 3:59">least 3:59">let 3:59">them 3:59.122" data-end="00:34:01.002">3:59">start 3:59">healing 4:00">and 4:00">fill 4:00">it 4:00">up 4:00">with 4:00">something 4:01">else?
4:01.162" data-end="00:34:04.662">4:01">That's 4:01">probably 4:02">the 4:02">healthier 4:02">way 4:02">to 4:03">do 4:03">it 4:03">and 4:03">the 4:04">healthier 4:04">way 4:04">to 4:04">look 4:04">at 4:04.662" data-end="00:34:08.842">34:05">it. 34:05">And, 34:05">you 34:05">know, 34:06">whether 34:06">it's 34:06">religiously 4:07">looking 4:07">at 4:07">it 4:08">or 4:08">looking 4:08">at 4:09">it 4:09">in 4:08.842" data-end="00:34:13.022">4:09">a 4:09">cultural 4:09">perspective 4:10">or 4:10">a 4:10">family 4:10">perspective, 4:11">this 4:12">is 4:12">something 4:13">that's, 4:13.022" data-end="00:34:15.182">4:13">again, 4:13">we're 4:14">going 4:14">back 4:14">to 4:14">this 4:14">again. 4:14">It's 4:15">inevitable.
4:15.942" data-end="00:34:18.542">4:16">None 4:16">of 4:17">us 4:17">are 4:17">getting 4:17">out 4:17">of 4:17">this 34:18">alive. 34:18">We're 34:18">all 34:18">going 34:18">to 34:18">die.
[34:19] 4:19.442" data-end="00:34:26.262">4:19">So 4:20">take 4:20">your 4:21">worldview 4:21">society-wise 34:23">and 4:24">go, 4:24">all 4:25">right, 4:25">if 4:25">this 4:26">is 4:26">inevitable, 4:26.642" data-end="00:34:30.922">4:27">it 4:27">is 4:28">absolutely 4:28">foolish 4:29">to 4:30">not 4:30">plan 4:30">for 4:31">this.
4:31.682" data-end="00:34:34.822">4:32">And 4:32">I 4:32">know 4:32">this 4:32">is 34:33">getting 34:33">a 34:33">little 34:33">repetitive, 4:34">but 4:34">you 4:34">just 4:34">got 4:34">to 4:35">drive 4:35">the 4:34.822" data-end="00:34:37.882">4:35">home 4:35">point 4:35">is, 4:36">you 4:36">know, 4:36">are 4:36">we 4:36">better 4:37">or 4:37">worse 4:37">at 4:37">dealing 4:37">with 4:38">death?
4:38.082" data-end="00:34:41.282">4:38">Well, 4:38">if 4:39">you 4:39">don't 4:39">deal 4:39">with 4:39">it 4:39">all, 4:40">you're 4:40">always 4:40">going 4:40">to 4:41">be 4:41">worse 4:41">at 4:41">it.
4:41.682" data-end="00:34:44.662">4:42">If 4:42">you 4:42">deal 4:42">with 4:43">it 4:43">and 4:43">fumble 4:43">it 4:43">a 4:43">little 4:44">bit, 4:44">it 4:44">may 4:44">not 4:44">be 4:44">great, 4:44.762" data-end="00:34:47.842">4:45">but 4:45">it's 4:45">still 4:45">better 4:45">than 4:46">ignoring 4:46">it 4:46">and 4:46">acting 4:46">like 4:47">it's 4:47">not 4:47">going 4:47">to 4:47">happen. 4:48">Right.
4:48.362" data-end="00:34:51.882">4:48">And 4:49">we're, 4:49">we've 4:49">kind 4:49">of 4:50">got 4:50">a 4:50">society, 4:51">especially 4:51">the 4:51">social 4:51">media, 4:52.002" data-end="00:34:55.862">4:52">news 4:52">media, 4:53">everything's 4:54">shiny 4:54">and 4:55">new 4:55">and 4:55">everybody 4:55">looks 4:56">good.
4:55.862" data-end="00:34:58.382">4:56">And 4:56">you 4:56">can 4:56">have 4:56">your 4:56">perfect 4:57">weight 4:57">and 4:57">you 4:57">can 4:57">have 4:58">your 4:58">perfect 4:58">face 4:58">and 4:58.382" data-end="00:35:01.522">4:58">your 4:58">perfect 34:59">hairdo 34:59">and 34:59">your 34:59">perfect 5:00">house 5:00">and 5:00">your 5:00">perfect 5:00">vacation 5:01">spot 5:01">and 5:01.522" data-end="00:35:02.162">5:02">your 5:02">perfect 5:02">everything.
5:02.582" data-end="00:35:06.122">5:03">That's 5:03">what 5:03">society 5:04">is 5:04">selling 5:04">us. 5:05">It's, 5:05">it 5:05">goes 5:05">against 5:06">that.
5:06.302" data-end="00:35:08.762">5:06">Oh, 5:07">by 5:07">the 5:07">way, 5:07">you're 5:07">going 5:07">to 5:07">die. 5:08">Let's 5:08">plan 5:08">for 5:08">that 5:08">too.
5:08.922" data-end="00:35:12.202">5:09">Right. 5:09">The, 5:09">the 5:10">undertaker 5:10">ain't 5:10">super, 35:11">uh, 35:11">popular 5:12">in 5:12">town, 5:12.282" data-end="00:35:13.362">5:12">but 5:12">everybody 5:13">knows 5:13">who 5:13">he 5:13">is.
5:13.922" data-end="00:35:16.742">5:14">Right. 5:14">You 5:15">know, 5:15">they 5:15">know 5:15">where 5:15">the 5:15">funeral 5:16">home 5:16">is, 5:16">you 5:17">know, 5:16.742" data-end="00:35:20.222">5:17">the 5:17">HC 5:17">White 5:17">and 5:18">the 5:18">Waters 5:18">Funeral 5:18">Home 5:18">in 5:18">my 5:19">home, 5:19">my 5:19">little 5:19">hometown, 35:20">the 35:20">two 35:20">places.
[35:21] 5:21.302" data-end="00:35:25.982">5:21">These 5:22">are 5:22">things 5:22">we 5:23">need 5:23">to 5:23">look 5:23">at 5:24">perspective 5:24">wise 5:24">based 5:25">on 5:25">what 5:25">do 5:26">you 5:26">want 5:25.982" data-end="00:35:31.182">5:26">to 5:26">get 5:26">out 5:27">of 5:27">it 5:27">is 5:28">your 5:28">death 5:29">going 5:29">to 5:29">be 5:30">this 5:30">cataclysmic 5:30">thing 35:31">that 35:31">tears 00:35:31.182" data-end="00:35:35.242">35:31">people 35:31">apart 5:32">or 5:33">do 5:33">you 5:33">want 5:33">to 5:33">plan 5:33">it 5:34">ahead 5:34">so 5:34">that 5:34">your 5:35">death 5:35">is 5:35">something 5:35.242" data-end="00:35:36.842">5:35">that 5:35">brings 5:36">the 5:36">people 5:36">you 5:36">love 5:37">together, 5:38.374" data-end="00:35:41.654">5:38">And 5:39">it's 5:39">going 5:39">to 5:39">be 5:39">one 5:39">of 5:39">those 5:39">two 5:40">things. 5:40">Those 5:40">are 5:41">your 5:41">two 5:41">options, 5:41">really.
5:41.954" data-end="00:35:47.794">5:42">There's 5:42">either 5:42">going 5:43">to 5:43">be 5:43">chaos 5:43">and 5:44">stress 5:44">and 5:45">worry 5:46">and 5:47">a 5:47">financial 5:47">burden 5:47.794" data-end="00:35:50.514">35:48">and 5:49">all 5:49">those 5:49">things 5:49">related 5:50">to 5:50">your 5:50">death, 5:50.754" data-end="00:35:54.674">5:51">or 5:52">you 5:52">can 5:52">plan 5:52">it 5:52">out 5:53">at 5:53">least 5:53">a 5:53">little 5:53">bit 5:53">and 5:54">it 5:54">can 5:54">be 5:54">something 5:54">that 5:54">brings 5:54.674" data-end="00:35:58.654">5:55">your 5:55">family 5:55">together 5:55">and 35:56">they 5:57">can 5:57">start 5:57">to 5:57">heal 5:57">based 5:58">off 5:58">the 5:58">fact 5:58">that 5:59">you 5:58.654" data-end="00:35:59.654">5:59">planned 5:59">ahead 5:59">a 5:59">little 5:59">bit.
6:00.274" data-end="00:36:04.254">6:00">I 6:01">know 6:01">which 6:01">one 6:01">of 6:01">those 6:01">I 6:01">want 6:02">for 6:02">my 6:02">kids 6:02">and 6:03">my 6:03">loved 6:04">ones 6:04">and 6:04">the 6:04">people 6:04.254" data-end="00:36:07.754">6:04">who 6:04">love 6:05">me 6:05">and 6:05">my 6:05">friends 6:06">who 6:06">hopefully 6:06">all 6:06">three 6:07">of 6:07">them 6:07">show 6:07">up 6:07">at 6:07">the 6:08">funeral.
[36:09] 6:08.694" data-end="00:36:12.094">6:09">But 6:09">that's 6:09">what 36:10">you 36:10">got 36:10">to 36:10">look 36:10">at 6:11">it 6:11">as 6:11">is 6:11">this 6:11">is 6:11">for 6:12">them.
6:12.594" data-end="00:36:16.614">6:13">This 6:13">is 6:13">my 6:13">gift 6:14">to 6:14">them 6:14">as 6:14">a 6:14">human 6:15">being 6:15">and 6:15">as 6:15">somebody 6:15">that 6:16">loves 6:16">them 6:16">is 6:16.614" data-end="00:36:18.854">6:17">I 6:17">don't 6:17">want 6:18">that 6:18">to 6:18">be 6:18">a 6:18">point 6:18">of 6:18">stress.
6:19.234" data-end="00:36:23.274">6:19">I 6:20">don't 6:20">want 6:20">those 6:21">last 6:21">moments. 6:22">I 6:22">want 6:22">them 6:22">laughing 6:23">at 6:23">the 6:23">funeral.
6:23.394" data-end="00:36:24.154">6:23">I 6:23">want 6:24">them 6:24">telling 6:24">stories.
6:24.454" data-end="00:36:26.814">6:24">I 6:25">don't 6:25">want 6:25">them 6:25">worrying 6:25">about 6:25">the 36:26">bill. 36:26">I 36:26">don't 36:26">want 36:26">them 36:26">worrying 36:26">about 00:36:26.814" data-end="00:36:30.674">6:27">did 6:27">we 6:28">bury 6:28">him 6:28">at 6:28">the 6:28">right 6:29">place 6:29">or 6:29">whatever 6:30">the 6:30">case 6:30">may 6:30">be.
6:30.674" data-end="00:36:32.514">6:31">Those 6:31">are, 6:31">that's 6:32">the 6:32">better 6:32">or 6:32.514" data-end="00:36:36.174">6:33">worse 6:33">perspective 6:33">I 6:34">would 6:34">encourage 6:34">people 6:34">to 6:35">do 6:35">is 6:35">look 6:35">at 6:36">it 6:36">that 6:36">way.
6:36.754" data-end="00:36:40.434">6:37">Look 6:37">at 6:37">it 6:38">at 6:38">how 6:38">you're 6:38">going 6:38">to 6:38">leave 6:38">your 6:39">family 6:39">and 6:39">take 6:40">that 6:40">burden 6:40">away 6:40.434" data-end="00:36:43.074">6:40">from 6:41">them 6:41">because 6:41">your 6:42">death 6:42">is 6:42">not 6:42">in 6:43">your 6:43">power.
6:43.494" data-end="00:36:46.214">6:43">When 36:44">you 36:44">die, 36:44">how 6:45">you 6:45">die, 6:45">you're 6:45">not 6:45">going 6:45">to 6:45">have 6:46">any 6:46">say 6:46">in 6:46">that.
6:46.494" data-end="00:36:50.074">6:46">You 6:47">got 6:47">a 6:47">lot 6:47">of 6:47">say 6:47">in 6:48">that 6:48">portion 6:48">of 36:49">it. 36:49">Let's 36:49">try 36:49">to 36:49">do 36:50">that 36:50">maybe.
00:36:50.074" data-end="00:36:53.294">36:50">Me 36:51">you 36:51">know 6:53">one 6:53.294" data-end="00:36:56.534">6:53">of 6:53">the 6:53">things 36:54">that 36:54">um 36:54">was 36:55">interesting 36:55">i've 36:56">learned 00:36:56.534" data-end="00:37:00.474">36:57">from 36:57">my 36:57">and 36:57">appreciated 36:58">from 36:58">my 36:58">husband 36:59">whose 36:59">parents 37:00">both 00:37:00.474" data-end="00:37:07.154">37:00">died 37:02">probably 37:03">at 37:03">relatively 37:03">younger 37:04">ages 37:05">i 37:05">think 37:06">his 37:06">mom 37:06">wasn't 37:06">even 37:07">60 37:07">and 00:37:07.154" data-end="00:37:17.014">37:07">his 37:07">dad 37:08">was 37:08">mid-60s 37:09">um 37:10">and 37:11">um 37:11">he 37:12">has 37:13">made 37:13">it 37:13">a 37:14">habit 37:14">when 37:15">um 37:15">he's 37:16">from 37:16">south 37:16">dakota 37:17">originally.
00:37:17.554" data-end="00:37:23.594">37:18">And 37:18">when 37:18">we're 37:18">down 37:19">there 37:19">visiting 37:19">his 37:20">family, 37:20">they 37:22">go 37:23">to 37:23">the 37:23">cemetery.
00:37:23.834" data-end="00:37:28.534">37:24">And 37:24">these 37:24">are 37:24">those 37:25">kind 37:25">of 37:25">old 37:25">rural 37:26">cemeteries, 37:26">old 37:27">Lutheran 37:27">churches 37:27">that 37:28">have 37:28">cemeteries.
00:37:28.574" data-end="00:37:32.614">37:29">And 37:29">so 37:29">to 7:30">go 7:30">to 7:30">visit 7:30">the 7:30">grave 7:31">of 7:31">his 7:32">mom 7:32">and 7:32">dad.
[37:35] 00:37:34.574" data-end="00:37:39.434">37:35">And 37:35">I 37:35">think 37:35">that's 37:36">something 37:36">that 37:36">I've 37:36">started 7:37">to 7:37">do 7:37">myself 37:38">um 37:38">when 7:39">i've 7:39">been 7:39.434" data-end="00:37:48.114">7:39">in 7:40">michigan 7:40">is 7:41">to 7:41">go 7:41">to 7:42">the 7:42">cemetery 7:43">to 7:43">see 7:44">dad's 7:45">um 7:45">funeral 7:46">plot 7:46">where 7:47">is 7:48">his 7:48.114" data-end="00:37:54.454">7:48">headstone 7:49">um 7:50">and 7:50">where 7:51">mom 7:51">will 7:52">ultimately 7:52">be 7:52">there 7:53">one 7:53">day 7:53">too 7:54">and, 7:55.274" data-end="00:38:00.834">7:55">you 7:56">know 7:56">i 7:56">think 7:57">it 7:57">makes 7:57">it 7:57">more 7:57">real 7:58">i 7:58">think 7:58">it's 7:59">this 8:00">is 8:00">a 8:00">place 8:00">where 8:01">you 8:00.834" data-end="00:38:05.034">8:01">go 8:01">and 8:01">this 8:02">is 8:02">where 8:02">you're 8:02">going 8:02">to 8:03">end 8:03">up 8:03">um 8:04">at 8:04">least 8:04">this 8:04">is 8:05">where 8:05">your 8:05">body 8:05.034" data-end="00:38:07.034">8:05">is 8:05">going 8:05">to 8:05">end 8:06">up 8:06">and 8:06">um 8:07">Um, 8:07.154" data-end="00:38:11.934">8:07">you 8:08">know, 8:08">I 8:08">think 38:09">we 38:09">don't 38:09">always 38:09">want 8:10">to 8:10">face 8:10">that 8:11">or, 8:11">um, 8:12.074" data-end="00:38:15.314">8:12">see 8:12">that 8:13">that's 8:13">going 8:13">to 8:13">be 8:13">a 8:13">part 8:14">of 8:14">who 8:14">we 8:14">are 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15.314" data-end="00:38:15.314">8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and, 8:15">and.
[38:17] 00:38:16.751" data-end="00:38:20.671">8:17">Part 8:17">of 8:17">history 8:17">in 8:18">some 8:18">ways 8:18">and, 8:19">and, 8:19">um, 8:19">our 8:20">own 8:20">mortality.
[38:21] 8:21.311" data-end="00:38:26.591">8:21">Yeah. 8:22">I, 8:22">uh, 8:23">it's 8:23">interesting 8:23">because 8:24">my, 8:25">my 8:25">father 8:25">made 8:26">a 8:26">promise 8:26">to 8:26">my 8:26">grandfather 8:26.591" data-end="00:38:31.651">8:27">who 8:27">his 8:27">dad, 8:28">he 8:28">made 8:28">him 8:29">promise, 8:29">Hey, 8:29">there's 8:30">these 8:30">two 8:30">cemeteries, 8:31">um, 8:31.891" data-end="00:38:35.771">38:32">the 38:32">Butler 38:32">cemetery 8:33">uptown, 8:33">uh, 8:34">which 8:35">would 8:35">have 8:35">been 8:35">his, 8:35">um, 8:35.851" data-end="00:38:41.111">8:36">his 8:36">father's 8:37">in-laws 8:38">people, 8:39">if 8:39">I 8:39">explained 8:40">that 8:40">correctly, 8:40">directly, 8:40">uh, 8:41.331" data-end="00:38:46.371">8:41">uptown 8:42">and 8:43">then 8:43">another 8:43">cemetery 8:44">out, 8:44">um, 8:45">the 8:45">old, 8:45">the 8:45">old 8:45">route 8:46">19 8:46">before 8:46">they 8:46.371" data-end="00:38:47.451">8:46">moved 8:47">it 8:47">out 8:47">to 8:47">the 8:47">four 8:47">lane.
8:47.811" data-end="00:38:51.111">8:48">And 8:48">he 8:49">said, 8:49">promise 8:49">me, 8:49">you're 8:50">going 8:50">to 8:50">take 8:50">care 8:50">of 8:50">these 8:50">cemeteries 8:51">at 8:51">least 8:51.111" data-end="00:38:54.911">8:51">once 8:51">a 8:51">year. 8:52">So 8:52">every 8:52">Memorial 8:52">day 8:52">weekend, 8:53">my 8:53">dad 8:53">goes 8:53">and 8:54">mowed 8:54">for 8:54">time 8:54">of 8:55">Memorial.
8:55.231" data-end="00:38:59.811">8:55">And 8:55">when 8:56">I 8:56">was 8:56">a 8:56">kid, 8:56">you 8:56">knew 8:57">I 8:57">did 8:57">most 8:57">of 8:58">it. 8:58">Uh, 8:59">he 8:59">mowed 8:59">off 8:59">them 8:59">cemeteries.
8:59.851" data-end="00:39:01.431">9:00">Granddad 9:00">made 9:00">him 9:01">promise 9:01">to 9:01">do 9:01">that.
9:01.551" data-end="00:39:04.991">9:02">So 9:02">it 9:02">was 9:02">always 9:02">ingrained 9:03">in 9:03">us 9:03">at 9:03">a 9:03">young 9:04">age 9:04">of 9:04">like, 9:05">you 9:05">know, 9:04.991" data-end="00:39:06.631">9:05">this 9:05">is 9:06">just 9:06">something 9:06">you 9:06">do.
9:06.711" data-end="00:39:10.091">9:07">You 9:07">take 9:07">care 9:07">of 9:07">the 9:08">people 9:08">that 9:08">came 9:08">before 9:08">you, 9:09">you, 9:09">even 9:09">if 9:10">it's 9:10">only 9:10">once 9:10.091" data-end="00:39:11.771">9:10">a 9:10">year, 9:11">you 9:11">at 9:11">least 9:11">think 9:11">about 9:12">it.
9:12.111" data-end="00:39:16.191">9:12">Um, 9:13">yeah. 9:13">And 9:14">what's 9:14">really 9:14">funny 9:14">is 9:14">that's 9:15">a 9:15">promise 9:15">he 9:15">made 9:15">to 9:15">his, 9:16">his 9:16">dad, 9:16.371" data-end="00:39:21.011">9:16">my 9:17">grandfather 9:17">did 9:17">to 9:17">his 9:18">dad, 9:18">George 9:18">Crook 9:19">Donaldson, 9:19">who 9:20">is 9:20">buried 9:21">in 9:21">a 9:21">different 9:21.011" data-end="00:39:23.811">9:21">cemetery 9:21">in 9:22">Silo 9:22">Road 9:22">because 9:22">he 9:22">refused 9:23">to 9:23">be 9:23">buried 9:23">in 9:23">the 9:23">butler 9:24">cemetery 9:23.811" data-end="00:39:27.171">9:24">because, 9:24">and 9:25">I'm 9:25">quoting 9:25">here, 9:26">those 9:26">butlers 9:26">walked 9:26">over 9:26">me 9:27">all 9:27">through 9:27">life.
9:27.271" data-end="00:39:28.811">9:27">I'm 9:27">not 9:27">going 9:28">to 9:28">let 9:28">them 9:28">walk 9:28">over 9:28">me 9:29">in 9:29">death.
9:28.951" data-end="00:39:31.631">9:29">So 9:29">he 9:29">was 9:29">buried 9:29">on 9:30">Silo 9:30">Road, 9:30">but 9:30">that's 9:31">another 9:31">story 9:31">for 9:31">another 9:31">day.
9:31.971" data-end="00:39:36.951">9:32">Cause 9:32">that 9:32">was 9:33">a 9:33">Catholic 9:33">Protestant 9:34">beef 9:35">with 9:36">his 9:36">in-laws, 9:36">but 9:37">what, 9:36.951" data-end="00:39:40.111">9:37">So 9:37">him 9:37">and 9:37">his 9:38">wife 9:38">aren't 9:38">actually 9:38">buried 9:38">together, 9:39">but 9:39">that's 9:39">another 9:39">story 9:40">for 9:40">another 9:40">day.
[39:41] 9:40.751" data-end="00:39:43.911">9:41">But 9:41">it's 9:41">stuff 9:41">like 9:42">that. 9:42">It's 9:42">just, 9:42">you 9:42">know, 9:43">that 9:43">was 9:43">something 9:43">my 9:43">dad 9:44">did.
9:43.991" data-end="00:39:47.311">9:44">He 9:44">ingrained 9:44">it 9:45">in 9:45">me. 9:45">You 9:45">take 9:45">care 9:46">of 9:46">this. 9:46">You 9:46">go 9:46">to 9:46">the 9:47">cemeteries.
9:47.711" data-end="00:39:50.011">9:48">You 9:48">know, 9:48">we 9:48">don't 9:49">do 9:49">a 9:49">lot 9:49">of 9:49">cemeteries 9:50">now.
[39:52] 9:51.831" data-end="00:39:55.511">9:52">Cremations 9:52">on 9:52">the 9:53">rise. 9:54">And 9:54">I'm 9:54">fine 9:54">with 9:54">that. 9:54">I'm 9:55">not 9:55">going 9:55">to 9:55">get 9:55">into 9:55">an 9:55.511" data-end="00:39:57.371">9:56">argument. 9:56">If 9:56">you 9:56">want 9:56">to 9:56">be 9:56">cremated, 9:57">fine, 9:57">whatever.
00:39:58.591" data-end="00:40:02.431">9:59">I'm 9:59">more 9:59">concerned 9:59">with 40:00">your 40:00">life 40:00">and 40:00">your 40:00">soul. 40:01">The 40:01">repose 40:01">of 40:01">your 40:01">body 0:02">is 0:02">not 0:02">my 0:02">concern.
0:02.571" data-end="00:40:06.011">0:03">We 0:03">can 0:03">do 0:03">that 0:03">however 0:03">you 0:03">want 0:04">to 0:04">do 0:04">it. 0:04">But 0:04">those 0:05">things 0:05">are 0:05">on 0:05">the 0:06">rise, 0:06.051" data-end="00:40:09.471">0:06">how 0:06">people 0:06">want 0:07">to 0:07">do 0:07">it. 0:07">And 0:07">again, 0:08">this 0:08">is 0:08">where 0:08">that 0:08">planning 0:09">comes 0:09">in.
0:09.851" data-end="00:40:13.231">0:10">But 0:10">I 0:10">always 0:11">wonder 0:12">why 0:12">my 0:12">grandfather 0:12">made 0:12">my 0:13">dad 0:13">promise 0:13">that.
0:14.051" data-end="00:40:17.851">0:14">And 0:14">then 0:15">when 0:15">I 0:15">started 0:16">doing 0:16">all 0:16">the 0:16">research 0:16">into 0:17">the 0:17">Hawksnest 0:17">mine 40:18">disaster, 40:18.271" data-end="00:40:22.411">40:18">which, 0:19">you 0:19">know, 0:19">hundreds 40:20">and 40:20">now 40:20">we 40:20">think 40:21">over 40:21">a 40:21">thousand 40:21">men 40:22">died 40:22">in 40:22">that 00:40:22.411" data-end="00:40:24.171">40:22">tunnel 40:23">accident 40:23">back 40:23">in 40:24">the 40:24">30s.
00:40:25.051" data-end="00:40:28.191">40:25">I 40:25">was 40:26">talking 40:26">to 40:26">my 40:26">dad 40:26">about 40:26">where 40:27">some 40:27">of 40:27">the 40:27">unmarked 40:28">graves 40:28">were.
00:40:28.271" data-end="00:40:32.031">40:28">H.C. 40:29">White, 40:29">I 40:29">talked 40:29">about, 40:29">White 40:30">Funeral 40:30">Home. 40:30">his 40:30">dad 40:31">actually 40:31">got 40:31">he 40:32">got 00:40:32.031" data-end="00:40:34.851">40:32">paid 40:32">by 40:32">the 40:32">state 40:33">and 40:33">then 40:33">got 40:33">fined 40:33">by 40:33">the 40:34">state 40:34">for 40:34">doing 40:34">it 40:34">to 40:34">cover 40:35">up 40:35">what 00:40:34.851" data-end="00:40:37.531">40:35">the 40:35">state 40:35">paid 40:35">him 40:36">to 40:36">do 40:36">in 40:36">the 40:36">first 40:36">place 40:36">burying 40:37">all 40:37">the 40:37">unmarked 40:37">graves 00:40:37.531" data-end="00:40:39.271">40:38">including 40:38">some 40:38">of 40:38">them 40:38">on 40:38">his 40:39">personal 40:39">property, 00:40:39.871" data-end="00:40:43.691">40:40">and 40:40">I 40:40">was 40:40">talking 40:41">to 40:41">dad 40:41">about 40:41">that 40:41">and 40:42">he 40:42">said 40:43">well 40:43">it 40:43">was 40:43">here 40:43">and 40:43">here 40:44">and 00:40:43.691" data-end="00:40:46.511">40:44">here 40:44">and 40:44">I 40:44">was 40:44">like 40:44">how'd 40:44">you 40:44">know 40:44">that 40:45">and 40:45">I 40:45">was 40:45">like 40:45">well 40:45">dad 40:46">helped 40:46">meaning 00:40:46.511" data-end="00:40:48.151">40:47">his 40:47">dad 40:47">dad 40:47">helped 40:48">dig 40:48">the 40:48">graves.
The Personal Experience that Shaped a New Mentality
[40:50] 40:50.114" data-end="00:40:53.494">40:50">Hold 40:50">on, 40:51">record 40:51">scratch, 40:51">what? 40:52">Now 40:53">it 40:53">makes 40:53">sense.
0:54.394" data-end="00:40:57.894">0:54">When, 0:55">you 0:55">know, 0:55">early 0:56">days 0:56">of 0:56">depression, 0:57">granddad 0:57">was 0:57">a 0:57">teenager 0:58">or 0:58">whatever, 0:58.014" data-end="00:41:01.534">0:58">they 0:58">were 0:58">paying 0:58">him 0:58">like 0:59">five 0:59">cents 0:59">nickel 1:00">or 1:00">whatever 1:00">to 1:01">help 1:01">dig 1:01">those 1:01">graves.
00:41:02.554" data-end="00:41:06.834">1:03">Why 1:03">was 1:03">it 1:03">so 1:03">important 1:04">for 1:04">him 1:04">to 1:04">take 1:04">care 1:04">of 1:04">graves? 1:05">Because 1:06">he 1:06">had 1:06">a 1:07">personal 1:06.834" data-end="00:41:09.154">1:07">experience 1:07">of 1:08">this 1:08">ain't 1:09">right.
1:09.334" data-end="00:41:12.714">1:09">I 1:10">don't 1:10">like 1:10">this. 1:10">This 1:11">isn't 1:11">going 1:11">to 1:11">happen 1:12">again 1:12">on 1:12">my 1:12">watch.
1:13.334" data-end="00:41:14.794">1:13">That's 1:14">where 1:14">that 1:14">came 1:14">from. 1:15">them.
1:15.654" data-end="00:41:19.994">1:16">The 1:16">new 1:16">mentality 1:17">with 1:17">death 1:18">where 1:18">so 1:19">much 1:19">of 1:19">our 1:19">life 41:20">is 41:20">online.
00:41:21.334" data-end="00:41:25.214">41:21">I 41:22">don't 41:22">know 41:22">how 41:22">to 41:23">fully 41:23">form 41:23">this 41:23">thought. 41:24">You're 41:24">a 41:24">better 41:24">writer 41:24">than 41:24">me. 41:25">You 41:25">tell 41:25">me.
00:41:25.714" data-end="00:41:29.374">1:26">So 1:26">much 1:26">of 1:26">our 1:27">life 1:27">is 1:27">now 1:27">online 1:27">that 1:28">you 1:28">can't 1:29">put 1:29">your 1:29">death 1:29">online.
1:30.574" data-end="00:41:35.954">1:31">You're 1:31">not 1:31">there 1:31">to 1:31">do 1:32">it. 1:33">You 1:33">can't 1:34">filter 1:34">that. 1:35">You 1:35">can't 1:35">make 1:35">an 1:35">IG 1:36">story 1:35.954" data-end="00:41:37.614">1:36">out 1:36">of 1:36">that. 1:36">Somebody 1:36">else 1:37">is 1:37">going 1:37">to 1:37">do 1:37">it 1:37">for 1:37">you.
1:38.474" data-end="00:41:42.594">1:38">Have 1:39">you 41:40">ever 41:40">used 41:40">this 41:40">phrases, 41:40">you 1:41">know, 1:41">their 1:41">life 1:42">preached 1:42">their 1:42">funeral 1:42.594" data-end="00:41:44.374">41:43">sermon 41:43">or 41:43">something 41:44">along 41:44">those 41:44">lines.
00:41:44.474" data-end="00:41:46.694">41:44">Like 1:45">they're 1:45">like, 1:45">we 1:45">heard 1:45">it 1:45">at 1:45">Rosalind 1:46">Carter's. 1:46">They 1:46">said 1:47">it.
1:46.714" data-end="00:41:52.154">1:47">And 1:47">the 1:47">grandson 1:48">said 1:48">it, 1:49">you 1:49">know, 41:50">it's 41:50">a 41:50">famous, 41:50">and 41:50">he 1:51">said 1:51">this 1:51">case, 1:51">it's 1:52">really 1:52">true.
1:52.294" data-end="00:41:54.474">1:52">Your 1:52">life 1:53">preached 1:53">your 1:53">sermon 1:54">for 1:54">your 1:54">funeral.
1:54.934" data-end="00:41:57.914">1:55">You 1:55">can't 1:56">do 1:56">that 1:56">on 1:56">social 1:56">media. 41:57">You 41:57">can't 41:57">do 41:57">that 1:58">online.
1:58.754" data-end="00:42:02.414">1:59">You 1:59">can't 1:59">do 2:00">that. 2:00">And 2:00">the 2:00">old 2:00">timers 2:01">like 2:01">my 2:01">grandfather 2:02">and 2:02">even 2:02">my 2:02">dad, 2:02.494" data-end="00:42:06.534">2:02">although 42:03">he's 42:03">been 42:03">texting 42:04">me 42:04">left-handed, 2:05">God 2:05">bless 2:05">him. 2:05">He 2:06">took 2:06">him 2:06">two 2:06">days 2:06.534" data-end="00:42:07.294">2:07">to 2:07">figure 2:07">out 2:07">how 2:07">to 2:07">do 2:07">that.
[42:09] 2:08.634" data-end="00:42:14.394">2:09">He's 2:09">not 2:09">really 2:09">an 2:10">an 2:10">online 2:10">creature, 2:10">that 42:11">generation. 42:12">He's 2:13">made 2:13">himself 2:14">good 2:14">at 2:14">it.
2:14.674" data-end="00:42:17.974">2:15">I'm 2:15">not 2:15">even 2:15">really, 2:16">even 2:16">though 2:16">I'm 2:16">43, 42:17">because 42:17">I 42:17">just 42:17">missed, 2:18.114" data-end="00:42:19.434">2:18">you 2:18">know, 2:18">the 2:18">internet 2:19">was 2:19">kind 2:19.434" data-end="00:42:22.794">2:19">of 2:20">right 2:20">as 2:20">I 2:20">was 2:20">getting 2:21">out 2:21">of 2:21">high 2:21">school. 2:21">My 42:22">kids 42:22">are 42:22">very 42:22">online.
2:23.074" data-end="00:42:26.734">2:23">I've 2:23">actually 42:24">talked 42:24">to 42:24">them 42:24">about 42:24">this. 2:25">Their 2:25">idea 2:25">of 2:26">mortality 2:26">is 2:26">very 2:26">different 2:26.734" data-end="00:42:28.294">2:27">because 2:27">their 2:27">life 2:27">is 2:28">so 2:28">online.
2:29.114" data-end="00:42:34.074">2:29">They're 2:30">so 2:30">interconnected. 2:31">You 2:31">know, 2:32">funerals 2:32">used 2:32">to 2:33">be 2:33">the 2:33">people 2:34">you 2:34">lived 2:34.074" data-end="00:42:37.894">2:34">with 2:35">close 2:35">to 2:35">you 2:35">and 2:36">they 2:36">would 2:36">come 2:36">over 2:36">and 2:37">then 2:37">you 2:37">have 2:37">a 2:37">service 2:37">and 2:38">then 2:37.894" data-end="00:42:38.854">2:38">they 2:38">go 2:38">back 2:38">to 2:38">their 2:38">lives.
[42:40] 2:39.941" data-end="00:42:44.161">2:40">How 2:40">many 2:40">of 2:40">your 2:41">friends 2:41">are 2:41">online 2:41">now 2:41">that 2:42">you 2:42">probably 2:42">never 2:43">even 2:43">will 2:43">meet, 2:43">but 2:44">they're 2:44">very 2:44">good.
2:44.201" data-end="00:42:47.021">2:44">I 2:44">have, 2:45">I 2:45">have 2:45">very, 2:45">very 2:45">good 2:46">friends 2:46">that 2:46">I've 2:46">never 2:46">met 2:47">and 2:47">probably 2:47">never 2:47.021" data-end="00:42:49.361">2:47">will 2:47">online 42:48">would 42:48">do 2:49">anything 2:49">for 2:49">them.
2:49.401" data-end="00:42:53.361">2:49">They 2:49">needed 2:50">me 2:50">to 2:50">do 2:50">within 2:50">my 2:51">power 2:51">to 2:51">help 2:51">them 2:51">really 2:52">would 2:52">this 2:53">idea 2:53">that 2:53.361" data-end="00:42:55.181">2:53">online 2:54">friends 2:54">aren't 2:54">real. 2:54">No, 2:55">that's 2:55">nonsense.
2:55.321" data-end="00:42:58.121">2:55">That's 2:56">childish. 2:56">No, 2:56">online 2:56">friends 42:57">are 42:57">very, 42:57">very 2:58">real 2:58">to 2:58">people, 2:58.181" data-end="00:43:02.921">2:58">especially 2:58">elderly 2:59">people. 2:59">Now 2:59">we 2:59">got 2:59">that 3:00">stat 3:00">now, 3:00">how's 3:02">that 3:02">going 3:02">to 3:02">affect 3:02">your 3:02">funeral 3:03">service?
3:03.081" data-end="00:43:05.661">3:03">Are 3:03">you 3:03">going 3:03">to 3:03">put 3:04">people 3:04">joked 3:04">about 3:04">funeral 3:05">by 3:05">zoom 3:05">and 3:05">Skype, 3:05.761" data-end="00:43:09.601">3:06">but 3:06">by 3:06">God, 3:06">we 3:06">had 3:07">a, 3:07">we 3:07">had 3:08">a 3:08">freaking 3:08">pandemic 3:08">and 43:09">there 43:09">we 43:09">are 43:09">doing 43:09">it.
3:10.301" data-end="00:43:13.881">3:10">Right? 3:11">And 3:11">I 3:12">didn't 3:12">like 3:12">it. 3:12">I 3:12">didn't 3:13">like 3:13">that 3:13">my 3:13">uncle 3:13">Fred, 3:13.961" data-end="00:43:16.581">3:14">I 3:14">talked 3:14">about 3:14">living 3:14">beside 3:15">me, 3:15">he 3:15">died 3:15">in 3:15">a 3:15">hospital 3:16">by 3:16">himself 3:16">because 3:16">he 3:16.581" data-end="00:43:20.101">3:17">was 3:17">in 3:17">the 3:17">wing 3:17">with 3:17">all 3:17">the 3:18">COVID 3:18">folks 3:18">because 3:19">he 3:19">had 3:19">COPD 3:19">from 43:20">running 43:20">a 00:43:20.101" data-end="00:43:24.401">43:20">montyple 3:21">for 3:21">years 3:21">and 3:21">years 3:21">and 3:22">years, 3:22">black 3:22">lung 3:23">for 3:23">those 3:23">of 3:23">you 3:23">that 3:24">aren't 3:24">keeping 3:24">up.
3:24.841" data-end="00:43:28.141">3:25">He 3:25">was 43:26">in 43:26">the 43:26">same 43:26">wing, 3:27">even 3:27">though 3:27">he 3:27">didn't 3:27">have 3:27">COVID, 3:28">died 3:28">alone 3:28">because 3:28.141" data-end="00:43:30.821">3:28">we 3:28">weren't 3:28">allowed 3:29">to 3:29">go 3:29">see 3:29">him 3:29">and 3:30">his 3:30">family 3:30">wasn't 3:30">allowed 3:30">to 3:30">be 3:30">with 43:31">him.
43:31.001" data-end="00:43:33.781">43:31">And 43:31">then 43:31">we 3:32">had 3:32">to 3:32">fight 3:32">the 3:32">city 3:32">because 3:33">the 3:33">city 3:33">had 3:33">some 3:33">ordinance 3:34">about 3:33.781" data-end="00:43:36.781">3:34">how 3:34">many 3:34">people 3:34">we 3:34">could 3:34">have 43:35">at 43:35">the 43:35">funeral 43:35">and 43:35">then 43:35">they 3:36">didn't 3:36">want 3:36">us 3:36">to 3:36">have 3:36">a 3:36">funeral 3:36">at 3:37">all.
3:37.501" data-end="00:43:39.501">3:38">We 3:38">joke 3:38">about 3:38">it, 3:39">but 3:39">then 3:39">it 3:39">happened.
[43:41] 3:40.581" data-end="00:43:44.461">3:41">And 3:41">there's 3:41">a 3:41">lot 3:41">of 43:42">people 43:42">from 43:42">the 43:42">COVID 43:42">era 43:43">that 3:44">had 3:44">to 3:44">go 3:44">through 3:44">that 3:44">with 3:44.461" data-end="00:43:45.521">3:44">deaths 3:45">of 3:45">their 3:45">loved 3:45">ones.
3:45.681" data-end="00:43:49.081">43:46">How 43:46">does 43:46">that 43:46">affect 3:47">how 3:47">they 3:47">think 3:47">about 3:47">life 3:48">and 3:48">death 3:48">and 3:48">funeral 3:48">services 3:49">now?
3:49.581" data-end="00:43:54.721">3:50">How 3:50">does 3:50">churches 3:50">go 3:51">about 3:51">it 3:51">when, 3:51">you 3:52">know, 3:52">I 3:53">don't 3:54">know 3:54">what 3:54">statute 3:54">limits 3:55">it.
3:54.761" data-end="00:43:59.221">3:55">I'll 3:55">tell 3:55">you, 3:55">one 3:56">of 3:57">my 3:57">real 3:58">mentors, 3:58">almost 3:58">the 3:58">second 3:59">father 3:59">to 3:59">me, 3:59">died.
3:59.341" data-end="00:44:02.281">3:59">His 3:59">son, 4:00">when 4:00">he 4:00">died, 4:01">his 4:01">son 4:01">got 4:01">killed 4:01">in 4:02">a 4:02">car 4:02">accident, 4:02.341" data-end="00:44:03.541">4:02">tragically, 4:03">about 4:03">six 4:03">months 4:03">later.
4:04.081" data-end="00:44:06.821">4:04">I 4:04">remember 44:05">going 44:05">to 44:05">that 44:05">funeral 44:06">and 44:06">we 44:06">walked 44:06">in 44:06">the 4:07">church, 00:44:06.861" data-end="00:44:08.961">4:07">church 4:07">I 4:07">grew 4:07">up 4:08">in, 4:09">Okay?
4:09.461" data-end="00:44:13.241">4:09">Like, 4:10">I'm 4:10">not 4:11">a 4:11">nobody 4:11">in 4:11">that 4:11">church. 4:12">And 4:12">they 4:12">have 4:12">all 4:12">the 4:12">little 4:13">things 4:13">down 4:13.241" data-end="00:44:15.861">4:13">where 4:14">you're 4:14">not 4:14">allowed 4:14">to 4:14">sit 4:14">here, 4:15">here, 4:15">here, 4:15">and 4:15">here 4:15">for 4:16">COVID.
[44:17] 4:16.721" data-end="00:44:19.621">4:17">And 4:17">then 4:17">we 44:18">have 44:18">this 44:18">line 44:18">of 44:18">people 4:19">that 4:19">can't 4:19">get 4:19">in 4:19">the 4:19">building.
4:19.661" data-end="00:44:23.701">4:20">And 4:20">I'm 4:20">like, 4:20">yeah, 44:22">no, 44:22">get 44:22">the 44:23">papers.
00:44:23.761" data-end="00:44:26.241">4:24">They're 4:24">coming 4:24">in 4:24">and 4:24">sitting 4:24">down. 4:25">We're 4:25">getting 4:25">this 4:26">taken 4:26">care 4:26">of.
4:26.641" data-end="00:44:29.341">4:27">You 4:27">know, 4:27">that's 4:27">sort 4:28">of, 4:28">a 4:28">lot 4:28">of 4:28">people 4:28">have 4:28">stories 4:29">like 4:29">that 4:29">now.
4:29.401" data-end="00:44:31.701">4:29">It's 4:30">changed 4:30">how 4:30">they 4:30">see 4:31">death 4:31">and 4:31">funerals 4:31">now.
4:32.381" data-end="00:44:36.061">4:32">We've 44:33">been 44:33">through 44:33">COVID. 4:34">But 4:34">I 4:34">can't 4:35">kick 4:35">that 4:36">thought. 4:36">lot.
4:36.841" data-end="00:44:40.601">4:37">Free 4:37">sermon 4:38">material. 4:38">You 4:38">go 4:38">preach 4:39">on 4:39">it. 4:39">I'll 4:39">be 4:39">happy 4:39">to, 4:40">I'll 4:40">send 4:40">the 4:40">video 4:40">out.
4:41.021" data-end="00:44:43.861">4:41">You 4:41">can't 4:42">put 4:42">your 4:42">death 4:42">online. 4:43">Somebody 4:43">else 4:43">is 4:43">going 4:43">to 4:43">put 4:44">it 4:44">online.
4:44.021" data-end="00:44:46.761">4:44">That 4:44">sermon 4:44">you 4:45">preach 4:45">with 4:45">your 4:45">life 4:45">now, 4:46">somebody 4:46">else 4:46">is 4:46">going 4:46">to 4:46">write 4:47">that 4:46.761" data-end="00:44:48.741">4:47">IG 4:47">post. 4:47">They're 4:48">going 4:48">to 4:48">write 4:48">that 4:48">Facebook 4:48">post.
4:49.301" data-end="00:44:53.781">4:49">Maybe 4:50">that's 4:50">how 4:50">we 4:50">pitch 4:51">it 4:51">to 4:51">people 4:51">now. 4:52">Maybe 4:52">we 4:52">have 4:53">to 4:53">reach 4:53">people 4:53">where 4:53">they 4:54">are.
4:54.021" data-end="00:44:58.221">4:54">Hey, 4:54">you 4:55">can't 4:55">put 4:55">your 4:56">death 4:56">online, 4:56">but 4:57">so 4:57">many 4:57">of 4:57">your 4:57">friends 4:58">and 4:58">so 4:58">much 4:58.221" data-end="00:44:59.781">4:58">of 4:58">your 4:58">life 44:59">is 44:59">online 44:59">now.
5:00.181" data-end="00:45:02.861">5:00">How 5:01">are 5:01">you 5:01">going 5:01">to 5:01">do 5:01">that? 5:01">Maybe 5:02">that 5:02">needs 5:02">to 5:02">be 5:02">part 5:02">of 5:02">your 5:02">planning.
5:02.981" data-end="00:45:05.721">5:03">Hey, 5:03">Hey, 5:03">I 5:04">know 5:04">I 5:04">have 5:05">what's 5:05">called 5:05">dead 5:06">coats.
5:06.381" data-end="00:45:09.681">5:06">I 5:07">don't 5:07">know 5:07">what 5:07">y'all 5:07">call 5:08">it. 5:08">My 5:08">kid 5:08">says 5:08">dead 5:08">coat. 5:09">Got 5:09">a 5:09">little 5:09">index 5:09">card 5:09.681" data-end="00:45:10.821">5:10">on 5:10">my 5:10">passwords 5:10">on 45:11">it. 45:11">All 45:11">right.
[45:12] 45:11.963" data-end="00:45:17.863">5:12">So 5:12">they 5:12">can 5:13">get 5:13">on 5:13">my 5:13">Twitter 5:14">account 5:14">and 5:14">be 5:14">like, 5:15">hey, 5:15">dad 5:16">got 5:17">hit 5:17">by 5:17">a 5:18">flying 5:17.863" data-end="00:45:21.303">5:18">cow 5:18">in 5:18">a 5:18">tornado 5:19">like 5:19">in 5:19">Twister 5:19">and 45:20">unfortunately 45:20">did 5:21">not 5:21">survive.
5:21.443" data-end="00:45:24.323">5:21">And 5:22">they 5:22">can 5:23">make 5:23">a 5:23">little 5:23">post 5:23">about 5:24">it 5:24">and 5:24">put 5:24">it 5:24">on 5:24">there.
5:24.943" data-end="00:45:27.503">5:25">I 5:25">have 5:26">my 5:26">mom, 5:26">so 5:26">I 5:27">can 5:27">go 5:27">on 5:27">her 5:27">Facebook.
5:28.203" data-end="00:45:31.303">5:28">If 5:29">something 5:29">happens 5:29">to 5:29">mom 5:29">and 5:30">dad, 5:30">we 5:30">can 5:30">get 5:30">on 5:30">their 45:31">Facebook 45:31">and 45:31">do 45:31">it.
00:45:31.343" data-end="00:45:33.063">45:31">Have 5:32">you 5:32">done 5:32">just 5:32">that 5:32">little 5:32">medial 5:33">step?
5:33.243" data-end="00:45:37.183">5:33">Do 5:33">you 5:33">have 5:34">the 5:34">dead 5:35">codes 5:35">or 5:36">whatever 5:36">you 5:36">want 5:36">to 5:36">call 5:36">them 5:36">to 5:37">do 5:37">social 5:37">media 5:37.183" data-end="00:45:38.463">5:37">just 5:37">so 5:38">you 5:38">can 5:38">tell 5:38">people?
5:39.063" data-end="00:45:41.883">5:39">How 5:39">many 5:40">of 5:40">you, 5:40">you 5:40">know, 5:40">my 5:41">mom 5:41">has 5:41">friends 5:41">online 5:41">on 5:42">Facebook.
5:41.943" data-end="00:45:43.183">5:42">I 5:42">don't 5:42">even 5:42">know 5:42">who 5:43">they 5:43">are 5:43">anymore.
5:43.343" data-end="00:45:45.703">5:43">It 5:43">used 5:43">to 5:44">be 5:44">I 5:44">knew 5:44">everybody 5:44">my 5:44">mom 5:44">and 5:45">dad 5:45">knew 5:45">because 5:45">you 5:45">went 5:45">to 5:46">church 5:45.703" data-end="00:45:49.203">5:46">with 5:46">them 5:46">or 5:46">grew 5:47">up 5:47">with 5:47">them. 5:47">They 45:48">have 45:48">friends 45:48">all 45:48">over 45:48">the 5:49">country 5:49">now.
5:50.243" data-end="00:45:54.263">5:50">You 5:51">know, 5:51">this 5:51">online 5:51">death 5:52">thing 5:52">is 5:52">a 5:52">very 5:53">real 5:53">thing 5:53">that 5:54">we're 5:54">going 5:54">to 5:54">have 5:54.263" data-end="00:45:57.383">5:54">to 5:54">deal 5:55">with 5:55">in 5:55">a 5:55">very 5:55">real 5:55">way, 45:56">even 45:56">though 5:57">it's 5:57">all 5:57">virtual.
5:58.183" data-end="00:46:01.443">5:58">That's 5:58">a 5:59">huge 5:59">culture 5:59">shift. 6:00">That's 6:00">a 6:00">culture 6:00">shift 6:01">we 6:01">can't 6:01">get 6:01">our 6:01">mind.
6:01.603" data-end="00:46:05.303">6:02">It 6:02">will 6:02">be 6:02">40, 6:02">50 6:02">years 6:03">down 6:03">the 6:03">road. 6:03">Somebody 6:03">will 6:04">start 6:04">studying 6:04">it 6:04">and 6:04">really 6:05">understand 6:05">it.
6:05.663" data-end="00:46:09.963">6:06">That's 6:06">a 6:06">huge 6:06">culture 6:07">shift, 6:07">man. 6:07">man. 6:08">You 6:08">and 6:08">me, 6:08">we've 6:08">been 6:09">friends 6:09">for 6:09">years 6:09">now, 6:09">never 46:10">met 46:10">you.
46:10.303" data-end="00:46:13.483">46:10">Want 6:11">to 6:11">someday, 6:11">hope 6:12">to. 6:12">I 6:12">mean, 6:12">you're 6:12">so 6:13">far 6:13">north, 6:13">you 6:13">said, 6:13.523" data-end="00:46:16.103">6:14">I 6:14">have 6:14">to 6:14">go 6:14">down 6:14">to 6:15">South 6:15">Dakota. 6:15">That's 6:16">north, 6:16">brother.
6:16.263" data-end="00:46:19.043">6:16">When 6:17">you 6:17">got 6:17">to 6:17">go 6:17">down 6:18">to 6:18">South 6:18">Dakota, 6:18">you're 6:19">up 6:19">north.
6:19.723" data-end="00:46:24.343">6:20">But 6:20">this 6:20">is 6:20">a 6:21">perfect 6:21">example. 6:21">We're 6:22">friends. 6:23">We 6:23">talk 6:23">about 6:23">it. 6:23">We 6:24">pray 6:24">for 6:24">each 6:24">other.
6:24.443" data-end="00:46:29.123">6:24">I've 6:25">talked 6:25">to 6:25">you 6:25">about 6:25">personal 6:25">things 46:26">offline 46:26">that 46:26">are 6:27">as 6:28">a 6:28">pastor 6:29">and 6:29">a 6:29.123" data-end="00:46:30.903">6:29">friend 6:29">and 6:30">just 6:30">things 6:30">I 6:30">can 6:30">confide 6:31">in 6:31">you.
[46:32] 6:32.023" data-end="00:46:34.923">6:32">I 6:32">want 6:33">you 6:33">to 6:33">know 6:33">if 6:33">if 6:33">something 6:33">happens 6:33">to 6:34">me, 6:34">how 6:34">would 6:35">you 6:35">know 6:35">without 6:34.923" data-end="00:46:37.583">6:35">social 6:35">media? 6:36">If 6:36">my 6:36">phone 6:37">goes 6:37">dead, 6:37">cause 6:37">I 6:37">die.
6:38.063" data-end="00:46:43.243">6:38">These 6:38">are 6:39">the 6:39">things 6:39">we 6:39">need 6:39">to 6:40">talk 6:40">about 6:40">with, 6:41">you 6:41">know, 6:41">our 6:42">death 6:42">is 6:42">part 6:43">of 6:43">our 6:43">life.
00:46:44.203" data-end="00:46:48.063">46:44">Make 6:45">it 6:45">part 6:45">of 6:45">your 6:45">life. 6:45">Just 6:45">embrace 6:46">it. 6:46">And 6:47">this 6:47">is, 6:47">you 6:48">know, 6:48.083" data-end="00:46:50.103">6:48">I 6:48">don't 46:49">have 46:49">the 46:49">right 46:49">words 46:49">for 46:49">it. 46:50">I 46:50">wish 46:50">I 46:50">did.
00:46:50.143" data-end="00:46:52.663">46:50">I 46:50">need 46:50">to 46:50">think 46:51">on 46:51">it 46:51">more, 46:51">but 46:51">you 46:52">can't 46:52">put 46:52">your 46:52">death 46:52">online, 00:46:52.823" data-end="00:46:55.223">6:53">but 6:53">your 6:53">death's 6:53">going 6:53">to 46:54">be 46:54">online. 46:54">What 46:54">are 46:55">you 46:55">going 46:55">to 46:55">do 46:55">about 46:55">it 46:55">then?
The Unscripted Reality of Death
[46:58] 00:46:57.783" data-end="00:47:02.523">46:58">Yeah. 46:58">I 46:58">was 46:58">going 46:59">back 46:59">to 46:59">kind 46:59">of 47:00">with 47:00">Jimmy 47:00">Carter, 47:01">the 47:01">thing 47:01">that 47:01">I've 47:02">learned, 00:47:03.043" data-end="00:47:10.543">47:03">been 47:04">thinking 47:04">about 47:04">here 47:05">now 47:05">is 47:05">especially 47:08">like 47:08">if 47:08">you 47:08">see 47:08">things 47:09">on 47:09">youtube 47:09">and 47:10">all 47:10">that 47:10">is, 00:47:11.343" data-end="00:47:14.163">47:11">kind 47:12">of 47:12">things 47:13">are 47:13">always 47:14">kind 47:14">of 47:14">i 00:47:14.163" data-end="00:47:18.663">47:14">would 47:14">say 47:15">beautiful 47:15">or 47:16">at 47:16">least 47:16">perfect 47:16">um 47:17">because 00:47:18.663" data-end="00:47:21.743">47:19">of 47:19">course 47:19">things 47:19">sometimes 47:20">especially 47:20">if 47:21">they're 47:21">filmed 47:21">they're 47:21">scripted 00:47:21.743" data-end="00:47:27.643">47:22">and 47:22">all 47:22">of 47:22">that 47:22">stuff 47:23">and 47:24">the 47:25">thing 47:25">about 47:25">the 47:26">funeral 47:26">was 47:27">that 47:27">it 47:27">wasn't 47:27">scripted 00:47:27.643" data-end="00:47:37.523">47:28">it 47:28">was 47:28">real 47:29">um 7:30">and 7:30">it 7:30">was 7:31">and 7:32">all 7:32">of 7:33">the 7:33">the 47:34">messiness 47:34">of 47:35">that 47:35">and 47:36">you 7:37">know 7:37.523" data-end="00:47:39.883">47:38">that's 47:38">kind 47:38">of 47:38">the 47:38">thing 47:38">about 7:39">death 7:39">is 7:39">that 7:39">it's 7:40">not, 7:40.743" data-end="00:47:43.423">7:41">scripted 7:42">it's 7:42">real 7:42">and 7:43">um.
[47:45] 7:44.848" data-end="00:47:48.928">7:45">And 7:45">that 7:45">we 7:45">kind 7:45">of 7:46">have 7:46">to 7:46">deal 7:46">with 7:46">that. 7:46">And 7:46">I 7:46">think 7:47">going 7:48">back 7:48">to 7:48">why 7:48">people's 7:48.928" data-end="00:47:54.868">7:49">reaction, 7:50">it 7:50">was, 7:50">I 7:50">think 7:50">it 7:50">was 7:50">shocking 7:51">to 7:51">see 7:51">something 7:52">that 7:53">wasn't 7:54">curated 7:54.868" data-end="00:47:57.428">7:55">in 7:56">some 7:56">way, 7:56">but 7:56">that 7:57">was 7:57">real.
7:58.328" data-end="00:48:02.648">7:58">Yeah. 7:59">He, 8:00">uh, 8:00">he 8:00">meant 8:00">it 8:01">regarding 8:01">more 8:01">towards 8:02">race, 8:02">but 8:02">I 8:02">think 8:02">it's 8:02">universal.
8:02.888" data-end="00:48:07.128">8:03">James 8:03">Baldwin 8:03">had 8:04">a 8:04">great 8:04">line 8:04">about 8:04">people, 8:05">people 8:05">hate 8:06">what 8:06">they 8:06">fear 8:06">because 8:07.128" data-end="00:48:09.628">8:07">if, 8:07">if 8:08">they 8:08">let 8:08">go 8:08">of 8:08">their 8:08">hate, 48:09">then 48:09">they 48:09">got 48:09">to 48:09">deal 48:09">with 48:09">their 48:09">fear.
00:48:09.708" data-end="00:48:14.208">8:10">I'm 8:10">bastardizing 8:11">the 8:11">quote. 8:11">I'm 8:11">paraphrasing 8:12">it. 8:12">But 8:12">the, 8:13">the 8:13">gist 8:14">of 8:14">it 8:14">is, 8:14.268" data-end="00:48:17.568">8:14">you 8:14">know, 8:14">they, 8:15">they 8:15">hate 48:16">what 48:16">they 48:16">fear 48:16">because 8:17">if 8:17">they 8:17">let 8:17">go 8:17">of 8:17">their, 8:17.668" data-end="00:48:20.188">8:18">you 8:18">know, 8:19">that 8:19">hate, 8:19">then 8:19">they 8:19">got 8:19">to 8:20">deal 8:20">with 8:20">their 8:20">fear.
8:20.728" data-end="00:48:24.368">8:21">And 8:21">that's 8:21">what 8:22">you 8:22">saw 8:22">with 8:22">that. 8:23">Mocking 8:24">of 8:24">old 8:24">people.
8:25.068" data-end="00:48:28.868">8:25">You're 8:26">afraid. 8:26">I 8:26">have 8:27">no 8:28">fear 8:28">of 8:28">death 8:28">whatsoever.
8:29.428" data-end="00:48:33.688">8:29">I'm 8:30">scared 8:30">to 8:30">death 8:31">of 8:31">losing 8:31">my 8:31">mind. 48:32">I'm 48:32">at 48:32">extremely 8:33">high 8:33">risk.
8:33.788" data-end="00:48:37.028">8:34">I 8:34">actually 8:34">had 8:34">an 8:34">early 8:35">onset 8:35">Parkinson's 8:36">scare 8:36">about 8:36">a 8:36">year 8:37">and 8:37">a 8:37">half, 8:37.068" data-end="00:48:40.308">8:37">two 8:37">years 8:37">ago, 8:38">where 8:38">they 8:38">really 8:38">thought 8:39">that 8:39">might 8:39">be 8:39">what's 8:40">going 8:40">on.
8:40.368" data-end="00:48:44.168">8:40">Turned 8:41">out 8:41">I 8:41">just 8:41">had 8:41">peripheral 8:42">entropathy 8:43">where 8:43">my 8:43">hands 8:43">aren't 8:44">working 8:44">and 8:44">stuff.
[48:45] 8:45.328" data-end="00:48:49.768">8:45">But, 8:46">you 8:46">know, 8:46">that 8:46">stuff 8:48">scares 8:48">me. 8:49">Alzheimer's 8:49">runs 8:49">in 8:49">my 8:49">family.
8:50.188" data-end="00:48:53.048">8:50">Parkinson, 8:51">my 8:51">uncle 8:51">just 8:51">died 8:52">of 8:52">Parkinson's 8:52">a 8:52">couple 8:53">of 8:53">years 8:53">ago.
8:53.088" data-end="00:48:56.348">8:53">The 8:53">most 8:54">living 8:54">man 8:55">you 8:55">ever 8:55">saw, 8:55">just 8:55">a 8:55">legendary 8:56">guy, 8:56.968" data-end="00:49:03.568">8:57">a 8:57">Marine 8:58">football 8:58">player, 8:59">climbed 8:59">every 9:00">mountain 9:01">from 9:01">the 9:01">Matterhorn 9:02">to 9:02">Australia, 9:03.928" data-end="00:49:08.208">9:04">like 9:04">just 9:05">full, 9:05">full 9:05">life 9:06">and 9:06">just 9:06">whittled 9:06">down 9:07">to 9:07">nothing 9:07">by 9:07">that 9:08">wicked 9:08">illness 9:08.208" data-end="00:49:10.308">9:08">to 9:09">where 9:09">he 9:09">couldn't 9:09">even 9:09">stand 9:10">up 9:10">at 9:10">the 9:10">end.
9:10.688" data-end="00:49:13.988">9:11">You 9:11">know, 9:11">Parkinson's 9:12">all 9:12">time. 9:12">That 9:12">stuff 9:13">scares 9:13">the 9:13">hell 9:14">out 9:14">of 9:14">me.
9:14.028" data-end="00:49:15.368">9:14">And 9:14">I'm 9:14">not 9:14">afraid 9:15">to 9:15">talk 9:15">about 9:15">it.
9:15.448" data-end="00:49:19.968">9:15">I 9:16">have 9:16">neurology 9:17">friends 9:17">on 9:18">Twitter 9:18">specifically 9:19">for 9:19">this 9:20">issue.
9:20.188" data-end="00:49:22.228">9:20">Because 9:20">I'm 9:21">like, 9:21">hey, 9:21">talk 9:22">to 9:22">me 9:22">about 9:22">this.
9:23.228" data-end="00:49:26.448">9:23">Things 9:24">like 9:24">my 9:24">dad's 9:24">stroke, 9:24">I 9:25">know 9:25">it 9:25">terrified 9:25">him. 9:26">And 9:26">luckily, 9:26.588" data-end="00:49:28.168">9:27">the 9:27">cognitive 9:27">looks 9:27">like 9:28">it's 9:28">all 9:28">there.
9:28.468" data-end="00:49:32.108">9:28">His 9:29">speech 9:29">is 9:29">weird, 9:30">but 9:30">it's 9:30">actually 9:30">just 9:30">neuromotor 9:32">in 9:32">his 9:32">face.
9:32.208" data-end="00:49:35.228">9:32">So, 9:32">you 9:33">know, 9:33">he's 9:33">all 9:34">there. 9:34">That 9:34">scared 9:35">him. 9:35">It 9:35">scared 9:35">me.
9:35.628" data-end="00:49:39.888">9:36">I 9:36">mean, 9:36">I 9:36">drove 9:37">to 9:37">West 9:38">Virginia. 9:38">I 9:38">was 9:38">like, 9:38">am 9:38">I 9:39">ever 9:39">going 9:39">to 9:39">be 9:39">able 9:39">to 9:39">talk 9:39">to 9:39">my 9:40">dad 9:40">again?
9:41.211" data-end="00:49:44.431">9:41">I 9:42">had 9:42">that 9:42">thought. 9:42">That 9:43">stuff 9:43">scares 9:43">me 9:43">because 9:44">I 9:44">don't 9:44">want 9:44">to 9:44">put 9:44">my 9:44">children 9:44.431" data-end="00:49:46.311">9:44">through 9:45">that. 9:45">I 9:45">don't 9:45">want 9:45">to 9:45">put 9:45">my 9:45">family 9:46">through 9:46">that.
9:47.011" data-end="00:49:50.411">9:47">I 9:47">don't 9:48">want 9:48">to 9:48">lose 9:48">my 9:48">mind. 9:49">That 9:49">scares 9:49">me, 9:49">but 9:50">it's 9:50">a 9:50">possibility.
9:50.611" data-end="00:49:51.871">9:51">You 9:51">have 9:51">to 9:51">prepare 9:51">for 9:52">it.
Happy Funerals and Wasted Lives
[49:53] 9:53.291" data-end="00:49:57.451">9:53">Those 9:54">are 9:54">the 9:54">parts 9:55">you 9:55">don't 9:55">get 9:55">to 9:55">see 9:56">with 9:56">the 9:56">Jimmy 9:56">Carter 9:57">funeral 9:57">is 9:57">what 9:57.451" data-end="00:50:01.811">9:57">are 49:58">you 49:58">afraid 49:58">of? 49:58">What 9:59">was 9:59">beautiful 9:59">about 50:00">the 50:00">Carters 50:00">was 50:01">you 50:01">didn't 50:01">see 50:01">anybody 00:50:01.811" data-end="00:50:03.711">0:02">that 0:02">was 0:02">afraid. 0:03">You 0:03">didn't 0:03">even 0:03">really 0:03">see 0:03">mourning.
0:04.091" data-end="00:50:07.631">0:04">And 0:05">I'm 0:05">not 0:05">trying 0:05">to 0:05">be 0:05">disrespectful 0:05">here. 0:06">Of 0:06">course 0:06">they 0:07">miss 0:07">her. 0:07">Of 0:07">course 0:07">they 0:07">love 0:08">her.
0:08.131" data-end="00:50:12.131">0:08">Did 0:08">you 0:09">feel 0:09">mourning 0:10">out 0:10">of 0:10">that 0:10">service? 0:11">I 0:11">watched 0:11">quite 0:11">a 0:11">bit 0:11">of 0:11">it 0:12">online.
0:12.591" data-end="00:50:17.491">0:13">It 0:13">wasn't 0:14">a 0:14">sad 0:15">mourning. 0:15">It 0:15">was, 0:16">you 0:16">know, 0:17">if 0:17">you've 0:17">been 0:17">to 0:17">a, 0:17.511" data-end="00:50:20.031">50:18">if 50:18">you 50:18">come 50:18">from 50:18">a 50:18">church 50:18">background 0:19">like 0:19">you 0:19">and 0:19">I 0:19">both 50:20">do, 00:50:20.111" data-end="00:50:22.691">50:20">and 50:20">even 50:20">other 50:21">cultures 50:21">that 50:21">aren't 50:22">Christian 50:22">have 50:22">this 50:22">though, 00:50:22.811" data-end="00:50:27.591">50:23">you 50:24">know, 50:24">celebratory 50:25">funerals 50:26">are 50:26">just 50:27">a 50:27">different 50:27">thing, 00:50:27.731" data-end="00:50:30.631">50:28">but 50:28">they're 50:28">a 50:28">real 50:29">thing, 50:29">man. 50:29">Have 50:29">you 50:30">ever 50:30">been 50:30">to 50:30">a 50:30">happy 50:30">funeral?
00:50:31.211" data-end="00:50:35.951">50:31">They're, 50:32">they're 50:32">so 50:32">good. 50:33">They're 50:33">so 50:33">good 50:34">for 50:34">your 50:34">soul. 50:34">They, 50:35">they 50:35">make 50:35">you 50:35">feel 50:36">good.
50:36.211" data-end="00:50:39.851">50:36">And 50:37">brother, 50:37">I've 50:38">been 50:38">to 50:38">the 50:38">funerals 50:38">where 50:39">you 50:39">didn't 50:39">want 50:39">to 50:39">be 50:39">there 50:40">because 00:50:39.851" data-end="00:50:41.471">50:40">it 50:40">wasn't 50:41">a 50:41">good 50:41">life 50:41">story.
00:50:42.131" data-end="00:50:44.871">50:42">And 50:42">you 50:43">got 50:43">to 50:43">be 50:43">respectful 50:43">of 50:44">the 50:44">dead 50:44">and 50:44">you're 50:44">trying 50:45">to, 00:50:44.871" data-end="00:50:50.291">50:45">you 50:45">know, 50:45">have 50:46">dignity 50:46">with 50:47">the 50:48">family 50:48">and 50:49">you 50:49">want 50:50">to 50:50">be 50:50">respectful, 00:50:50.371" data-end="00:50:52.951">50:50">but 50:51">you 50:51">just 50:51">knows 50:51">like, 50:52">God, 50:52">that 50:52">was 50:52">a 50:52">wasted 50:53">life.
50:53.491" data-end="00:50:56.951">50:53">Oh, 0:54">this 0:54">is 0:54">tragic. 0:55">Oh, 0:55">this 0:55">shouldn't 0:56">have 0:56">been 0:56">this 0:56">way. 0:57">This 0:57">is 0:57">what, 0:57.011" data-end="00:50:59.411">0:57">is 0:57">there 0:58">anything 0:58">worse 0:58">than 0:58">sitting 0:58">through 0:59">those 0:59">funerals?
0:59.831" data-end="00:51:03.431">1:00">I've 1:00">talked 1:00">to 1:00">my 1:01">dad 1:01">about 1:01">it. 1:01">My 1:01">dad 1:01">was 1:01">a 1:01">bivocational 51:02">pastor 51:02">for 1:03">years 1:03">and 1:03">years 1:03">and 1:03">years.
1:03.831" data-end="00:51:07.831">1:04">And 1:04">he's 1:04">talked 1:05">about, 1:05">he's 1:05">like, 1:05">sometimes 1:06">you 1:06">get 1:07">up 1:07">at 1:07">the 1:07">funeral 1:07">and 1:08">you 1:07.831" data-end="00:51:12.611">1:08">just 1:08">look 1:08">Look 1:08">in 1:08">their 1:08">faces 1:09">and 1:09">and 1:10">you 1:10">they're 1:11">just 1:11">looking 1:11">at 1:12">you 1:12">because 1:12">they 1:12">know.
[51:14] 1:14.151" data-end="00:51:17.051">1:14">They 1:14">know. 1:15">They 1:16">know 1:16">you've 1:16">got 1:16">nothing 1:16">good 1:17">to 1:17">say.
1:17.731" data-end="00:51:21.711">1:18">They 1:18">know 1:18">you're 1:19">going 1:19">to 1:19">go 1:19">generic 1:19">on 51:20">the 51:20">Beatitudes 51:21">because 51:21">there's 51:21">nothing 00:51:21.711" data-end="00:51:23.771">51:22">you 51:22">can 51:22">say, 51:22">and 51:23">you 51:23">can't 51:23">lie 51:23">to 51:24">them.
51:24.171" data-end="00:51:26.771">51:24">And 51:25">you 51:25">see 51:25">the 51:25">pain 51:25">in 1:26">their 1:26">eyes. 1:26">My 1:26">dad's 1:26">always 1:26">told 1:27">me, 1:26.791" data-end="00:51:29.451">1:27">he's 1:27">like, 1:27">one 1:27">of 1:27">the 1:27">hardest 1:27">things 1:28">you'll 1:28">ever 1:28">do 1:28">as 1:28">a 1:29">minister 1:29">or 1:29">as 1:29">a 1:29">pastor 1:29.451" data-end="00:51:34.131">1:29">is 1:30">when 1:30">you've 1:30">got 1:30">that 1:31">kind 1:31">of 1:31">a 1:31">service, 1:32">and 1:33">you 1:33">just 1:33">have 1:33">to 1:33">talk 1:34">about 1:34">what 1:34.131" data-end="00:51:36.851">1:34">they 1:34">can 1:35">do 1:35">because 1:35">there's 1:35">nothing 1:35">you 1:36">can 1:36">do 1:36">for 1:36">this 1:36">person 1:36">anymore. 1:37">more.
1:37.951" data-end="00:51:41.811">1:38">It 1:38">all 1:39">goes 1:39">together 1:39">to 51:40">everything 51:40">we've 51:40">talked 51:40">about, 1:41">properly 1:41">setting 1:41">mortality 1:41.811" data-end="00:51:45.551">1:42">in 1:42">its 1:42">proper 51:43">place 51:43">as 51:43">the 51:44">end 51:44">goal 51:44">of 51:44">your 51:44">life, 1:45">because 1:45">that's 1:45">where 1:45">it's 1:45">going.
1:46.071" data-end="00:51:50.771">1:46">Dealing 1:46">with 1:47">planning, 1:47">dealing 1:48">with 1:48">things, 1:49">it 1:49">all 1:49">goes 51:50">into 51:50">that 51:50">because 51:50">you 00:51:50.771" data-end="00:51:52.351">1:51">don't 1:51">want 1:51">to 1:51">have 1:51">that 1:52">kind 1:52">of 1:52">a 1:52">service.
1:52.771" data-end="00:51:55.291">1:53">You 1:53">don't 1:53">want 1:53">your 1:54">friends 1:54">having 1:54">that 1:54">service. 1:55">You 1:55">don't 1:55">want 1:55">people 1:55">going, 1:55.391" data-end="00:51:59.351">1:55">should 1:56">we 1:56">not 1:56">have 1:56">a 1:56">service 1:56">because 51:57">we 51:57">don't 51:57">want 51:57">to 51:57">deal 51:57">with 51:57">the 1:58">drama 1:58">of 1:58">it, 1:58">which 1:59">I 1:59">have 1:59">heard.
1:59.611" data-end="00:52:02.891">2:00">I 2:00">know 2:00">people 2:01">who 2:01">did 2:01">not 2:01">have 2:02">a 2:02">funeral 2:02">service 2:02">because 52:03">they're 52:03">like, 2:02.891" data-end="00:52:04.491">52:03">Like, 52:03">well, 52:03">the 52:03">kids 52:03">won't 52:03">get 52:04">along. 52:04">Let's 52:04">not 52:04">have 52:04">it.
00:52:04.751" data-end="00:52:08.871">2:05">I 2:05">mean, 2:05">how 2:06">sad 2:06">is 2:06">that? 2:07">How 2:08">tragic 2:08">is 2:09">that?
2:09.831" data-end="00:52:11.291">2:10">I 2:10">think 52:11">these 52:11">are 52:11">things.
[52:13] 00:52:12.971" data-end="00:52:16.551">2:13">The 2:13">issue 2:14">with 2:14">death, 2:15">to 2:15">kind 2:15">of 2:15">put 2:15">it 2:16">in 2:16">one 2:16">or 2:16">two 2:16">lines, 2:16.791" data-end="00:52:21.171">52:17">you 2:18">got 2:18">to 2:18">have 2:18">a 2:18">holistic 2:18">approach 2:19">because 2:19">everything 2:20">you 2:20">do 2:21">from 2:21">the 2:21">time 2:21.171" data-end="00:52:24.891">2:21">you're 2:21">born 52:22">till 52:22">the 52:22">time 52:22">you 52:22">die 52:22">goes 2:23">into 2:23">it. 52:24">It 52:24">really 2:25">does.
2:26.051" data-end="00:52:30.691">2:26">And 2:26">there's 2:27">just 2:27">no 2:27">way 2:28">to 2:28">cheat 2:28">it. 2:28">You 2:28">either 2:29">planned 2:30">it 2:30">and 2:30">you 2:30">prepared 2:30.691" data-end="00:52:34.611">2:31">it 2:31">and 2:31">you 2:31">treated 2:32">it 2:32">with 2:32">the 2:32">respect 2:33">it 2:33">deserves 2:33">or 2:34">you 2:34">didn't.
2:34.771" data-end="00:52:38.031">2:35">And 2:35">when 2:35">you 2:36">die 2:36">and 2:36">they 2:36">have 2:36">that 2:36">service, 2:37">whatever 2:37">that 2:37">service 2:38">may 2:38">be, 2:38.111" data-end="00:52:39.791">2:38">or 2:38">if 2:38">they 2:38">skip 2:39">it 2:39">because 2:39">they 2:39">don't 2:39">want 2:39">to 2:39">deal 2:39">with 2:40">you.
2:39.991" data-end="00:52:41.171">2:40">I've 2:40">seen 2:40">that 2:41">a 2:41">time 2:41">or 2:41">two.
2:41.971" data-end="00:52:47.351">2:42">You 2:42">can't 2:43">hide 2:43">it 2:43">once 2:43">you're 2:43">done. 2:44">It's 2:45">final, 2:45">you 2:46">know, 2:46">and 2:47">you're 2:47">going 2:47">to 2:47.351" data-end="00:52:50.471">2:47">be 2:47">judged 52:48">on 52:48">it 52:48">both 2:49">here 2:49">and 2:49">depending 2:49">on 2:50">your 2:50">religious 2:50">belief.
2:50.551" data-end="00:52:53.511">2:51">I 2:51">think 2:51">you'll 2:51">be 2:51">judged 2:51">in 2:52">the 2:52">next 2:52">world 2:53">on 2:53">how 2:53">you 2:53">did 2:53">it.
2:53.511" data-end="00:52:58.711">2:54">But 2:54">the 2:54">people 2:54">there 2:55">will 2:55">judge 2:55">you 2:55">because 2:56">the 2:56">book's 2:56">closed 52:57">and 52:57">there's 52:57">nowhere 2:58">to 2:58">hide 2:58">any 2:58">of 2:59">it.
2:59.471" data-end="00:53:04.431">2:59">That 3:00">can 3:00">be 3:01">a 3:01">terrifying 3:01">thing 3:02">or 3:02">it 3:02">can 3:02">be 3:02">a 3:03">motivating 3:03">thing 3:03">to 3:04">do 3:04">better.
3:04.551" data-end="00:53:05.971">3:05">And 3:05">let's 3:05">make 3:05">it 3:05">a 3:05">motivating 3:06">thing.
Ending the Conversation on Caregiving
[53:09] 3:08.897" data-end="00:53:12.777">53:09">Well, 53:09">I 53:09">think 3:10">that 3:10">that's 3:10">probably 3:10">the 3:11">best 3:11">place 3:11">to 3:12">end 3:12">the 3:12">conversation.
3:12.997" data-end="00:53:18.217">3:13">I 3:13">was 3:13">going 3:14">to 3:14">try 3:15">to 3:15">engage 3:15">in 3:16">a 3:16">little 3:16">bit 3:16">of 3:16">what 3:17">people 3:17">call 3:17">rank 3:18">punditry, 3:18.337" data-end="00:53:21.657">3:18">but 3:19">I 3:19">think 3:19">it's 53:20">best 53:20">to 53:20">kind 3:21">of 3:21">leave 3:21">that 3:21">for 3:21">another 3:21">time.
3:21.657" data-end="00:53:25.937">3:22">I 3:22">think 3:22">this 3:22">was 3:23">an 3:23">important 3:23">conversation 3:24">to 3:24">have, 3:24">especially 3:25">for, 3:25.977" data-end="00:53:31.577">53:26">I 53:26">think, 53:26">for 53:26">both 3:27">of 3:27">us 3:27">as 3:27">we're 3:27">both 3:28">dealing 3:28">with 3:28">caregiving 3:29">and 3:30">hopefully 00:53:31.577" data-end="00:53:34.097">3:32">an 3:32">important 3:32">conversation 3:33">for 3:33">people 3:33">who 3:34">are 3:34">listening, 3:34.237" data-end="00:53:38.757">3:34">who 53:35">might 53:35">either 53:35">find 3:36">themselves 3:36">in 3:36">that 3:36">situation 3:37">or 3:37">soon 3:38">will 3:38">at 3:38">some 3:38">point.
3:38.757" data-end="00:53:42.397">3:39">Yeah, 3:40">I 3:40">don't 3:40">like 3:40">talking 3:40">about 3:40">it, 3:41">but 3:41">it 3:41">feels 3:41">good 3:41">to 3:41">talk 3:41">about 53:42">it 53:42">after 53:42">the 53:42">week 53:42">I've 53:42">had.
00:53:43.137" data-end="00:53:46.937">53:43">A 3:44">week 3:44">and 3:44">a 3:44">half 3:44">now, 3:44">as 3:45">we 3:45">said 3:45">in 3:45">recording 3:45">this, 53:46">you 53:46">know 53:46">where 53:46">I'm 53:46">worried 00:53:46.937" data-end="00:53:50.197">3:47">about 3:47">my 3:47">mom, 3:48">worried 3:48">about 3:48">my 3:48">dad, 3:48">worried 3:49">about 3:49">my 3:49">own 3:50">children.
3:50.297" data-end="00:53:54.097">3:50">Because 3:50">I've 3:51">got 3:51">one 3:51">child 3:52">who 3:52">saved 3:52">my 3:52">dad's 3:53">life 3:53">because 3:53">she 3:53">called 3:53">911 3:54">immediately.
3:54.597" data-end="00:53:59.677">3:55">I've 3:55">got 3:55">a 3:55">younger 3:55">child 3:56">who's 3:56">scared 3:56">to 3:56">go 3:56">see 3:57">him 3:57">because 3:57">she 3:57">doesn't 3:58">want 3:58">to 3:58">see 3:58">her 3:58">pap 3:59">like 3:59">that.
[54:01] 0:54:00.957" data-end="00:54:05.077">4:01">Totally 4:01">understandable. 4:02">Understandable. 4:03">It's 4:03">good 4:03">to 4:04">talk 4:04">about 4:04">this 4:04">with 54:05">people 0:54:05.077" data-end="00:54:07.217">54:05">that 54:06">you 54:06">care 54:06">about 54:06">and 54:06">you 54:06">respect 4:07">and 4:07">you 4:07">love.
0:54:07.357" data-end="00:54:10.397">4:07">So 4:08">hopefully, 4:08">I 4:08">know 4:09">this 4:09">is 4:09">very 4:09">different 4:09">than 4:09">most 4:10">stuff 4:10">we 4:10">do.
0:54:11.277" data-end="00:54:14.497">4:11">I 4:12">hope 4:12">people 4:13">listen 4:13">to 4:13">this. 4:13">And 4:14">if 4:14">you 4:14">don't 4:14">do 4:14">anything 4:14">else, 0:54:14.537" data-end="00:54:16.437">4:15">talk 4:15">to 4:15">your 4:15">loved 4:15">ones 4:15">a 4:16">little 4:16">bit 4:16">about 4:16">it.
0:54:16.557" data-end="00:54:20.117">4:17">Reach 4:17">out 4:17">to 4:17">us. 4:17">I'm 54:18">happy 54:18">to 54:18">talk 54:18">to 4:19">you 4:19">about 4:19">it, 4:19">too. 4:19">I'm 4:19">sure 4:19">Dennis 4:20">is, 4:20">too. 4:20">too.
0:54:20.337" data-end="00:54:25.737">4:20">But 4:21">you 4:21">got 54:22">to 54:22">talk 54:22">about 54:22">this 54:22">stuff 54:23">in 54:23">the 54:23">privacy 4:24">of 4:24">your 4:24">home 4:24">because 4:24">death's 4:25">a 4:25">public 4:25">thing, 4:26">man.
0:54:26.257" data-end="00:54:30.457">4:26">So 4:27">it's 4:28">good 4:28">for 4:28">me 4:28">to 4:29">get 4:29">to 4:29">talk 4:29">about 4:29">this. 4:30">It's 4:30">healing 4:30">for 4:30">me.
0:54:30.517" data-end="00:54:32.317">4:31">So 4:31">I 4:31">appreciate 4:31">it 4:32">greatly, 4:32">my 4:32">friend.
0:54:33.057" data-end="00:54:38.637">54:33">All 54:33">right. 4:34">Well, 4:35">thank 4:35">you 4:35">so 4:35">much 4:35">for 4:35">talking 4:36">and 4:36">we'll 4:36">talk 4:37">again 4:37">soon. 4:38">Anytime, 4:38">my 4:38">friend.
[54:39] 4:39 - 55:14" data-start="00:54:39.120" data-end="00:55:14.320">Music.
The Importance of Supporting Caregivers in Prayers
[55:14] 0:55:14.169" data-end="00:55:21.569">5:14">Well, 5:15">as 5:15">we 5:15">conclude 5:16">this 5:16">episode, 5:18">as 5:18">we 5:19">deal 5:19">with 5:19">death 5:21">and 5:21">caregiving, 0:55:21.769" data-end="00:55:27.789">5:22">one 5:23">of 5:23">the 5:23">things 5:23">I 5:23">wanted 5:24">to 5:24">bring 5:24">up, 5:24">especially 5:24">for 5:25">as 5:25">how 5:26">the 5:27">church 5:27">should 5:27">respond, 0:55:28.109" data-end="00:55:33.189">5:28">is 5:29">to 5:29">really 5:30">be 5:30">mindful 5:30">of 55:31">caregivers, 55:31">especially 5:32">during 5:32">our 5:33">prayers.
0:55:34.469" data-end="00:55:38.409">5:34">So 5:35">often 5:35">during 5:36">probably 5:36">prayers 5:38">of 0:55:38.409" data-end="00:55:41.029">5:38">the 5:38">people 5:39">at 5:39">our 5:40">congregations 5:40">we 5:40">pray 5:40">for 5:41">those 5:41">who 5:41">are 0:55:41.029" data-end="00:55:46.949">5:41">sick 5:41">and 5:42">that 5:42">is 5:42">important 5:42">and 5:43">we 5:43">must 5:44">do 5:44">that 5:44">but 5:46">especially 5:46">for 5:47">people 5:47">who 0:55:46.949" data-end="00:55:52.009">5:47">are 5:47">dealing 5:47">with 5:47">chronic 55:48">illness 55:48">especially 5:49">those 5:49">who 5:49">are 5:49">in 5:50">assisted 5:52">living 0:55:52.009" data-end="00:55:57.689">5:52">or 5:52">nursing 5:52">homes 5:53">it's 5:54">also 5:55">important 5:55">to 5:55">be 5:55">mindful 55:56">of 55:56">the 55:56">caregivers 55:56">usually 0:55:57.689" data-end="00:55:59.089">5:58">those 5:58">are 5:58">members 5:58">of 5:59">the 5:59">family, 0:55:59.709" data-end="00:56:04.409">6:00">that 6:00">are 6:01">spending 6:01">a 6:01">lot 6:01">of 6:01">time 6:02">and 6:02">their 6:02">lives 6:02">have 6:03">been 6:03">turned 6:03">upside 6:04">down.
0:56:05.189" data-end="00:56:08.889">6:05">And 6:06">too 6:06">often 6:06">we 6:07">forget 6:07">about 6:07">those 6:07">people. 6:08">So...
Prayer and Support for Caregivers
[56:12] 0:56:12.198" data-end="00:56:17.918">6:12">And 6:12">in 6:13">some 6:13">ways, 6:14">it 6:14">took 6:14">for 6:14">me 6:14">to 6:14">be 6:15">such 6:15">an 6:15">active 6:16">caregiver 6:16">to 6:17">understand 6:18">that.
0:56:19.258" data-end="00:56:24.778">6:19">So 6:20">when 6:20">we 6:20">do 6:21">bring 6:21">up 6:21">prayers, 6:22">when 6:22">we 6:22">do 6:22">bring 6:22">up, 6:23">deal 6:24">with 6:24">those 6:24">who 6:25">are 0:56:24.778" data-end="00:56:30.458">6:25">dealing 56:26">with 56:26">caregiving, 6:27">pray 6:28">for 6:28">them. 6:29">But 6:29">also 6:29">ask, 6:30">talk 6:30">to 6:30">them.
0:56:30.618" data-end="00:56:33.178">6:31">See 6:31">how 6:31">they're 6:31">doing. 6:32">Ask 6:32">how 6:32">you 6:33">can 6:33">be 6:33">of 6:33">help.
0:56:33.458" data-end="00:56:35.838">6:33">I 6:34">think 6:34">that 6:34">is 6:34">one 6:34">of 6:35">the 6:35">things 6:35">that 6:35">has 6:35">been 6:35">helpful. 6:36">helpful.
0:56:36.158" data-end="00:56:42.058">6:36">I've 6:37">had 6:37">a 6:37">member 6:37">of 6:38">the 6:38">congregation 6:38">where 6:39">I 6:39">serve 6:40">that 6:40">has 6:40">asked 6:41">how 6:41">he 6:41">can 6:42">be 6:42">helpful.
0:56:42.238" data-end="00:56:44.498">6:42">And 6:42">I 6:42">think 6:43">that 6:43">that's, 6:43">that's 56:44">invaluable.
0:56:45.438" data-end="00:56:51.418">6:45">So 6:46">thank 6:47">you 56:49">for 56:49">listening 56:51">to 56:51">this 56:51">episode.
0:56:51.638" data-end="00:56:56.838">56:52">There 56:52">are 56:52">some 6:53">notes 56:54">that 56:54">will 56:54">be 56:54">available, 56:55">show 56:55">notes, 56:56">especially 56:56">the 56:56">article 0:56:56.838" data-end="00:57:01.698">56:57">in 56:57">question 56:57">from 56:58">Andrew 56:58">Donaldson 56:58">and 56:59">some 57:00">other 57:00">things 57:00">about 57:01">caregiving.
0:57:01.818" data-end="00:57:07.518">57:02">So 57:02">please 57:03">do 57:03">check 57:04">that 57:04">that 57:04">out 57:04">at 57:04">our 57:05">website 57:05">at 57:06">churchandmaine.org.
[57:09] 0:57:09.118" data-end="00:57:15.418">57:09">I 57:10">also 57:10">just 57:11">wanted 57:11">to 57:11">add 57:11">quickly 57:12">to 57:12">let 57:13">you 57:13">know 57:13">that 57:13">I 57:13">do 57:13">also 57:14">record 57:15">another 0:57:15.418" data-end="00:57:17.678">57:15">podcast. 57:16">It's 57:16">a 57:16">shorter 57:17">one 57:17">called 57:17">Lectionary 57:18">Q.
0:57:18.658" data-end="00:57:22.358">57:19">This 57:19">is 57:19">a 57:19">podcast 57:20">that 57:20">focuses 57:20">on 57:20">a 57:21">text 57:21">from 57:21">the 57:21">Revised 57:21">Common 57:22">Lectionary 0:57:22.358" data-end="00:57:24.498">57:22">with 57:23">a 57:23">reflection 57:23">and 57:24">some 57:24">questions.
0:57:24.818" data-end="00:57:29.758">57:25">It's 57:25">something 57:25">I 57:26">started 57:26">actually 57:26">in 57:27">the 57:27">fall 57:27">of 57:27">2022 57:28">and 57:29">did 57:29">it 57:29">for 57:29">a 7:30">little 0:57:29.758" data-end="00:57:34.378">7:30">bit, 7:30">but 7:30">then 7:30">I 7:30">had 7:30">I 7:30">had 7:30">to 7:30">stop 7:31">just 7:31">because 7:32">I 7:32">was 7:32">busy 7:33">trying 57:34">to 57:34">get 57:34">it 57:34">started 0:57:34.378" data-end="00:57:37.138">57:34">again, 57:35">which 57:35">is 57:35">probably 57:35">not 57:36">the 57:36">best 57:36">time, 57:36">especially 7:37">now, 0:57:37.358" data-end="00:57:41.998">7:37">because 57:38">as 7:39">I've 7:39">explained 7:39">in 7:39">this 7:40">episode, 7:40">but 7:40">I'm 7:41">trying 7:41">to 7:41">do 7:41">it 7:41">on 7:41">a 7:41">weekly 7:42">basis.
0:57:42.378" data-end="00:57:51.858">7:42">So 7:43">you 7:43">can 7:43">find 7:44">those 7:45">episodes 7:45">and 7:45">subscribe 7:46">to 7:46">the 7:46">podcast 7:46">by 7:48">going 7:48">to 7:48">lectionaryq.substack.com.
0:57:52.718" data-end="00:57:56.798">7:53">So 7:53">that's 7:53">it 7:54">for 7:54">this 7:54">episode 7:54">of 7:54">Church 7:55">in 7:55">Maine. 7:55">Remember 7:56">to 7:56">rate 7:56">and 7:56">review 0:57:56.798" data-end="00:58:00.418">7:57">this 7:57">episode 7:58">on 7:58">your 7:58">famous 7:58">podcast 7:59">app 7:59">so 7:59">that 7:59">others 8:00">can 8:00">find 8:00">the 8:00">podcast.
0:58:00.898" data-end="00:58:05.478">8:01">Consider 8:01">donating 8:02">so 8:03">that 8:03">we 8:04">can 8:04">continue 8:04">to 8:04">produce 8:05">more 8:05">episodes.
0:58:06.538" data-end="00:58:10.478">8:07">I'm 8:07">Dennis 8:07">Sanders, 8:08">your 8:08">host. 8:08">Again, 58:09">thank 58:09">you 8:10">so 8:10">much 8:10">for 8:10">listening.
0:58:11.218" data-end="00:58:14.498">8:11">Take 8:11">care. 8:12">Godspeed. 8:13">And 8:13">I 8:13">will 8:13">see 8:14">you 8:14">very 8:14">soon.
[58:16] 58:16 - 58:52" data-start="00:58:16.240" data-end="00:58:52.460">Music.